If I'm wrong, I am right / Severus Snape x reader

you make me feel like I am home again

( no proofread and I don't really like this chapter so much bc it's so short. I recommend also listening to Someone like you by Adele )

Dear y/n,
I think it's better if we don't see each other outside of the lessons anymore. Alena and I decided this is probably the best thing to do right now.
I hope you'll understand.
Sincerely, Professor Snape

It's not his decision. It can't be. Alena. A you could think about after the letter arrived. He promised you a while ago, he would never ever leave you. He was everything to you - still is, and ever will be. The whole room was silent, just you and the letter. It felt like your heart was breaking into a thousand pieces - like someone ripped it out right of your chest and would have torn it before your eyes.
Severus knows exactly how important he is to you, how can he do that?

Sincerely Professor Snape you read this over and over again just to believe it. To feel the distance which he created. To realise this is really happening.

No tears, but emptiness.

You must have fallen asleep because when you opened your eyes it was dark outside. The moon shone and the stars shinning. Everything seemed so peaceful and comforting but also threatening. Unknown creatures can lurk around every corner everything is hidden and looks secret.

It was 6:20 p.m. Dinner.

The Great hall was beautiful, like always. The ceiling was full of stars with burning candle's. Not many students spend their christmas holiday's at Hogwarts and  that's because you sat down on the long table far apart from the others to eat in silence. Your eyes wandered through the hall and suddenly stopped - Severus. He was watching your movements since you entered the great hall. At first your tried to ignore it but that's nearly impossible because it's him. The best and only friend you've ever had, now gone. Gone because of a woman you liked once very much. A woman he loves, adores and needs, more than you.

,,Stop watching me" Severus  you thought with the hope he's reading your mind. One thing he once said was, he's going to teach you was occlumency one day but obviously never did.

He quickly looked away every time you tried to catch him.

,,You told me to stay away so please do the same. Stop looking at me, Severus."

You tried to cover up that he hurt you too deeply. Was is too much to say that he hurt your soul? Do such things as souls even exist? He would definitely have a smart and insightful answer to that.

The dinner was torture and it was so hard not to look back at him but somehow you managed not to do that.
His looks were like arrows and sometimes it felt like he could see through you.

I miss you, so much it physically hurts me and I know you didn't meant it or at least that's what I hope.  My soul aches but you see yourself as a happy man, and that's all I wish for you. Happiness even if that means I'm no longer a part of your life. A small part of me, deep inside my heart knows you feel the same - she's wrong and has no right to treat you like this, to act like I'm the worst person an earth. But she is your wife and I'm nothing compared to that. All I want is a last hug from you - a goodbye. Could you do that for me? One last time, Severus. I beg you. You know me very well I assume, and I hardly ever beg for something, but please.

His gaze was fixed and he stoped eating and with that you knew that he understood every word you thought. He signalled your to meet him outside. First you stood up and left the hall. A few minutes after he came out and walked past you without saying a word and you followed him.

You two were in the dungeons when he finally stopped walking, he opened the door of his classroom and you entered after him. Before you could say s thing he began.

,,I am incredibly sorry y/n, please believe me but there's no other way to to save my marriage."

Silence.

,,You promised me something a while ago Severus."

,,I am sorry dear but I can't. I have no choice. That's what married people do for each other y/n."

,,You promised me you'll never leave me."

,,I know." He answered so quiet that it was almost inaudible. He came up to you and hugged you. There it was again the best feeling ever: Home. Home felt like being loved, cared and safe - for the last time. You cried into his chest and he pulled you closer before suddenly he let go. His smell, his fast beating heart and the warm arms around you, it was gone. Forever.

,, Please" you whimpered. His eyes looked so tired and hurt.

,,Severus don't leave me. Please." You screamed. You literally were screaming. And crying.

,,I am sorry." he said and left. He left you during a panic attack alone in the dark, cold classroom. All you felt was pain, then pain of being left.The pain of being alone.  Everything hurts.

,,I can't to this without you. Come back you, coward. Come back. I beg you." your voice got quieter and quieter until no more sound left your lips.

Kind of ironic. In this room you've met each other the first time and now it all came to an end.  How can I face him in class and act normal and how is he able to do so? He broke the promise . To be there for you. To help and protect you.  How can he then pretend nothing happened? Please tell me how to do it. I want to know how so i can do the same. Tell me how to be an actor.