Nepenthe | Sapnap |

Dog-ear or Bookmark?

The book sat on my desk in the corner of my room as I laid on my back in bed. I felt like it was staring at me, begging to be touched or read. It was a gift, I should use it, but I'm so afraid to damage it. Nick gave me a book, one of my favorite books, in pristine condition after noticing how beat to shit my original copy was. It felt wrong to even turn a page with the possibility of creating harm, however, it also felt wrong to let it just sit there on my desk collecting dust.

What the fuck is wrong with me? It's just a fucking book.

I shook my head to rid myself of the ridiculous thoughts in my brain. I shifted in bed to fold my hands under my head, staring at the ceiling now. I could hear the footsteps of my mom upstairs, doing some busy work until dinner. She's been home a couple hours now since she works in the greenhouses. She always enjoyed gardening before the world flipped upside down and when Kristin offered her the job at the greenhouses, she jumped at the chance. Even though her back hurt from being hunched over all the time and the constant dirt under her nails, she would never trade it.

Turning my head to the side to lean against my wrist to look out my window, the snow was falling steady in a light flurry. It kinda looked like Minecraft snow. A small smile made its way to my face as I thought about that game. I never thought I would ever think about that game again after the outbreak. It reminds me of back home. All two thousand miles back across the country to the small state of New Jersey. I grew up wishing to get out of that freaking place. This isn't what I meant, Universe.

I miss it there sometimes, though. Being not even ten miles from the ocean, going down south and seeing all the farmlands, New York City being in reach at all times, going hiking on the Appalachian Trails. Jersey hit all the marks. Wyoming was nice, and I can never badmouth Jackson for what it's done for me and my family, but the repeating landscape was tiring.

Jersey did have its downfalls, too. For example, my god-awful accent. Everyone just loved to point out how I pronounce 'water'. Mom and Uncle Mike don't have as strong an accent as me and they lived in Jersey longer than I ever had. I haven't been in Jersey since I was 13 and the fucking accent is still lingering. Everyone's natural accent is fading. Phil's English accent isn't as thick as it used to be. Nick's twang only makes an appearance when he says certain words. Morgan's accent barely even exists. But mine? Yeah, that's not going anywhere.

Rolling my head back to look at the ceiling and let out a deep breath before sitting up to rub my hands against my face before sliding my hands over my hair to rest on the back of my neck. My gaze landed on the book again.

Fuck it.

I stood up from my bed abruptly, crossing the room to grab it. My skin screamed at contact with the cold cement that wasn't covered in rugs. My room was technically the garage that was connected to the house just off of the kitchen. It was my uncle's room once we arrived in Jackson and was given this house to live in while Mom and I were on the second floor, but the two of us switched once I turned 18 to give me more privacy. Like I actually needed it for the reasons that they thought I would. Only time being farther away from them was needed was when the boys were over and screaming at the PlayStation as Morgan and I just watched them at one in the morning. The garage was basically soundproof, and any noise made inside of it couldn't be heard from the upstairs when the door was closed. Sometimes I wondered if it actually was.

I tossed the book on my bed and swung the door closed with one hand as I walked over to my stereo to crank it to the max volume. The Fray came through the speakers as I let out a laugh. The last time I used the stereo was when Nick put this cd in and screamed the lyrics to "How to Save a Life" as the guys tried to beat each other at Call of Duty: Ghosts.

The guys were flipping out over it since the game wasn't technically released when the outbreak happened. I think they said it was supposed to come out in November of that year? But when I quickly looted a game store that I found the one time Clay doesn't assign me to the creek trails, I grabbed every PlayStation game I didn't already have and apparently, I grabbed one of those as well from the storage in the back of the store. I guess I broke into some preorders. And thank god, the garage is somewhat soundproof because those boys sounded like they were about to murder each other that night.