Awakening

Chapter 8

Ryker's POV

'What am I doing?'

The question circled through my mind again, forcing me to think about all the things that I desperately didn't want to think about. The same question that had been whizzing through my head for the past couple of days. And it all pointed right back to the girl that was in the motel room that I had just rented for the night. The girl that I had already risked life and limb to protect. The girl who was more important to this world than any human could possibly understand. The girl who drove me completely insane, to the point where I had to stop myself from strangling her, with just a simple roll of her eyes. The same girl that managed to stir emotions and thoughts that I had managed to keep buried for years. And that girl is Carla.

I sighed and stood straight. Walking over to the edge of the roof of the hotel that we stayed at I looked out over the parking lot. Narrowing my eyes I scanned the rows of cars, looking for anything that seemed out of place; listening for anything to give me reason to investigate or to get Carla and leave. I could hear the sounds of crickets chirpping and the noise of cars as they sped by on the highway not too far off, but nothing to give me pause. Seeing that everything was as it should be I stepped away. I knew that Carla and I would be safe for the night here. I had already checked the entire building, the parking lot, and all the neighboring buildings as well. Not a single sign of Michael or his dogs.

In complete honesty I shouldn't have stopped for the night. It would have been so much smarter to push on not stopping except for fuel and food. The sooner that we arrive at Penjamo the sooner that I can hand her off and get on with the rest of my exsistence, no matter how long that will be. But seeing her in the car, yawning and totally exhausted, I just couldn't bring myself to make her sleep in that damned cramped car. Letting out a sigh I couldn't help but think again 'What am I doing?'

Taking a drag off of my cigarette I allowed the smoke to billow into the dark night sky. As I looked up into the clear sky I saw how incredibly bright the stars were. I would never tell anyone but I do love to stare up at the night sky. The magnificent artwork of the sky is one thing that never changes. Over the countless years that I have been here on Earth I have always found a sense of calm from the never changing masterpiece of the sky. And Lord knows that a sense of peacefulness is something that I don't have much of anymore. But for as wonderful as the stars are I can never stare at them for long. They always seem to leave me feeling homesick.

It has been so long since I have been home. I wonder why I even bother to think of it as home anymore. It has been so long that I doubt whether I can even remember it correctly. But though I probably can't recall how perfect Heaven is I will never be able to forget it. How do you forget perfection? I'll never be able to forget the heart stopping beauty of the endless meadows and fields. I'll never forget the sound of all my brothers singing their praise for our creator. I'll never, ever forget the sense of being complete, of being whole, of being where I belong. I suppose it's the same for everyone, once you have a tatse of something so awe inspiringly perfect nothing will ever be able to compare to it. And that is how I feel. Nothing will ever be able to compete with paradise.

I think back to the conversation that I had with Carla in the car. She talked about Heaven, about how it's perfect. And though I attempted to rain on her parade, she's right. Heaven is paradise; plain and simple. But talking and thinking about it only seems to stir awake an achingly empty hole inside of me that I can never seem to fill. I gave up trying to fill it a long time ago. There is no point when I know that there is nothing that even remotely comes close. Nothing here on Earth, certainly not in Hell, no where in the universe will I ever find something to fill the void that sits inside me. So I found out a long time ago that it is just easier to pretend that Heaven isn't amazing, that it's over rated and that it isn't everything it's made out to be, when I know better than any mortal human that it's anything but.