The Weight of Dreams || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 32: Just For Us

I woke up in a fog, looking around as my blurry vision gradually started to focus, suddenly feeling a weight over me. Slowly but surely, the night started coming back to me. And then I remembered, carefully reaching up, unable to contain my grin as I felt Jake's arm wrapped around me. He held me close, his gentle breaths lightly blowing against my neck.

I couldn't remember the last time someone held me while I slept. I don't know how I would ever sleep without it again.

I carefully intertwined my fingers into his, cuddling back against him as I heard him sigh, his grip on me getting tighter as he nuzzled his face into my hair. All I wanted was for him to wake up, just so I could spend that much more time with him before everything had to go back to normal.

And then I realized.
My phone.
I hadn't checked it all night.

It was the longest I had ever gone without it.

I reached over, as far as I could towards my end table, trying my hardest not to disturb him, my fingers barely reaching it, but finally managed to pull it over. I lightly tapped the glass to now see a screen full of messages.

From Amy, from Tony, and worst of all, Don.
I clicked his first.

Don: Where are you? We need to plan out how we're going to do this. My parents are asking and they want to be involved too. This could be great for everyone, not just us, but the label too.

Don: You better not be out with them. Thankfully it seems like everyone has already forgotten, so don't fuck that up again. We can't risk this, Juliette.

I hated that he called me that. Especially when it was just between us. He knew that wasn't my real name too. And yet, even when we were alone, he still only saw me as her.

Don: Don't make me come back out there.

I couldn't help but giggle at the thought. I knew the last thing he wanted was to be bothered to come out here and see me if it didn't benefit him. And for all I knew he had girls in his bed every night back home. But suddenly.. I didn't care anymore.

Not when I had someone new in mine.

When you finally feel something real, it becomes almost impossible to hang onto anything that doesn't come close anymore. And it was amazing how one night with Jake showed me just how incredible the real thing could feel.

But I couldn't ignore the undeniable.
Jake and I came from different worlds.

And sure, they were here on this tour, and it was fun for them for the time being, but in the long run, was this something that he could actually handle? I wasn't naïve. I knew how people idealized this life, but once they finally got a taste of what it was really like, once the lights went down and you were left with the deafening silence of your own thoughts when the screams finally stopped and the flashes left you blind and you no longer knew who you were without everyone around you reassuring you of how amazing you were, never truly knowing who was there for you, or who they thought you were..

There were moments where I did dream of what life could be like with someone like him. This was all I had ever known. Was that something that I could adjust to?

I knew I was getting ahead of myself, but these were things I had to think about too if I was considering throwing it all away..

Juliette: we'll talk later. busy.

I closed my phone, sliding it back over onto my end table before carefully turning over to face Jake. He looked so peaceful, his gentle, even breaths leaving his chest to rise and fall, practically begging my hands lovingly caress his every curve.

And then he slowly began to open his eyes, a gentle smile spreading across his lips.
"Good morning." He whispered, reaching up, fondly running his fingers through my hair.

He gazed at me like you do the morning sun, not quite awake, but still not wanting to miss that dazzling brilliance of a new morning, knowing there was no better way to start the day than being bathed in the sun's adoring rays. And how easy it was to immerse him within my warmth, wanting nothing more than to be the reason he glowed.

"Good morning." I sighed, realizing that 'good' was an understatement. If only every morning could be as good as this one. His smile grew.

"How did you sleep?" He asked, his fingers now gently grazing up and down my arm. I bit down on my lip, trying my best to hold back the giddy grin that now so easily escaped from my lips, having wanted to be freed from her constant forced arcs for so long, forgetting how sublime something as simple as a a genuine smile could feel.

Something else so many people took for granted.

"Good." I finally muttered. He licked his lips, his eyes moving down to mine. His reluctance was admirable, yet another thing so many people took for granted, having gotten used to being surrounded by those who were always willing to take whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted.

But how badly I wanted him too.
And even still, I stayed put.

I was already falling for the innocence of it all, something I had never experienced with Don. It was the little things I craved, the things I knew that the was more than capable of giving me, because for him, they were the big things. And perhaps I could be the one to show him how grand life could truly be.

Perhaps.. we could give each other the world.

"Good." He giggled to himself, one of his hands finding its way into mine, gently intertwining our fingers as he pulled them up to his lips, kissing every one while keeping his eyes locked on me.

"What are you thinking about, Julia?" He asked. My heart jumped at the sound of my name. My real name. I shrugged, smirking back at him.
"You know.. you can't call me that.. out there." I said. He nodded.
"I know." He said softly. "That's just for us."

Just for us.
I wanted so many more things just for us.

"You know, Jake isn't my real name either." He said, biting down on his lip.
"R-really?" I asked, now propping my head up onto my hand. He shook his head, his smile growing.
"Nope."
"Then.. what is it?"
"Jacob." He laughed. I shook my head, playfully rolling my eyes.

"That's not the same." I sighed. He nodded, continuing to giggle to himself. He was adorable.
"I know, but.. I don't know, you shared something that personal with me.." He said, his voice now trailing off. "I just.. I want to share things with you too."
"I'm sure you'll think of something." I said. He nodded, reaching back out for me.

"So.. once we go back out there.." He said, motioning away. "This.. this doesn't exist anymore?" I hated the idea of another day where this didn't exist, but it was for the best, for right now, at least.
"I.. I'm sorry, it's just.. I mean, well with everything-"
"It's okay. I understand." He muttered.

"He texted me." I blurted out. "Don. He.. He wants to talk about.. everything, and.. well, he was checking up on me to make sure that.. I wasn't with any of you guys." He smirked back at me, his cheeks burning red.
"And.. what did you say?" I shrugged, avoiding his eyes.
"I told him I was busy." I giggled. My heart jumped at the sound of his laughter as his hands moved down to my waist, cautiously pulling me up against him, now wrapping his arms around me.

I peeked up at him, hoping he couldn't feel my heart pounding against his chest. But even if he did, he stayed quiet, his eyes moving back down to my lips. And then I leaned in, pulling him into a gentle kiss, instantly feeling one of his hands carefully caress my neck as he kissed me back just as tenderly, as if savoring every moment together, both of us needing that much more of each other, all the while neither of us wanting to push it too far.

Finally, he backed away, trying his best to subside his heavy breaths as he leaned is forehead against mine.
"Julia.." He exhaled. My heart jumped.
"Mhm?" I managed. He hesitated for a moment, no doubt having another speech prepared about not wanting us to go too far, but this time.. nothing came out. The longer his eyes lingered on mine, the more my heart continued to pound, it now taking everything in me not to take what I wanted.

And then he reached back up again, holding my face in his hands before pulling me into a deep and amorous kiss.