TW: self-harm, in a way.
L O R E N Z O
Pain.
That's all I felt.
It felt like someone was continuously stabbing a knife into my lungs.
Every time I was in my bed, I thought of her. When I was in the shower, I thought of her.
Even the toothbrush she used still sits in the same spot it was in before she left.
I miss her.
My whole body hurts, it feels like I've fallen down a trap and there's no way out.
I just want to get out of this trap.
I lay in my bed all day looking at the side she slept on, I haven't touched it.
I wonder where she went.
I fucked up so bad.
I need to find her, but I can't.
I haven't eaten. I haven't slept. I haven't showered. I haven't done anything.
After that fucking night.
Flashback
The door to my office suddenly opens and I hear the voice I've been needing to hear for three days.
"Your a mess, Lorenzo." I look up at my father and tighten my fist around the glass in my hand.
"Get out." I seethe, he smiles sickly at me and sits down in the seat in front of me and crosses his left leg over his right.
I can't deal with him.
First, he kills my mother and acts like nothing of it. And second, he beats my girlfriend and makes her leave me.
He made two people who had promised to never leave me, leave.
It's all his fault. Him and his stupid self did this and he's going to pay for it.
"No, I think I'll stay." His voice runs through my ears but I don't really pay attention to anything he says. I think about how i'm going to kill him.
Slowly and carefully I pull a gun out of my drawer and before he can react, I shoot him in the shoulder.
Fucking ass.
"Fuck!" he yells out in pain, I watch as he grips his right shoulder with his left hand and tries to put pressure of the wound.
I look at him with a smirk on my face as I start to get out of my chair.
"let's see how you like it when I treat you how you've treated the people I need most. Tell me how it feels, father." I grab onto his left shoulder and drag him out of the chair and out of the room.
"L-Lorenzo - no, you can't do this to me." He groans in pain and loves his feet as I pull him towards the basement door.
When we reach the basement, I throw him in the chair in the middle of the room and tie his arms and legs to the sides.
"Yes. A thousand times yes. Do you know how much you've hurt me? I fucking hate you! First mother and now Valentina? You are sick, absolutely rotten sick." I throw a punch at his jaw.
"She deserved it, both of them did!" I punch him in the stomach.
"You aren't getting out of this now, father." I tell him, the smile instantly falls off his face and is replaced with a look of fear.
He looks away in fear and awaits my next move. Good. I want him to be terrified of me.
I punch him, kick him, burn him, cut him until he was dead.
End of flashback
I finally did the thing I've been needing to do all these years.
I finally killed the person that was ripping apart my life.
I slowly sit up from my bed and look at her side again before getting up and walking into the bathroom.
I turn the shower until it's steaming hot, I cope with the hotness
I pull off my clothes and step into the shower. I lean against the wall and slowly slide down, I don't even feel strong enough to stand.
I sit there for about thirty minutes before I start to scrub my body.
I scrub until my skin starts to bleed, happy with the outcome, I turn off the shower and get out.
I wrap a towel around my waist and look into the foggy mirror.
I grab another towel and wipe the fog away to look at my body.
It's red. Blood. I like it.
I watch as the little droplets of blood slowly make their way down my body and onto the floor.
I smile and walk out of the bathroom. It's the only thing that can make me feel something.
I need to feel something. I can't fucking do it without her.
I get changed into black sweatpants and a black hoodie. Opening my door, I make my way downstairs and into the kitchen. I open the fridge and look at the food that hasn't been touched.
Even looking at the food makes me sick.
"I was wondering when you were going to come down," A voice behind me says and I instantly recognise it as Antonio.
I shrug my shoulders and grab the orange juice and close the fridge. I lean against the counter and open the bottle and stare at it.
"Lorenzo, I've never seen you like this." He tells me, I can't help but laugh at him. I finally look at him and take in his appearance.
Dark circles under his eyes, his dark brown hair is messy and looks greasy like he hasn't washed it. I don't want to fucking talk to him. I don't want to tell him how I feel. He looks tired.
"I lost her, Toni. What do you think I'm going to do? Be all sparkles and rainbows? It hurts me way more than it hurts you." I tell him looking back at the bottle in my hands.
I bring it up to my mouth and slowly drink it.
"Lorenzo, your my best fucking friend, my Fratello, of course, it fucking hurts me! Just looking at the way you haven't eaten, slept or fucking done anything hurts me! I'm hurt that she left too but seeing you like this hurts more!" He starts to raise his voice.
Brother.
I see tears brimming in his eyes and that's when I realise I've fucked up. I've never seen him cry, even in the many years I've had to look after him he's never cried.
I fucked up bad. I put the bottle of orange juice on the counter behind me and walk to him. I wrap my arms around him and he instantly does the same.
"I'm sorry." The rods feel bitter coming out of my mouth but I know if Val were here to see it, she would be so happy. I want her back.
We stay like that for what feels like hours but in reality, it was just a minute or two. I pull back and cup his face looking him in the eyes.
"Don't do this to yourself, please," He whispers.
"Okay," I whisper back.
He wraps his arms around me again and I do the same. I feel complete but I'm missing one piece of the puzzle.
Val.
