Nepenthe | Sapnap |

Enchanted Haunting

Nick and I got back to Jackson, guiding Arion and Kage through the three-story tall gates. And neither of us could even look at each other. What the hell happened last night?

We kissed. We kissed a lot. It felt amazing. And now he can't even look me in the eye.

We got so close this past month. Endless time spent together, jokes made, secrets shared, past explained. And now he can't even look me in the eye. What the fuck did I do?

He said a couple sentences to me the entire day. He woke me up on the couch in the basement with a small shake to the shoulder and a 'It's light' before walking back up the stairs. During the ride back, it was simple calls out, such as 'crack in the road' or 'rocks coming up'. That was it.

We did the entire thirty-mile ride in one day, resulting in us getting back just after dark when the afternoon patrol comes back. Clay, Morgan, and Alex were at the gates, I guess they were hoping we'd get back today.

I was shaking. My hands could barely hold on to Kage's reins with them shaking so badly. Clay and Morgan ran over to Nick asking him about what we found and how it went. I could hear Alex asking me the same thing as he gave me a hand down from Kage, but all that reached my ears were mumbles like everything was underwater.

Handing over the reins to Alex, I gave Kage a parting pat on the side of her face and took off in the direction of home. Not even going to drop off my bow and rifle at the range, I needed to go home. I need... I don't know what I need exactly but at the moment I know I can't be near Nick. Not after getting the cold shoulder all day.

I heard someone calling my name, but I just ignored it and kept walking. Keeping my gaze straight and my head high as I walked away from the stables, not a stagger nor stutter in my walk.

Did I make up this whole relationship in my head? Was it all platonic to begin with and I twisted it around to make myself believe something was there? Did Clay and Morgan play me? Did Nick play with everyone into thinking there was something? Don't forget the fact that we were both high, maybe it was just...

No. We almost kissed at the dance. We slept in the same bed for weeks. We shared clothes. He made a bet to kiss me after the basketball game a couple weeks ago. We... What were we even doing?

My brain was screaming every single question and possibility at me while my heart was shattering. Just hang out with him, Clay said all the way back in the beginning in December. Yeah, look how that fucking went. I made a new relationship and I screwed it up by kissing him. Why did I make a new relationship? I was fine with just Morgan and having a few acquaintances.

Home was so close. I could see the porch light on even though Mom and Mike had no clue when exactly I was coming back. Not all three of us were home, so the porch light stays on. The light only goes off when we're all home. That's the rule.

The door was unlocked even though Mom had to be at the greenhouses and Mike was off fixing something at someone's house. Or maybe they were out getting dinner. The door barely shut behind me as I just kept going straight and went right up the stairs to the second floor.

Mom's bedroom door was open and her bed was made. She was definitely at the greenhouses. She makes her bed every day to feel productive. Never mind that, I need something of hers. Something to let all these feelings fester into.

Dropping to my knees in front of her closet, I just started grabbing boxes, looking for something so specific but I just couldn't find it. Pushing away box after box, finding some things that are of no use to be in this exact moment as tears started to build up on my lash line. Where were they?

My backpack was still on, bow slung over my body as I dug through photographs and letters that mean nothing to me right now.

Where the hell did she put them? I just needed that one.