Anastasya
Anya had spent the rest of the day alone trying to hide from the world itself. Erwin's confession had devastated her to her core. The fact that he regretted his decision to leave her so deeply that he felt the need to risk his life to make up for it... It broke her heart. It felt like everything was suddenly crumbling from underneath her, and she was desperate to outrun it before she fell into the abyss. She'd ridden Nightmare to the woods, letting the horse graze peacefully in the sunshine while she lay staring up at the clear blue sky, letting the tears fall freely into the soft earth beneath her for hours. In addition to dealing with Erwin's revelation, she'd finally admitted to herself just how terrified she was to go to Shiganshina. She'd been denying it for weeks but, at last, the fear had dug its talons in deep enough to rip away her shield and come rushing in to choke her. How many of her friends and loved ones would she lose this time? How much heartbreak would she and those left behind have to endure? What if it was all for nothing? What if she failed and couldn't keep everyone safe? What if she was left alone again? The thoughts swirled round and round in her mind, trapping her and dragged her down into despair. Eventually she must have slept, for when she next opened her eyes the sky was sprinkled with glittering stars. Nightmare lay beside her, keeping her warm, and her first thought was that she needed to find Levi. She stretched, somehow feeling far more peaceful than she had hours before, and got to her feet. She glanced up at the sky again and breathed in the chill air, letting it soothe her from the inside out. They'd get through the mission, somehow. She wouldn't lose anyone. She wouldn't allow it to be an option, even if Erwin insisted on going with them. She would keep her family safe. Her resolve strengthened, she got into the saddle and rode back to Trost. She would use her fear as fuel to fight better and harder than she ever had before - regardless of the price.
***
A strange tension cloaked Trost, as though the city itself knew of the Scouts' upcoming mission and was holding its breath. The only sound was the clop of Nightmare's hooves as Anya rode back to the stables. Once she'd seen to her horse, she slowly made her way up the steep, cobbled street to the mess hall, wondering if the grand feast was over. As she got closer to the main entrance, she caught sight of a familiar silhouette and changed her course. Tucked away into an alcove, sitting on the floor with his arms resting on his knees, was Levi. From the faraway look on his face and the half-empty tankard of ale next to him, he too was thinking about what their mission would bring and what they'd have to sacrifice to succeed. She wordlessly joined him, resting her head on his shoulder.
"Where've you been?" he murmured, the tension in his voice from before no longer present.
"To the woods," she replied, equally as quiet.
"You missed the feast."
"I'm not really that hungry, anyway."
"Huh. They managed to get the meat they were going on about earlier. Everyone went crazy for it. I had to break up a damn fight between Eren and Jean," he said. "Tch."
"They okay?"
"Yeah, they were just messing around. Probably nerves."
"Probably."
She felt Levi shift so as to look at her. He gestured to a spot on the street in front of them.
"Eren, Armin and Mikasa were just on the steps down there. They were talking about how they were going to visit the sea and explore the big wide world beyond the walls. They promised each other, even. The brats sounded so...hopeful, and excited. Like they believe it's all gonna be okay. I think that's the difference between us and them; they still have a dream beyond all this shit. They can see through to the other side." He paused and took her hand before raising it to his lips and kissing her knuckles. "I'm sorry for being a bastard these last few days."
"You weren't. You were just...far away."
"I shouldn't have been. I know you're feeling the same way. I know you get it. I should've talked to you about it but instead I made it so that we were both distant and dealing with it alone. That's not what we do."
"I suppose neither of us wanted to add to the other's worries."
He released a heavy sigh.
"Yeah. You stayed behind to try and convince him not to go too, didn't you?"
"Yes, and I failed."
"Is that why you've been crying?"
She huffed out a laugh and swiped at a few more stray tears as they escaped down her cheeks.
"Is it really that noticeable?"
"Only to me."
She met his stormy-grey gaze, searching for strength as she fiddled with her necklace.
"I'm scared, Levi. I think I'm more scared than I ever have been before. There's something about this mission that... I don't know. It feels different, doesn't it?"
"Yeah. It does. We can't go on like this forever though, waiting for those shit-faced Titans to break down the walls and devour us all. Something has to change, for better or for worse."
"I... Yeah. You're right."
A small part of her wasn't so sure, and a wave of shame washed over her as she realised just how much she wanted to bury her head in the sand. As though he knew, Levi cupped her chin and gently made her look at him again.
"Hey... I love you."
"I love you," she replied.
"If we both get through this, I've decided to do something I've been wanting to do for a long time."
"Oh?"
"You have to live to find out what it is."
Her smile returned and her stomach rumbled. Levi arched an eyebrow.
"Not hungry, huh?"
"Crying is hungry work."
"Come on. I saved you some food."
"You did?"
