Our Hearts Are One

How to Cope

Y/N pov

I know that if Loki and the rest hear I was working out as well as baking, they would know I was awake for a long time. Then they would find out about my hands and that would freak Loki, Steve, and the rest out, for no reason in my opinion. Knowing Thor he will not mention the interaction in which he broke down and cried, not that I blame him for being emotional.

After my shower, I dab some alcohol on my hands which makes me wince. I leave the bathroom and see Loki sitting with Steve, "Hey," I say as I put my hands in my pockets.

"Why did you shower?" Steve asks, breaking the silence.

"I got some batter in my hair while I was cooking," I shrug as I go to my closet and refold some clothes, making sure my hands are out of sight.

"Everyone knows you cook with your hair up in a messily clean bun," Loki denies.

"Well I wanted to switch it up," I defend.

Thor walks into the room, the most cheery he has been since this all happened, "Hey I just wanted to share my appreciation for your support this morning Y/N," He says.

I bang my head against the closet door as Steve interrogates Thor, "What support exactly? Or where may I ask?"

Thor obviously does not catch onto my very dramatic head shake. "Well, I was heading down to the gym where I found Y/N asleep against the punching bag. She just helped me with, well ugh, emotional feelings," He says awkwardly.

"Ok thanks Thor, you can go now!" I say with authority while I give him an annoyed smile.

Once he leaves, Loki says, "In the gym now were we, meaning how much sleep did you actually get?"

"Two hours give or take," I mumble.

Steve walks up to me, "I'm sorry how much?"

I close my eyes as I hide my hands again, "Two hours give or take."

Loki walks over and takes my hands in his, about to lecture me about sleep and looking after myself. My hands hurt in his which makes me wince and pull them away. This catches both Loki and Steve by surprise, "Darling, may I see you're hands?"

"I don't see why you would need to," I shrug as I try to leave the room.

Steve blocks my way and pulls my sleeves up making him gasp at the sight, "Y/N, how, when, and why?!"

"Punching bags?" I nervously laugh.

"So what you just decide to get up in the middle of the night, batter your hands, come back to bed, and pretend that you are not literally beating yourself up?" Loki rants off. When I don't respond he takes my silence as an answer, "For christ sake, you have!"

"I just didn't want you guys to know I was going to the gym during the night because you would get all paranoid and overprotective, such as right now?" I respond.

Loki doesn't let up, "It's because you have been having nightmares isn't it?" When I don't respond they both know that is the truth, "Why didn't you tell me? That is what I am supposed to do, support you and help you. Odin knows you have done the same for me."

"Because everyone is going through this, others have it worse than me. Why should I get to be all in the mud about it when I still have loved ones left," I say.

"You lost people too, your brother, your best friend, almost your husband, your baby and so many others. It's not healthy to shove it down, you need to feel it." Steve lectures me.

"I already did, for a week straight I felt nothing but the burning of alcohol. I have had my time to mope, now I need to move on because they are gone. But I can't do that if every time I fall asleep I see them all die alongside everyone else I still have!" I shout.