In Cold Blood [Ash Lynx] - Banana Fish

Twenty - Tell It To My Heart

Huffing to herself, knees pulled into her chest as she sits on the cold concrete rooftop, Tora stuffs her hand into her coat pocket. Cigarette packet and lighter fumbling in her grasp, the bitter wind nips at her fingertips and nose.

She opens the packet, pulling one out and placing it between her lips. As she shields her hand around the end and flicks the lighter, her phone buzzes and she places the lighter beside herself. A lump forms in her throat, reading the display on her phone before quickly swiping across the screen to answer the call, speaking in Japanese.

"Um... Hi."

"Tora."

She tucks her unlit cigarette back into her pocket. What worries her the most is that he never calls her by that name.

"Sensei... I'd been meaning to call—"

"Do you think I don't care?"

Her eyebrows furrow, voice cracking. "What? What are you—"

"Four days. It's been four days since we last phoned. Mago, why won't you talk to me?"

As he says those words, her eyes well up and she clears her throat, chuckling. "I've been busy Sensei, that's all."

He sighs and she can hear him groaning mildly, presumably standing up from his kitchen table to walk to his balcony. "How's it all been going? Or can you not tell me?"

It's then that she breaks down. Forehead creasing as tears roll down her numb cheeks, she tastes their salty flavour on her pink lips. Her body shakes and she hugs her knees tighter, chest heavy and shoulders tensing.

"There's so much I want to tell you, but I can't." She tells him between sobs.

"What's wrong, Mago? I want to help."

"I-I don't know what to do. I can't tell you over the phone." She whimpers, a hand to her chest in an attempt to calm her breathing. "But..."

"Yes?"

She purses her lips. "They know."

"They know?" Fujimara questions worry lacing his voice.

Zipping her coat up to her chin, she shivers, wiping under her eyes. "They don't know it's me."

"But they know your alias?"

"Mhm." She hums, teeth chattering and breathing rate slowing back to normal. "For all they know I vanished before they got to my grandmother's that night or I burned in the fire. They don't know—"

"But what if they do know?" He butts in. "That's not out of the question, Mago. These men— they have their ways. You can't be naïve and keep one eye closed."

Her lip quivers. "So if they do know... I don't know what to do."

Fujimara sighs, his voice comforting. "What's changed, Mago? You've lived your life up until now, doing your job in hopes of meeting the men that killed your family so you can do the honourable thing. This is your life goal. Where is your spirit now?"

She covers her face with her hand, shaking her head as more tears run down her cheeks. A gentle dusting of snow starts to fall, snowflakes beginning to slowly collect on her shoulders and dark hair.

"Mago, what is true strength?"

Eyebrows furrowing, she wipes her damp cheeks, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Is this a test? Haven't you asked me that before?"

He laughs softly. "Never a test, just a question."

She shrugs, sniffling. "I guess the martial art meaning of true strength would be spirit and patience."