Neverending Thoughts & Feelings | Poems

Diary

Opening my little cabinet, I see a black, small book inside.
"Diary" the title said.
I swept of the dust, opened it and began to read.

A smile formed on my face as I remembered all those times...

I wrote about a guy I didn't like, yet still hung out with.
I wrote about sleighing with a friend, and how we laughed.
I wrote about my behaviour back then, and how much I've changed.
I wrote about how weird my life was and how I missed kindergarten.

At first I was very confident.
Maybe too confident.

After that I hated so many things.
Maybe too many.

At last I often felt sad.
Maybe too sad.

Thinking back, I remember some more things from the past.

I remember loving to write fantasy stories and I still do.
I remember my first hug from a friend and how I felt uncomfortable.
I remember acting crazy in kindergarten, to make my friends laugh.

Those were all the pages, each written down in a different colour, with a lot of grammar mistakes.

But as I was about to close the book, I saw something after the last page.
It was written in grey, three years later:

"Happy thoughts"
"Happy thoughts"
"Happy thoughts"

Confused, I went to the next page.
There was something written in the secret code I had created.
Luckily, I still remembered how to decode it.

It said:
"What happened?"
"How did it come to this?"
"Won't it ever change?"

It didn't seem as if there was anything more after that.
I slowly began to feel uncomfortable.
As if I didn't want to read any further.

But I noticed, many pages later, one page's corners were folded.
More secret codes.

"So this is what it came to."
"I don't want to eat, drink or even leave my room."

"..."

"I'm probably just having a bad day."

I looked for more written pages, to find something positive at the end.

But there was nothing more.
The pages after that were all empty.

So I wrote one final page:

"I'm feeling better. :)"