My Donnie

Sorry, Sensei

"Hey Don?" I say and I peak my head into the barn door. Donnie doesn't even look up from his desk.
I walk into the barn and I close the door behind me. "Whatchya working on?" I ask and I lean over his desk. I look down at his notebook, it just look like a bunch of nerdy math stuff. Or maybe nerdy science stuff, I don't know.
"Just stuff, Mikey." I can hear the sheer annoyance in his voice.
"You didn't eat your diner," I say with a frown when I see his plate of food sitting next to him. For diner I just made a frozen pizza, that's all we had left. I think Casey is supposed to go to the store tomorrow.
"What do you want Mikey?" Donnie groans and he closes his notebook.
"I was wondering if you could help me with something?"
"With what?" He raises his eyebrow- I mean we don't have eyebrows. But his mask goes up on one side and he's looking a little suspicious.
"I found an old TV and a bunch of old VHS movies. I was hoping you could help me set the TV up so I could watch movies?" I smile at I tap my two index fingers together.
Donnie's face drops and he looks totally unamused.
"Please?"
"If I help you, will you leave me alone?"
"Mhm!" I nod eagerly. Sorry to be such a burden...
"Fine," Donnie says and he gets up. He pushes his chair in.
"So why didn't you eat your pizza?" I ask Don as we walk out of the barn. "You haven't been eating a lot..." I low my voice and I look down at the ground as we walk. It's starting to get dark.
"I'm just not hungry, okay?" He sounds angry. All I did was try to help him...
"You sound really tired too...are you sleeping okay?"
"Mikey, I'm fine." His words have a harsh ring to them. I sigh and I kick a small pebble. All I'm trying to do is look out for him...like back home. And when we were little, we always looked out for me and he alway took care of me when I was hurt or sick.
I just want things to like they were...everyone was happy. I just want to be happy again.
I hug myself tightly and I follow Donnie into the house.
"Where's the attic?"
"This way," I lead Donnie up the stairs and into a room that I think was once Mr. Oniel's office. I open the closet door, the ladder is already down.
"Really?" He groans, followed by a long sigh. He climbs the ladder and I follow him up. I blindly crawl over to the outlit and I plug in the strand of Christmas lights that I found up here.
They aren't the brightest, and most of them don't work but it's all I could find. And I guess they get the job done well enough.
Donnie get up, he has to duck though, and he walks over to the TV. I already moved everything so it's right next to each other. That way it's a little easier for Donnie.
"Do you have you T-Phone on you? Mines in the lab."
"Uh yeah," I say and I pull my phone out of my belt.
"Flashlight." He demands. I turn on the flashlight and I give it to him.
He looks at the TV and the VHS player then he hands me my phone.
"Hold it..." he adjusts my arm so it's looking down at the back of the TV. "Here."
He crawls around to the back and he starts fumbling with some wires. "You'll bs lucky if this even turns on. It's at least fifty years old." After he plugs in a few wires he takes the TV cord and he plugs it into the wall.
There sure are a lot of outlets up here considering that it's an attic.
The TV flickers on and it shows a static screen.
"Light." Donnie says and he grabs my arm and pull the light so it's on the front of the TV. He crawls around to the front again.
He messes with some dials and settings on the TV frame. Then a black screen flickers on.
"Get a tape." Donnie demands again. I sigh and I take the flashlight over to the box of tapes. I grab one that is labeled "Pinocchio" on the side.
I walk back over to Donnie and I give it to him.
I watch as he puts the tape in, then the player makes this weird, loud sound. It kind of sounds like a quiet helicopter. Or like a really big fan.
After a few seconds the movie turns on. The color is really faint, unlike the TV we had back home.
I'm just glad that Donnie got it to work.
"Thanks D!" I say with a big smile.
"Mhm," he grunts and he stands up.
I sit down in front of the TV and I watch as Donnie goes back down the ladder. I hear him close the closet door when he leaves.
Now I'm alone in the attic...me and my thoughts. I sigh and I turn the TV up a little bit.
I sit cross cross and I put my hands on my ankles.

After maybe half an hour into the movie I totally zoned out, my thoughts got the best of me...
I frown and I look down. I rub my thumb over by ankle. I can feel my heart race.
I'm no stranger to self harm. When I have three brother yelling at me whenever I make a mistake, it got hard. Mentally draining.
Splinter saw my wounds one day, it was just me and him training and one of my cuts broke open. He made me promise not to do it again, and in return he promised not to tell any of my brothers.
I still remember that hug he gave me when I told him wha I was doing. I've never felt a hug that warm before...
I take a deep breath I hug myself tightly. I can almost feel him.
Sorry, Sensei...
I pause the movie, even thought I wasn't any paying attention to it at all.
I crawl over to ladder and I climb down. I don't know why D closed the closet. It's a small closet.
I open the door and I walk down the hall to the opposite end.
"Raph?" I ask and I knock on the door. It's open about an inch but I still don't want to intrude.