If I'm wrong, I am right / Severus Snape x reader

nothing without you

(Wrote this late at night, please excuse my mistakes.)

,,I am going to hug you now Severus. Don't try do resist."

And with that you sat beside him and pulled him as close as possible to your body. He needed this - a person who cares for him and stop him of getting drunk again. His hands layed on your back and finally after a few minutes his body relaxed and he began to cry. It was too much, after everything his ex wife has done he wasn't able to hate her. He loved her so freaking much but she was right - not in the right way. She was his first real relationship at least that's what he thought. She made him feel the worst almost everyday with her actions. Going to sleep alone and waking up in an empty bed, missing her - needing her by his side.

How could he not see this? How could he not notice that she was unhappy all the time?

Every tear that left his body he felt better - not happier or something like that but it was nice knowing he don't have to be ashamed of anything in front of you. Never.

,,I am so sorry for you Severus." you said, hoping he don't want to talk about the last lines of Alena's letter. But it was true - it had to be because why would you two kiss? Why would you care so much about him if there isn't more?

His head was pressed into your chest, still sobbing but slowly stopping. Slowly he realised what happend - what stood in the letter. All of the words you said  buzzed in his head.

Slowly he freed himself from your arms and you noticed a feeling of emptyness as he did, it felt like a cold wind blowing sending a shiver down your spine.

,,I can't hate her y/n." he said not looking at you, instead his eyes were fixed on a small black stain on the wall.

,,I know. Can I do something to make you feel better?"

,,Just stay with me. I can't be alone right now otherwise I might get drunk again or worse." he replied sounding really disappointed and ashamed , not because his wife who turned out to be a lesbian left him but because of his alcoholism. His father was a drunk and beated him and his mother when he was a child, and that's one things he swore to himself a long time ago : never end up like his father.

,, Stay here, I'll clean a bit and make you some coffee, alright?"

He couldn't answer.

Everything was so overwhelming right now and all he wanted to to was drinking, drinking until he couldn't think straight - to forget what happened even if it was just of a little moment. One moment without the pain which paralyzed him , making him feel empty , lonely and unloved.

You tried to hold your tears back who came to your eyes because how lost he seemed right now , starring at the wall without moving or saying a single word.
Please say something Severus, anything. Give me a sign what is best to do ,you thought with he hope he would read your mind.

You took a seat on the sofa in the living room, out of his sight to do exactly the same like him - starring at the wall, lost in thoughts.

At least he wasn't drinking or yelling but is this really better than doing nothing? Nothing but sitting in bed without moving a single toe?

Suddenly you began to cry because you knew it was true. You loved him. You loved him so much that it hurts you struggle to breath when you see him in such big pain, so much you would kill every single person on earth of that meant to make him happy again. But now he probably want to see any person but you.

He stood in front of you before he sat down beside you on the sofa, still silent.

,,Before you say something please let me talk." he said because you were about to say something to him.

,,She must have been right y/n all the time I've been so blind." he continued and his words were kind of confusing about what he's talking about: about her being a lesbian or the the ignored affection.

,,but I really can't to this now y/n, I can't enter into any relationship, especially not with you. You're the most important person in my life and I can't risk losing you."

,, Severus" you said , grabbing his hand which obviously surprised him because he moved it briefly away.

,,I will never ever leave you. Is this whole situation not the biggest prove for that? Even after you told me so many times to leave you alone , I was still here."

His thumb caressed your hand. All you wanted was to feel his lips again.

,,Did you forgot all what happened yesterday? I made you drunk and- and i cried during our kiss like some pathetic loser."

His words felt like a knive stabbing your heart a million times.

,,First of all you did not force me to drink anything it was all my decision. Second, you are no pathetic loser for crying Severus. Do you know how much it hurts me when you say such thing? I like you , I like you really much." you said when you pressed your forehead against his, feeling his hot breath on your face.

,,I- we can't, it's wrong." he whispered , touching your face with his free hand to feel your soft skin.

,,And why is that?" you asked so desperate to feel his lips kissing yours, to feel his tongue inside of your mouth and his big, cold hands all over your body.

,,You're too good for me. Too good for a grumpy, alcoholic man like me."

,,Maybe I like grumpy men." you whispered so close to his lips that you almost felt them. Almost.