If I'm wrong, I am right / Severus Snape x reader

you are not alone

(Song: you are not alone by Michael Jackson)

,,I'm saying, that she's not good for you. She incite you against me but that's not even the worst."

,,Don't you think I don't know that y/n? But I can't leave her, I just can't. " Tears filled his eyes.

,,You have to. You're clearly not happy"

Neither of you said a word. It seemed to be inappropriate to say more because it only would hurt him more. It would show him more and more how bad his relationship has become - how how bad things are for him.

He suddenly began to cry - not hard but enough for you to pull him immediately in a close hug. And then there was this feeling again , everything seemed to be possible - the world was open, kind and loving. It felt so safe around him and then there was also his smell. God , how much you missed the sandalwood and old pergament but now it was also cigarette smoke and the alcohol.

His arms were wrapped around your body, pulling your as close as possible.

,,Without her I'm alone and that's something I can't. I can't be alone y/n."

,,You are not alone and you'll never will be. I am here."

He looked at you.

,,You are the smartest and most talented person I've ever met Severus. You experienced so many bad things in your life that did not deserve."

You're heart never beated so fast, without the alcohol you would never have said that. But all of that was true. He only talked once about his past and even then it wasn't much which means it must be bad - really bad. And now he was crying in front of you for a woman who treats him like shit. Like he's some run down guy from the street.

,,I don't deserve you my dear. You're too good, your soul too untouched."

Your heart stopped for a moment when he called you my dear. His voice sounded hurt, dark and insecure.

,,My soul is anything but untouched. There are so many things you don't know about me."

,,Still, look what I've done. You're sitting here with me drunk after I left you crying and screaming after me."

If you would say it's okay it would be a lie, and friends don't lie to each other. It was anything but okay. After he left you there, you still sat there for hours until midnight or longer. Alone in the dark. Screaming. Shaking.
You took his hand between yours.

,,I forgive you. I'll always forgive you."

,,But-"

,,No."

He put the bottle on the bedside table and stood up but struggled and had to sit down right after, because the alcohol he consumed was underestimated by him. He had no balance to control where he was falling and landed on top of you. You felt his breath on your lips. He's never been so close to you before. It didn't felt comfortable or weird quite the opposite - it felt nice got even closer to him so that your noses touched.

,,Y/n.." he whispered but you weren't able to say a word. It was impossible to speak right now. Impossible because it was overwhelming and if he wasn't lying on top of you, you would have had a panic attack guaranteed.

,,I can't do this...it's wrong." He said again , practically forcing you to say something.

,,I know.." you whispered so close to his lips.

,,We can't. I'm still a married man. "

And with that he let go of you and lay down next to you. Even after she treated him so incredibly badly, he is still loyal.

,,What are you going to do about her?"

,,I have no idea. Everyone hates me already how is it going to be after I divorce her? Alena, the woman who's always kind and thoughtful?"

,,It doesn't matter what other people think."

You turned around and touched his face with your hand and forced him to look at you. His skin was cold and a bit rough from the three-day beard. He grabbed hand directly because he didn't expected the touch. He never expects anything from anybody although he deserves the world - not a present and especially no physical contact.

Without thinking you leaned over and kissed him. It felt so right at this moment. He grabbed your neck to pull you as close as possible - to feel you. His lips were  really soft and kissing you gently. This  has to be it, you thought right in the moment his lips met yours, the feeling of what is written in all the books and poems about love, about a person you desired all the time and finally got. But was it really desire or just the alcohol?

You grabbed his collar with the right and his raven hair with the left hand. He sat up still with you on his lap - pushing your body close.

,,You deserve happiness." you said into the kiss.

,,We're drunk. We-" but he didn't came to finish the sentence because he was interrupted ny your warm, soft and hungry lips.

His lips kissed down your neck and your hand found its way to his dark, thick hair to push him closer to you. You were so needy , so desperate for the contact - to feel his warm lips and skin close to yours.

As he kissed your lips again, but you suddenly felt unidentifiable wetness all over your cheeks. You pulled away and immediately saw the source of the wetness - his tears. He slowly opened his eyes, full of embarrassed.

,,I am so sorry."

,,Don't apologize for having emotions." you said worried, still on his lap.

,,It was a bad idea." You knew straight away that he meant the kiss , which made your heart drop. But he was probably right. What have you been thinking? Nothing! Kissing Severus, your dearest friend, your teacher , a married man and..and the man you've desired the whole time? No.

,,Thank you Severus." you whispered into his ear after a few second of silence.

,,For what?"

,,For for making my first kiss so special."

,,By special you mean making you cry?" he asked with a tiered sounding voice.

,,No, Severus I won't let you make yourself feel bad. It was beautiful."

His hand wandered up to your head while the other was still on your back.

{ No proofread }