My Donnie

This Is It

It's currently six a.m all night, all I've done is argue with that stupid voice in my head. But now I know how to make it go away.
I grab the pen and paper I got from downstairs and I sit on the ground, I rest my back against the foot of my bed.
I place the paper on the floor and I put the tip of the pen to the paper, I ignore my shaking hands and I start to write.

Hey, whoever finds this, uhm this is Mikey. I don't really know what to say but here it goes.
I'm sorry that I'm leaving you guys, but it's for best. I know you guys will do just fine without me. Raph, please give Leo a big hug for me when he wakes up.
I love you guys.

I feel like I'm supposed to write more, but I don't know what to say. And I really don't have the energy right now. I've never written a note like this before, I mean I have thought about it plenty of times but now that I'm actually doing it my mind is going blank. I feel so numb to everything.
The sun is coming up, I'm sure Donnie and Casey will be up and tinkering in the barn soon. I should get going.
I sigh and I get up. I have a pounding headache from not sleeping and from crying my eyes out all night.
I stretch and I put the note on my pillow. Someone will find there...maybe? If they even notice that I'm missing.
I open my door silently, and then I close it most of the way. I'll leave it open just a crack, then maybe will get the hint to check inside my room. I tiptoe down the hallway and I walk into the office. I shut the door behind me and I walk into the closet. I just need to run up and get my razor blades quick.
I climb the ladder and I crawl into the attic. I get to the razor blades and I hide them under my belt. That should hold them in place while I'm walking.
I walk down the ladder and then I fold the ladder back up into the attic. I won't be needing it down anymore, so why bother?
I close the office door and then I walk down the the steps. I make sure to walk quietly through the living room, I really don't want to wake up Casey. But I'm pretty sure that dude could sleep through a freakin train wreck.
I open the door and I make sure that I close it all the way, I even locked it again before I closed it. I mean I'm sure they will know I left through the door so I don't know why I bothered locking it. It's fine. It doesn't matter at this point.
I haven't really thought this through too much. I just know I want to go into the woods.
I take one last glance back at the house and then I turn to the woods.
I want to go into the woods because then they won't be able to find me, and they wont have a mess to clean up.
That's the only thing I'm worried about, if one of them find me. I don't want them to go through that pain.
I get to the edge of the woods and I take a deep breath. I can feel a wave of regret washing over me but there's no way I can turn back now.
That voice, all night it just grew louder and louder. I couldn't even rationalize it.
don't know how far I should go? I don't know where April's land ends but I guess it doesn't matter. I don't care.
I take a deep breath and I exhale.
I take off running, dodging trees, rocks, and roots. I don't know where I'm going but I'm running.
The voice in my head is starting to stir again. It's telling me to hurry up and get it done with before someone notices that I'm missing.
I will run as far as I can, I'll run until I collapse.
I guess people really can run from their problems, huh? They just have to be able to run fast enough.
After about ten minutes of running, I collapse. I fall to my knees and I hold my stomach as I catch my breath.
This is a bad idea, maybe I should just go home. There will be better days-
You already made it this far, you coward, do it.
I don't want to anymore...
Do it. Remember, everyone will be better off without you. Besides, you know Donnie is already awake. And he hasn't even bothered to text you. No one has noticed that you're gone. You really think they care about you?
That's not true- I take my T-phone out of my belt. It's just a little bit after six-thirty. Donnie usually is awake by now. I don't know how he manages to go to bed at two in the morning then wake up six a.m.
I sigh and I set my T-phone on the ground next to me.
My breath starts to get shaky as I unwrap my ankle. My hands are shaking again and my vision is getting blurry from tears. I blink a couple times and a silent stream of tears runs down my cheeks.
Everyone will be better off without me, I'm doing them a favor. Yeah.
After I have my regular wrapping off of my ankle I take off the medical tape that I put on it yesterday.
The two cuts from yesterday are far from being heeled, cutting over them now is really going to hurt. I mean- either way this is really going to hurt. There's no way to make it painless.
I shudder softly and I pull the razor blades out of my belt.
They'll be better off without me- I keep repeating this thought in the back of my head. And to be honest, I believe that. I won't be there to mess up anymore mission, and I won't be there to annoy anyone, and I defiantly won't be getting in the way.
As I'm sitting here, I'm starting to re-think my note. Now I wish I would've written a little more but I guess it's too late now, huh?
Bye guys, I love you.
I take a deep breath and I put the corner of the blade up to the pale green skin on my ankle. As I exhale I make one swift motion- I push the blade as deep as I can into my skin and before I have a chance to think or to feel any pain I cut a slit a few inches long.
My head is spinning and my thoughts have numbed. The only thing I can feel now is the agonizing pain in my ankle that's spreading throughout my whole body. And I can feel the hot blood spilling out of the cut and dripping down my leg.
This is it for me.