The Truth Untold

Freedom

FREEDOM 

Have you ever felt like you're stuck on something you cannot explain? 

Have you ever felt like everything is your fault? 

Have you ever felt like you don't have the right to be tired nor feel hurt? 

Blaming myself is one of my things, regretting and hating myself is a part of me. 

I have so many what if's and could have been in my entire life. 

"I'm tired.." I trailed off, "Can I just disappear?" I smiled bitterly and wiped the tears escaping from my eyes. 

"Stop crying like a baby, Faith." Tim tapped my shoulder, comforting me. 

"I want to go, Timothy. All of them have already found their happiness and freedom, but why am I still stuck in this life?" I asked him, I avoided his eyes and stared at the darkness of the sky. 

"Wanna know why?" his voice is so soothing, just like the sound of the night. 

I shake my head and smile, I already know the answer but I refuse to understand it. 

"I can't forget the things they did to me. I cannot forgive them.. I can't forgive myself." I laughed sarcastically. 

"Life is choking us to death!" he smirked and shook his head, just like me. He was like a lost spirit in the sea of sadness. 

"God, please let me breathe! I hate my life! I hate them! I hate myself!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. 

"Hey, calm down, Faith. Hush now, Faithy, I'm here." Tim hugged me, whispering words to calm me down. 

Just like an every day routine, Tim and I are just strolling around the freedom park. 

"I wish I also had a chance to play like them when I was a kid." Tim stated, staring at the kids while smiling. 

"I wish I could smile like that even though I'm wounded." I pointed to his smiling lips.

"You can do this, Faith. You don't have to rush things, to forgive them, but learn how to love yourself. Freed yourself from the pain, stop blaming yourself because it's not your fault to be like this." he ruffled my hair and smiled brightly. 

I smiled at him too and nodded. I'll try. 

My eyes widened when I saw a white lights behind him. A sign that says he needs to leave now and rest. Finally, he'll rest his soul. 

"So, it's a goodbye, Timothy." I gulped. 

"I'll wait for you in paradise, Faith!" he shouted as his spirit was eaten by the light. 

"Thank you for everything, my angel!" 

He just waved his hand, smiling. 

I wanted to go too. I want to rest. I wiped my tears away because from now on  there's no Tim to do it for me. 

Since he left, I'm lost again. Nowhere to go, just walking around. Weeks passed, I've no one to talk to. I feel so alone. 

I walked alone, feeling the sadness of the night. And I found myself in the ICU, staring at me who only lives because of the machines connecting to my body. Pale, lifeless, weak. 

My mom was there, holding my hand and crying. My brother is standing and holding my mom's shoulder. 

I move my feet and stop when I'm finally beside my mom. 

"I'm sorry, Faith, I'm sorry for everything, baby." my mom softly uttered while kissing my hand.

"Sorry if I let you suffer alone. Sorry for ignoring you when you told me you're tired." 

"Sorry for leaving you with them, my baby, if I only know they will hurt you like this.." my brother started to cry. 

I gulped, I wanted to hug them. I want to rest so I'm finally letting go of all the pain. 

"Hush now, mommy. It's not your fault, it's okay." I caressed her back even though I know she won't feel my touch. 

"Be strong, bro. It's not your fault that your friends raped me. It's okay." I hugged my brother.

"I'm okay, I just want to rest. I'll go first, mom. Your daughter is going to be the happiest girl when I die. I love you."

"Faith.." she called me, when I finally saw the light that fetched Tim last time, I smiled genuinely. Finally. 

As I walked through the light, I heard the machine indicating that my body lost the battle, but my soul finally won. 

Forgiveness. Acceptance. Death. My own definition of freedom.