~15~

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suggestion/request! 

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TW/CW: SH, EATING DISORDER/FOOD AND LANGUAGE

I rub my eyes to adjust to the sunshine peeking through the windows. I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and sit for a while. I subconsciously scratch at my wrists. I look down. God how pathetic I must look I think to myself. I look over at my suitcase. Did I pack my blades? I think to myself. I'm tempted to go look, but I promised Ms. Puffy and Sam I'd stop, and I don't want to disappoint them any more than I already have. 

I decide to stand up and walk downstairs to the kitchen where I see Techno and Tommy arguing over something and Wilbur in the kitchen with Phil making pancakes. Phil looks up from his batter and spotted me. He smiled. Something about his smile makes me happy. It just lights up my day, all my worries go away. Maybe this is how having a healthy relationship should feel.

"Morning, sweetie," He walks over to me and gives me a big hug. It's comforting. "How'd you sleep?" I look over to Tommy, who had been eavesdropping on our conversation. He struggles to keep in a laugh. 

"It was pretty good," I lied. Even I struggled to keep in my laughter. Phil and Techno looked confused while Wilbur hummed to himself. 

"O...kay then. Breakfast is almost ready, we're having pancakes." He said with a smile.

Yum. More food to throw up later. Can't wait. 

"Sounds great!" I say with a fake grin. It's almost as if Phil has a radar, cause he looks very suspicious of me. I point to a chair in between Techno and Tommy. "Can I sit here Techno?" He looks at me and slowly nods. "Thanks,"

"What's that bruise from?" Techno asks, pointing to my arm. I looked at him confused. Not confused about how there wasn't any, but confused on how he know. Ever since I've gotten here I've worn long sleeves and hoodies. Mostly to cover up my... y'know. 

"What do you mean? I don't have a bruise anywhere," I hesitate. 

"I mean right-" He pokes my arm. "There." I wince. He frowns. He leans in a bit closer. "We'll talk about this later, or whenever you're ready, okay?" I nod with a slight frown, barely noticeable. 

"Breakfast is ready!" Phil says in a cheery voice. I promised myself I would eat 4 bites today. The last time was 3d, 2 days ago. 

"I'm starving, this better be good," Tommy said in a very aggressive but positive attitude. Wilbur did a little giggle at his comment as he made his way out of the kitchen, 2 plates in hand.

"One for you..." He lowers a plate for Techno. "And one for you," He lowers the other where I'm sitting. "Tommy, yours isn't ready yet. You wait." He said in a jokingly manner. 

"Oh, he can have mine if he'd like. I don't mind waiting a couple of extra minutes for mine." I don't mind not having it either. Before Wilbur could respond, Tommy snatches my plate and admires the golden-brown pancakes. He gives me a quick pat on the back, along with an almost inaudible "Thanks, N/n [nickname]." I was confused about the nickname he gave me, but I didn't mind. It made me feel as though we were more of a family than I thought.Wilbur scolded Tommy a bit, but my plate came no longer than a minute after. Phil and Wilbur took their seats and started conversing about what they wanted to do today. Some said to go to the zoo with some family friends, some said to go to the park with family friends. But I couldn't tell who said what. Everything seemed to blur with the only thing clear enough to recognize was the meal sitting in front of me. Do it for them. Do it for your new family.

I cut up a small piece of the pancakes, and carefully placed it into my mouth. I chewed, the flavor spreading across my mouth. I grimace as I swallow.

One.

Phil asks a question, I don't hear it. I drink water to prevent it from coming back up. I take deep breaths as Ms. Puffy told me to do when I had my panic attacks. In for 4, out for 8. We'd repeat that same process a couple of times, so that's what I did. 

"What do you think, Y/n?" I snap back to reality. Wilbur asked the question. 

"Sorry, what did you ask?" I say hoarsely. My throat feels dry. I quickly drink water. 

"Park, zoo, or shopping?" Park I could take in some sun, zoo we could see some cool animals and stuff, but shopping? I was in DIRE need of a new closet, all my clothes barely fit and are from 2018.

"Shopping sounds nice," I replied. I went back to the food.

"Sounds wonderful," Phil said with what I could assume is a smile. "One or two-family friends will be coming, but I'm sure they'll love you." I nodded my head. They started to discuss where they were going to shop. 

I cut the tiniest bit of pancakes and placed it into my mouth. 

Two.

"Ooh, what about the mall down the street? They have a music store there too!" Tommy shouted. I subconsciously take another bite.

Three.

Over halfway there. Wilbur stares at me with a concerned look plastered on his face. Is it that obvious? You need to stop or else they'll start to pity you, and that's the last thing you want. Pity.

"May I be excused for the bathroom please?" I ask, interrupting Tommy's rant. 

"Yes, of course, sweetie." I thanked him and rushed upstairs.

I enter the bathroom and lock the door, the familiar feeling of bile in my throat. 

And the process begins. 

A/n

Yoo, Bee update?! no wayy

sorry ive been really inactive, schools got MAD hands 

but hey while you guys wait for my next update you should go check out these really awesome people!

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmSQROb6tb34vCclPD1P6Pw

^^greenishly, family-friendly youtuber my absolute beloved <333

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^^may, chaotic streamer/youtuber, also probably my favorite person <44

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^^wyrmi, also family-friendly, one of the kindest you'll ever meet <33

these people are the light of my life, so go and show them some love 

ANYWAY after that lil plug, hope you enjoyed! 

-Bee <3

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