If I'm wrong, I am right / Severus Snape x reader

hiding in the closet

The bed was empty when you woke up with a strong headache. The sun was shining and filled the room with sunlight.

On the bedside table stood a glass of water with a potion beside it. Hopefully something against the pain you thought.

After you took the potions (which tasted awful), you saw a letter under the glas.

Dear y/n,
Sorry for leaving early but I have some things to do. Please feel free to stay until I'm back.
Sincerely, Severus.

You decided to take a hot shower after staying in bed for another thirty minutes. His bathroom was surprisingly really clean, not like the other parts of this chambers. The freestanding bath tub was clearly the highlight of this room, even though the sink was also pretty elegant.

It took awhile until the water was finally warm enough for you to get into the shower, which was more modern than the other things in the bathroom. You used his shampoo and it smelled so much like him. It send immediately a thousand memories of him to your mind - mostly the happy moments. The one time when he bought you a special edition of your favourite book even if it wasn't christmas or your birthday, he just wanted to make you smile. At this time there was much going on in your live and without telling him or even mention it - he knew. And you knew that he did. This made you unbelievably happy not only because of the book but because he did not forced you to talk about it, like others might would.

After the shower you went back to the bedroom with a towel around your body to look for a pullover of his and maybe some socks. Your clothes from the night smelled awfully of alkohol and cigarette smoke.

,,Y/n?" you heard his voice calling, standing behind the bedroom door waiting for your permission to enter.

,, Severus, you're back!" you answered happy.

He came in but not with a happy looking face. He looked pale like he's going to faint any moment.

,, What happened?" you asked immediately, after he made his way to the bed to sat down and take a breath. He looked down to his hands, where he held a letter.

,,I went down to Hogsmead to talk to her. She wasn't there. Nothing was there." He said quietly.

,,What do you mean with nothing was there?"

,,Her shop was empty, not a crumb was left besides this letter." His voice was filled with pain. After everything she did to him, she had the audacity to leave him. Without a word she left.

,,Did you opened the letter?" you asked carefully, not wanting to upset him.

He shook his head.

,,Can you open it y/n? I can't I- I really can't."

You took the letter and opened it.

,,Dear Severus,
Where do I even began. First of all I am deeply sorry for everything I've done and I won't ask you to forgive me because that would be unfair bit what I ask you is : please try to understand me. You just have to try, please.
After our last fight, I thought that I can no longer do that - I can no longer hurt you like this."

You paused for a moment before you continued reading.

,,All these times I proved fights over and over again.
I am so sorry, Severus believe me I am.
You are the kindest, smartest and most precious man I've ever met. You deserve the world and more and I treated you like a criminal. Like a person who did something awful , which you didn't. It is all about me, all about my non existing self acceptance.
I love you Severus I really do but not in the way a wife should do.
Our relationship was beautiful and the time with you were the happiest in my while live but here again - I love you not in the way I should.
You're well aware about my family's pride- about how important marital status and marriage is. Nothing is more important than marrying a good , strong man.
I pretended my whole life that this is what I want but it's not. All of this has nothing to do with you.
Before I write an endless letter I come to the point: I am a homosexual woman."

Silence. You couldn't read no more because it was you who hurt him in this moment. It was you who read those painful words to him.

,,Is this the end?" He asked , not looking at you. He definitely cried.

,,N-no."

,,Well, then continue."

,,Severus I-"

,,Now."

,,I am a homosexual woman. I'm knowing this for all my life but tried to ignored it and then to blame others for my own unhappiness - in the case you.
I yelled at you, blamed you for some stupid this , made you feel lonely, unloved and worst of all I drove you to alcohol addiction.
Once again I don't ask for your forgiveness.
I am a coward for running away of my problems, for not telling you face to face and for not standing in for myself in front of my family.
Don't look after me because you won't find me.
The last lines are for y/n.

With love and guilt ,
Alena"

,,Do you want me to read the rest?" you asked with a shaky voice not knowing what to do in this situation. He did not answer.

,, Severus" you said, grabbing his shoulder.

,,Don't look at me y/n ,please. Pleas just read it."

,,Dear y/n,
I suppose I don't have to repeat everything I said before.
There are thing I have to tell you, which is even harder than the letter to Severus.
Y/n, you are one of the nicest persons i know and my dearest friend, and just like Severus i mistreated you badly, but this has a reason too. All of this is no excuse for everything but hopefully you'll understand me more.
You were always one of my favourite persons y/n until you turned into my favourite person in the whole world. I would die for you y/n.
I adore you, I love you. I've loved you for a long , long time well aware that we're never going to be together. Do you know how bad this hurts? All the feelings couldn't stay inside of me so it turned into hate. Hate to myself, to you and Severus.
But that's not the only things. After a while of spending time as a couple with you I noticed the way you and Severus look at each other.
He might did ignored it or thought it is just friendship - but it isn't.
This hurt me so bad, not only knowing you're never gonna love me back but also that he doesn't.
He likes me, and maybe even loves me but deep inside he knows the right one is you. Not me.

I hope one day you can maybe forgive me,
Alena."

You read the last lines almost whispering, hoping he can't understand a word you're saying.

He took one of your hands and squeezed it tight slowly turning his head to face you.

Tears rolled down his cheeks.

( No proofread, idk when I'll update next. My life is a huge mess rn but I finally found some time to write a new chapter. Hope you enjoyed it, ly guys.)