"Mhmm. Hopefully it's still where I left it, though I wouldn't put it past Sasha not to have sniffed it out. Conny had to knock her out and tie her to a post this evening so that everyone else had a chance to eat."
She laughed and got up. Levi had replenished her hope, and she was determined to hold onto it for dear life.
***
Anya strode along the rose-tinted corridor to Erwin's room and let herself in without knocking. He was standing by the window, looking out at the city below just as the sun began its descent. Without meaning to, she wondered if it was the last sunset they would ever see. She shook her head to banish the thought and walked over. She stopped by the desk, upon which lay Erwin's ODM gear. She could sense his frustration without even seeing his face.
"Anastasya," he said, turning to her. "Are you ready?"
"As ready as possible. I thought I'd come and help."
"Huh?"
She gestured to the complicated tangle of belts and buckles that their ODM gear consisted of.
"The damn thing is hard enough to get on properly even with two arms, let alone one."
For a moment she thought he'd insist on struggling but then he bowed his head, the whisper of a smile playing across his lips.
"Thank you."
She collected the gear and moved closer. She reached up onto her toes to slide the first part over Erwin's head, before adjusting it to fit securely upon his broad chest. There was no tension between them whatsoever considering their conversation from the day before, and she was eternally grateful for the way they'd always been able to reconnect without saying a single word.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
She glanced up at him before refocusing on the buckle she was fastening.
"Afraid."
"That's not like you."
"I know, and that frightens me even more."
"Aren't you a little bit excited? We're about to find out if we were right. To find out what our fathers died for."
"Of course I am but...we have to get there first, and who knows what else...no, who else is waiting there for us."
"We're ready for it," he told her. "One way or another, we're going to find out what's in that basement."
***
Anya, Levi, Hange, Erwin, and the rest of the Scout officers went to meet with Zachary, Pyxis, Nile, and the other military officials to say farewell. They saluted one another, barely exchanging a word, and then the Scouts turned to go. It was time. As the lifts carried them to the top of Wall Rose, crowds began to assemble at the bottom and beyond, lining the darkening streets of the Scouts' home city.
"Hey! Hange!" a man yelled. "Good luck!"
Hange's eyes widened, and she peered down from the lift.
"Flegel!?"
Anya nudged her with her elbow.
"Looks like you've got an admirer," she teased.
"Take back Wall Maria for us!" someone else shouted. "The future of humanity is in your hands!"
"Captain Levi! Captain Anastasya! Thanks for saving our city!" another called.
"You all come back in one piece, all right?!"
They reached the top of the wall and joined the others. All of them looked down at the people they'd worked so hard to protect over the years. Life had been hard for them, too, and Anya realised that Levi was right. Something had to change. These people deserved to live without food shortages and overcrowding and the constant threat of Titans. Something had to be done, and she and the other Scouts were the only ones who could do it.
"Go and reclaim our territory!" another citizen yelled.
"Someone's got a big mouth," Levi remarked, though he didn't seem to mind.
The mission was supposed to have been a secret, but the cat was certainly out of the bag. Erwin glanced at her and she smiled. He smiled back, before looking down at the people again, enthusiasm burning in his eyes.
"Well with the commotion we made last night at the feast, of course they'd find out," said Hange.
"The thing is... All that meat we ordered was from the Reeves company."
"Damn that Flegel," Dirk muttered.
Further along the wall, Conny, Sasha and Jean were lapping up the encouragement from the crowd, calling back happily and waving their arms in the air.
"Yeah! You can count on us!" Jean cried.
"You know we will!" Sasha yelled.
"How long's it been since the Scouts got a send-off like this?" Anya wondered.
"As far as I'm aware, this is a first," Erwin replied.
A huge grin erupted on his face, and he pumped his fist into the air and roared at the crowd. The crowd responded, raising their fists too and cheering back. Erwin continued, and Anya laughed whilst Levi and the others stared slack-jawed at their great leader. For the first time in what felt like years Anya could see the young, enthusiastic boy that he once was, so different to the tormented and solemn man that he'd been forced to become.
"The final operation to retake Wall Maria will now commence!" he cried, lifting his blade.
The crowd rose to a fever pitch and the Scouts descended the other side of the wall and mounted their steeds. Erwin took up his position at the front, with Anya on his left and Levi and Hange on his right. Behind them were over one hundred Scouts. The excitement and enthusiasm among them all almost seemed to make the air itself vibrate, and Anya's heart thundered in her chest as Erwin roared.
"ADVANCE!"
The charge to Wall Maria began and, for a while at least, Anya left her fear far behind.
YOU ARE READING
The Path Back to You | Levi x OC
Fanfiction"Reveal yourself," Erwin ordered, though Mikasa detected uncertainty in the commander's voice. It was almost as though he were afraid of who lay beneath the cloak. The entire regiment held its breath as the rider reached up with pale hands and lowe...
