(explanation at the end!!)
I let her leave. I just stood and watched as she walked away. And with every second I watched, I felt more and more empty. She left because I fucked up as usual. I was a fucking idiot.
I sat back on the couch and looked down at the remaining miniature bottles of vodka. After contemplating for a second, I grabbed one and unscrewed the cap. The alcohol burned as it went down bottle after bottle so I drank until I couldn't feel anything. I'd rather feel numb than feel pain and without Nick, that's all I felt. She's my distraction.
After a few hours of sitting alone on the roof, I stumbled down the stairs and made my way to the elevator so I could go to my floor. I opened the door to my apartment and threw my key on the table before heading to my room.
I fell down backwards onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. Trying to get my mind off Nick is one of the hardest the hardest things I have to do and I have to do it almost everyday. I've never felt this way about anyone before. It was this nauseating feeling in my stomach and this tight pain in my chest. I want to call her, I want to talk to her so bad. I wanna tell her I screwed up and she should come back. The problem is that I never got her number. My eyes were beginning to shut on their own and I realized that sleep would be a better way to get my mind off Nick than staring at the ceiling.
"Get up, Luke." I heard someone say which startled me and woke me up. It was my mom. "Why the fuck weren't you in school today?" She asked bitterly. I pretended I was still asleep so I didn't have to deal with her bullshit. "I asked you a question."
I stayed quiet and hoped she'd just leave and forget about it in the morning. "Okay asshole, fine." She said as she walked over to my bed. She grabbed the collar of my t-shirt and basically dragged me out of bed so I was standing in front of her. She looked up and me and slapped my cheek. "I knew you were awake. Why weren't you in school?"
"Why do you care?" I mumbled.
"Because I'm your mother, Luke." She said angrily.
"Not a very good one." I whispered under my breath as I looked down at my feet, avoiding eye contact.
"What was that?" She asked immediately. I didn't think she'd hear me, she wasn't supposed to at least. i shrugged and continued to look at the floor. "Look at me." She yelled before hitting me again and grabbing my jaw, forcing me to look at her.
I shook from her grip and nudged her out of my way as I walked out the door. "Don't expect me back anytime soon." I yelled before grabbing my key and slamming the door.
I didn't bother to use the elevator, I ran down the stairs all the way to the lobby and out to the street. I just wanted to get away, but I had no where to go. I'd usually just go to the roof but its later now and too cold. I just kept running down the sidewalk, no idea where I was going. My face felt hot and my eyes started stinging the more I ran but I didn't stop until I couldn't breathe. I sat down and rested against the side of a building to attempt to breathe but I started crying and my head was pounding as I gasped for air. My world was spinning and I clutched my head and shut my eyes tightly trying to stop the thumping and spinning.
I sat against the building until it got too cold to manage. I need somewhere to go and there's no where I'm going back to my apartment. After looking around I noticed that I've been here before. I've sat on the curb, I've been down this street.
The street lamps illuminated my breathe in the air, making it look like clouds of smoke. Which reminded me how badly I need a cigarette. I could turn back and get some at the gas station down the street, but I'm broke. I continued to walk down the sidewalk until I reached the apartment I was looking for. My stomach tied in tighter and tighter knots as I walked up the steps and knocked on the door. This was a really, really risky idea.
I listened to footsteps getting louder as they got closer to the door and the knob turned.
"Luke?"
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OKAY SO IF YOU DIDNT GET IT ALREADY, LUKE HAS AN ABUSIVE MOM
THIS WAS JUST SLAPPING HIM AND HITTING HIM BUT LIKE SHE IS ABUSIVE AND YEAH
AND WHEN I SAY LUKE HAS TO GET HIS MIND OF NICK ALL THE TIME AND SHE'S HIS DISTRACTION ITS BECAUSE HE LIKES HER TOO IF YOU DIDNT GET THAT AND HE HAS FOR A WHILE BUT NEVER SHOWED IT OKAY IM SORRY THIS WAS SHORt AND IT SUCKED BUT ITS BACK TO NICKS POV OKIE DOKIE ILY
