Lost memories(madnessa)

~9~

Madelaine

Well I asked if I could spend a day with the kids and Vanessa let me but of course I had to be supervised because they thing I'll hurt them which I never will.

I just want to make up lost time with them. Take them places, just the seven of us but they wouldn't let me, especially Vanessa.

I fucked up I know and I know that I can't gain peoples trust right after getting out of jail. At least let me take the kids somewhere else besides a park.

I'm not gonna complain to them. I mean at least they're letting me see them.

As of right now I'm on my way to the park they said. It wasn't about ten minutes away from my apartment.

For me the drive wasn't long because all of the stop lights were on my side today making the drive only five minutes.

Parking my car in the somewhat parking lot I got out and walked to the park looking around for them.

I looked and looked but saw no one. I checked my phone and saw Kelly texted me they were here but where.

I went to the playground to see if the kids were playing but nope. I took my phone out of my pocket and called Kelly.

After the phone run two times she answered.

"Hello?"

"Uh where are you? I'm at the park" I asking still looking around.

"You didn't get my text?"

"What fuckin text? I just see a text that you are here already" I cursed. "Sorry for my language"

"We weren't able to come dude to Vanessa. Could you come here and get them?"

"I see what your doing here" I chuckled. "You want me to be near Vanessa more than my own kids. Either you bring them here or I'm going home. Quit trying to make Vanessa and I talk together. I've said it over and over, she scared of me. I'm not gonna jeopardize my relationship with my kids over this either"

"Fine, I'll see what I can do" she sighed.

"Ok, but you shouldn't bring them cause I know your stressing right now, get lili or Camila to" I said walking back to my car. "I'll be waiting here for close to an hour"

"Ok"

I hung up and let out a sigh. Yea I wanna make Vanessa and I on good term but on our own terms. I want to wait until she's ready, not force her.

Like Camila, lili, and Kelly have to realize that I've cause her to have trauma, nightmares. Like I'm pretty sure she hasn't step foot into her own house.

She could've seen me taking a life in front of her. The way I spoke to her and grabbed her. I made memories of her dead ex come back, something I never wanted to happen.

Getting in my car I placed my head on the steering wheel. Maybe I should've- never mind. That would've upset the kids.

I wonder how Vanessa feels about her family/friends trying to make us talk. Texting her isn't an option because I know either she changed her number or I'm blocked.

After waiting for an hour no one showed up and no one texted me. It was really pissing me off that I'm not hearing anything about my kids. Yes I've texted Kelly and Camila multiple time yet nothing.

So I went home. Only fuckin thing I wanted to do is spend time with my kids and they do this. I would go to Vanessa's house and see what's the problem but I decided not to and calm myself down first.