Just Trust Me // A Minho Fanfic + Newtmas

Part Twenty-Eight: Bullet And A Gun

(WARNING - this chapter may be sensitive to some viewers - read with caution)

It was an accident. I didn't mean to do it. I may have had the gun aimed at her head but I was never going to shoot, I couldn't. But she scared me, screaming in my face. My finger slipped, pulling the trigger by mistake and

POP

Now I held my mother in my arms, the gun in my hand, blood smeared over my entire face. I was shaking, but I felt so stiff. My breaths were coming out in quick bursts and I wanted to throw up, but I didn't. I sat there with my mother in my murderous arms, trying to figure out what I had done.

It wasn't my fault. I told myself. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't my fault, it wasn't my fault....
But it was.

I didn't have to do it. I could have waited, I could have figured it out. But I didn't. And what I've done, it's permanent, I can't go back and fix it. The gun slipped from my hand and I thought I was going to collapse. I looked into my mothers empty glassy eyes, the blood pouring down from the bullet hole in her forehead. She was a limp body, signs of life completely torn away. Then, the door creaked open and a figure came from the darkness.

I didn't turn to face them, just waited for them to find me instead.

"(Y/n)?" My father called from the darkness.

With the gun pressed against my head, I looked back to where the voice came from and there he was. Minho was standing there, his mouth slightly open, sweating profusely, and I thought I saw a tear stream down his cheek. Everything inside of me was burning, screaming for me to do it, but I couldn't, not with him standing there, looking at me like that.

"How did you find me?" I screamed at him loudly, not because I was mad at him but because I could barely hear myself over the buzzing and voices in my head. Newt was there too, right next to Minho and he looked terrified.

"You weren't really secretive (Y/n)." Minho said, taking a step closer so I pressed the gun harder to my head, making him stop. "Now, please, put that down."

"I can't." I said as my voice broke and my entire body trembled, the gun heavy on my weak arms.

"Yes you can." Newt said, taking a step forward so that he was beside Minho again. "I know what it feels like to want to die."

"W-what?" I stuttered and Minho looked over to Newt, but the blondie just nodded, looking back to me.

"I tried to kill myself once." He said and the tears I tried hiding for their sake came down anyway. "Yeah, crazy right? It was in the Maze and as I watched the boys around me start to find theirselves again, I still felt lost. Empty." As Newt continued his story, I couldn't help but keep thinking about how well he hid it. I never would have known, he was always so positive. "And when the boys started dying, I blamed it on myself, that I wasn't good enough so I thought that maybe they'd all be better off without me." Newt got a little chocked up but continued. "So I climbed up the tallest wall in the Maze and I jumped. My leg got caught in the ivy, snapping it in three places and leaving me with this bloody limp. But when I thought I was dead, Minho found me, and he reminded me that I was worth it. Then Tommy came up and I felt, I donno, whole I guess."

"(Y/n)," Minho said, taking yet another step and this time I didn't do anything. "You don't have to do this, your important to a lot of people. You are worth it."

Just for a second, I thought that he was right, that I didn't have to do this and I didn't have to die. But it was only for a second, cause then the voice in my head overpowered the buzzing.