The Weight of Dreams || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 24: Things I Can Give You

I couldn't believe what was happening. In my mind, I was done. I had already accepted that it was over. It was all over. And maybe it was time for me to have a normal life. I would finally get to experience what it meant to have a real relationship, with someone who actually liked me. I'd get to wake up every morning without having to get my face painted on or be stalked and blinded by camera flashes.

And then he proposes. Sort of.

A girl dreams about getting engaged her whole life, and I felt.. nothing. I guess he technically hadn't proposed yet, but I still imagined feeling.. something more exciting than this.

Now Don was the one who needed me. But what if this wasn't what I wanted anymore? Was I able to turn him down? What would that even mean for me? Did I even want to live this life anymore?

Was this finally my way out?

I had never really had a minute to figure out what I even wanted out of life for myself; I had spent my entire life living for everyone else. I had no idea what made me me. I was always too busy being what everyone else wanted me to be.

I know Jake had said he'd take me with him anywhere. But was following someone else around what I wanted to do either? And then what about Sam? My heart sunk.

Sam.

I couldn't shake the look from his face out of my mind. I hated how that was how he had to hear about this. I hadn't even made up my mind yet, but he had heard enough. I'm sure he had told the rest of the guys everything already. But what did it matter? He said we were friends, so that's all we were ever going to be. So what did it matter how he felt about it?

This had nothing to do with him anymore. But he was the first one I thought of the moment it happened.

I knew sooner or later I would have to talk to him. I would have to talk to everyone. If this happened, this would be my life for the next.. how many years? I have no idea what goes into an engagement, let alone a wedding of this magnitude. And knowing Don's family, it would be a giant spectacle.

Anything for publicity.

But if I did agree to it, I couldn't be seen with Jake, or Sam, or anyone else ever again. And.. I didn't know if that was something I could agree to.

Then I heard my phone buzz.

I sighed, turning over. It was probably Don again, complaining about something else that was going around. I still couldn't believe how much I couldn't remember from last night. I'm sure everything I had seen wasn't even a fraction of what actually happened. Maybe it was best if I never knew.

My heart dropped. It was Sam.

Sam: I need some time alone with you tonight.

I felt my heart start to beat faster. Some time alone? I couldn't imagine why he'd want some "time alone" with me, unless it was to tell me how stupid I was being for even entertaining Don's proposal. I sighed, tossing my phone to the side. He didn't get it. None of them understood. They were all still so new to this. They had no idea what I was going through, or what I had been going through my entire life. They've never had their entire career held over their head like this. It was so easy for them to think they knew everything when they would never know what it was like. I reached back over and grabbed my phone.

Scrolling through, I found Jake's number.

Juliette: Can you come back to my bus?

If anything, I wanted Jake to hear about Don from me. I still didn't know what I was gonna do, but I felt I owed him that much. I heard my phone buzz.

Jake: Sure :)

It wasn't long before I heard a knock at the door.

"Hey." He said, giving me a subtle smile. He looked around as he walked up the steps, trying not to make it too obvious.
"Don't worry, he left." I giggled, sitting down on the couch. "You're okay." He smirked back, his cheeks burning. He sat down close, staring back at me.
"So, are you okay? What happened with Don?" He asked.
"Well.." I said, staring back. How easy it was to get lost in his eyes. His smile grew the longer I stared. I felt my cheeks burn.

"Well, he proposed." I said softly. His face dropped.
"Oh." He finally said, looking away. "So.. what does that mean?" I shrugged, holding my stare on him.
"I'm not sure. I mean, he hasn't officially proposed yet but.. he told me that he's going to. He said it needs to be big.. in order to get all of this attention off of.. us." He peeked back, smirking at me.

"Oh.. is there a lot of attention on us?" He asked, his cheeks getting redder. My smile grew.
"I take it you haven't been online today." I said. He bit down on his lip, shaking his head.
"I.. haven't been able to use my phone all day." He giggled to himself. "I was lucky I saw your message before." He pulled his phone out of his pocket, putting it down on the couch.

He wasn't kidding. Every few seconds a new notification would pop up.

"Sorry about that." I laughed, flipping it back over. He shrugged, smiling back at me with dazed eyes.
"I don't mind it." He said softly, looking down at my hands. "It was worth it for last night." I felt my cheeks burn. Reaching out, I gently took one of his hands in mine, intertwining our fingers. He smiled back up at me, his eyes lighting up.

"But then.. what does this mean for.. us?" He asked. I sighed, shrugging again.
"I still haven't decided.. what I'm gonna say."
"Oh.." He said, sounding hopeful. "You mean-"
"I mean.. I don't know if this is what I want anymore. I don't know. This is all I've ever known. And.. a few hours ago, I kinda came to peace with the idea that it might all be over. And it felt.. kinda nice." I laughed to myself.

"But you would miss it." He said simply, gently running his thumb over my hand. I shrugged.
"I don't know if I would. There are so many things I haven't done. So many things I haven't gotten to experience.. that I'll never get to experience.."
"Like what?" He asked, his eyes bouncing from mine down to my lips. I felt my heart start to beat faster.

"Like this." I sighed, reaching in, and gently pulling him into a kiss. "Us. Without.. all of that." I said, looking over at his phone. "I would love to know what it feels like.. to just be able to hold your hand out in public like a normal.. couple, and not read about it everywhere an hour later. I want to know what it feels like to get to date someone.. who's excited about me. And isn't just with me because.. of all this. Because it's basically his job. I just-"

He cut me off, his hand moving up to my cheek, pulling me into another kiss. I felt my head start to spin, not able to tell if it was from him or the hangover. I leaned in further, reaching up and grabbing his shirt, pulling him in closer. I felt him sigh, now leaning his forehead against mine.

"Juliette, I just.. I want you to be happy." He sighed, staring back into my eyes. My heart was racing.
"And he said.. I can't be seen with you anymore. Any of you, but.. especially you. We can't risk anything pulling attention away from the engagement or the wedding so.. it would basically be like we don't exist to each other anymore. And he would make sure of it."

His face dropped.
"Oh.." He sighed. I bit down on my lip, staring back at him. He was quiet for a moment, holding his stare on me. Every second felt like an eternity.

Now that I had experienced what it felt like to be wanted in the way he wanted me, I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to go back. When you go your entire life being treated like nothing more than an option, being treated like a priority almost becomes an addiction. And now that I knew how Sam felt about me, I had no one else holding me back. I had to get over him.

And Jake was making it easier.

"Please say something." I sighed, reaching up, gently touching his cheek.
"I understand if you have to choose him. I'm not dumb, I know.. he can give you the world." He said softly, moving his hand to my leg. I felt my cheeks burn. "This is your life, this is your entire career, and I get that.." He said, biting down on his lip. But I could tell there was more.

"But what?" I asked, moving closer.
"But.. there are things I can give you too, that I know he can't."