Chapter 61 - One Last Time

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Anastasya

Anya gasped down any air she could as her heart was torn from her chest. She was going to lose Levi and Erwin and she had no idea if Hange was still alive. There was next to nothing she could do to protect any of them. All of the ones she loved...would be gone. She wasn't sure if she'd felt so devastated even when her biological family had been murdered. However she knew, deep down, that what Erwin and Levi had chosen was correct. It was the best, if not the only choice to give whoever was left a chance of surviving, and that didn't just mean the Scouts; it meant everyone back inside the walls like Historia, and Nile, and Pyxis, and all of the orphans who'd just got a new chance at life outside of the Underground. Anya had always known a day would come when she'd have to put humanity before her loved ones. She'd just never thought the consequences would be so terrible. Although the burden Erwin was placing upon her to potentially lead the Scouts and continue the search for the truth threatened to crush her, she would take it. She threw her arms around him, blocking out the sickening sound of the rocks the Beast Titan was still hurling at them as they shattered against bone and building alike, and did her best to commit him to mind. His touch, his scent, his warmth. All of the memories they had together, both good and bad, but theirs nevertheless.
"I'd have been lost without you," she told him. "I..."
She felt a hand other than Erwin's on her back. Levi. He leant in close, his lips brushing her ear.
"Anya. Tell him," he murmured. "You'll regret it forever if you don't."
She sobbed and moved back to look up at Erwin.
"I love you."
Erwin's eyes widened.
"Thank you. Both of you. For everything."
He kissed the top of her head, and then she staggered backwards into Levi.
"It hurts," she wept, burying her face in his shoulder. "It hurts so damn much."
"I know," he said, holding her tightly. "Hey, I might make it back, yet. Then I can do that thing I told you about the other night."
"Will you tell me what it is?"
"No; I'll have to kill the Beast Titan first."
He placed his hands on either side of her face, and she saw the fear and the love in his stormy-blue eyes, the eyes she knew so well, as they searched hers.
"Anya..." he said, voice rough with emotion. "I'm so damn proud of you. You're a survivor. You showed us that when you came back from beyond the walls. You're going to come back from this, too."
"I love you so much," she said, her voice sounding so small. So childlike. "Please don't leave me."
He kissed her, somehow pouring all of his love and heartbreak and strength into it. It stole her breath away and filled her with courage, and she knew that she would remember it for as long as she lived. At last, he broke away before drawing her close to his body one more time.
"See you on the other side," he said.
He let go and she watched, with blurred vision, as he embraced Erwin. Then they went to address the remaining Scouts.
"I'm announcing our final operation!" Erwin stated, his voice as powerful as his resolve. "All troops! Line up!"
Upon hearing the authority in his words, the cowering recruits did as he said without hesitation, suddenly standing just a little bit taller. Anya was amazed at how he inspired them. Erwin had always been like that. He was a born leader, able to bring out the very best in everyone around him. He was a master tactician and stoic even in the face of death. He was exactly what the Scouts had needed to get them to where they were today. Exactly what Anya had needed. There would never be another like him.

***

Erwin

"We will be doing a cavalry charge," he declared. "Our goal is to rush the Beast Titan. Of course, we'll be making ourselves ideal targets. So we'll wait until he's ready to throw and fire our smoke signals together. That should reduce his accuracy somewhat. While we're acting as a decoy, Captain Levi will kill the Beast Titan. That is our plan."
A female recruit crouched down and vomited all over the grass. He was surprised to feel little sympathy.
"I'm sorry," he said. "Standing and waiting just means we'll be showered by more boulders. Get ready on the double!"
"Are we all...heading to our deaths?" the red-haired former Garrison recruit asked. Floch, he thought his name was.
"Yes."
"If we're gonna die anyways, you're saying it's better...if we die fighting?"
"Yes."
"Wait... If we're gonna die anyways, no matter how we die, even if it's disobeying orders, it all means nothing, right?"
"You're precisely right. It's all meaningless. No matter what dreams or hopes you had... No matter how blessed a life you've lived... It's all the same if you're shredded by rocks. Everyone will die someday. Does that mean life is meaningless? Was there even any meaning in our being born? Would you say that of our fallen comrades? Their lives... were they meaningless?" He raised his voice, finding new strength. "No, they weren't! It's us who give meaning to our comrades' lives! The brave fallen! The anguished fallen! The ones who will remember them...are us, the living! We die trusting the living who follow to find meaning in our lives! That is the sole method in which we can rebel against this cruel world! All troops! Prepare to ride!"
The Scouts scrambled into action while Levi skulked off to prepare to work his way round to the Beast Titan. He prayed that he, at least, survived. He had one last, small moment with Anastasya. He devoured every detail of her, from her laced-up boots to the stars in her amethyst-blue eyes and her gleaming white hair. How far they'd come together since their fateful meeting by the canal in Trost all those years ago. He wasn't sure he'd have made it without her.
"I love you, Anastasya Morozova," he told her quietly. "Give meaning to my death, just as you've given meaning to my life."
"I swear it," she said through her tears. "I'll carry on for the both of us. I'll get to that basement, one way or another, and I'll blow the truth wide open. I'll fulfil the dream."
The lump in his throat threatened to choke off his words and bring tears to his eyes, but he continued.
"I believe in you. I trust you to make the right choices, at the right times, in the right places. If you one day become Commander, don't let that hold you back from what you do best. You're more than capable."
He really looked at her, imploring her to understand. To realise that even though she had been tasked with helping them on the other side of the wall, she may yet be needed this side. She had to use her instincts. He reached up and pulled the string on his bolo, loosening it so that he could pull it off and give it to her.
"I want you to have this."
She took it with trembling fingers, just as another barrage of rocks was thrown. Their time had all but run out.
"Goodbye," he told her.
"Goodbye, Erwin," she whispered.
He smiled, kissed her forehead one last time, and turned away to mount his horse.
"Let the final operation commence!" he cried.
The recruits roared out their terror and followed after him as he led the charge straight to the Beast Titan. He daren't look back, not even once. Everything was about to end for him and, while he felt sorrow cutting deep into his heart, he also felt oddly accepting of it all. Perhaps Levi's words had instilled that in him. At long last, he was going to be free. Erwin was glad he'd taken a chance on his would-be assassin and dragged him out of the Underground and into the Scouts. He'd become his best friend and one of humanity's main saviours, and he was sure that Levi would defeat the Beast Titan and return to Anastasya despite the odds. She flickered into his mind's eye, smiling and beckoning him forth. He'd never wanted to leave her, and he'd been blessed that she had chosen to stay beside him regardless. He realised that despite the decisions he'd made, she was the reason that, as he raced towards his end, he harboured no regrets. Not anymore. He took a deep breath, likely one of his last.
"MY SOLDIERS RAGE! MY SOLDIERS SCREAM! MY SOLDIERS FIGHT!" he bellowed, rallying the recruits as best he could.
They fired their smoke signals just as the Beast Titan launched another volley. For a moment their strategy appeared to work, but then rock shards sliced through his beloved horse and one punched straight through his left side, taking a huge chunk of his flesh with it. The force of the impact lifted him from the saddle, and he flew through the air before hitting the ground hard. In the seconds he remained conscious, agony erased all. There was a blinding white light, and then the world went black.

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