The Weight of Dreams || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 36: How Do You Know?

Later That Night

I stared back into the mirror as Amy tightly pulled my hair back, applying the many pounds of glitter that I was doused in night after night. She was quiet, avoiding my eyes, I'm sure just as curious as to what was going on these days, just as much as I was.

"We can talk, if you want." I muttered. I saw her face relax, a small smile spreading across her lips.
"So.. what's going on with you and Jake?" She finally asked. I felt my cheeks burn now unable to contain my flustered grin as flashes of the night before played in my mind.
"As.. much as possible." I giggled. Her smile grew.
"What does that mean?" She asked eagerly.
"He.. he spent the night.. on my bus."

She let out one of her famous, enthusiastic squeals.
"Juliette!" I hid my face in my hands, wanting to hide my now bright red face.
"Nothing happened!" I laughed, as badly as I wished I had more to tell her. "We just.. we stayed up all night and.. talked. And.. it was just.. so nice. To finally have someone to.. be like that with."

She sighed, her face relaxing into a delighted grin.
"And.." I added. "I.. I told him.. my real name." Her eyes went wide.
"Do you.. I mean, can we trust him to-"
"We can trust him." I said surely. She nodded, going back to spraying my hair down into place.
"Now, um.. since things seem to be.. progressing with Jake, can I.. ask about Sam?" My stomach dropped.

"He.. he asked to see me tonight." I shrugged. "Well, technically he asked to see me last night but.. after the bar I got so caught up with Jake and.. I.. I might've forgotten, but.. it didn't really seem like he remembered either and-"
"Juliette, can I ask you something? And.. you know you can talk to me. I'm.. I'm your friend before anything and.. I just want-"
"You can ask me." I said, knowing where she was going with this.

"Do you know what you're going to do about Don?" I sighed, peeking back up at her through my reflection, timidly shaking my head.
"Okay, but.. do you know what you.. want to do?" I bit down on my lip, just needing to talk this out with someone, just once.

"Amy, can I-"
"You can tell me anything, Julia. No matter what." She said softly. I couldn't help but smile, having forgotten the last time she actually referred to me by my real name. It was how I always knew she really meant it.

"I don't want to marry him, Amy." I finally admitted out loud. She tried her best to hide it, but I could see the relief on her face.
"But?" She asked.
"But.. I'm terrified of what will happen to me if I say no. He.. his whole family.. they control so much, so much more than people realize, and if I say no.. I know they will take everything from me. And.. I have no idea what I'd do-"
"But what is this life without love, Julia?"

I knew she was right. Even though it was way too soon to be thinking about that, agreeing to marry Don would eliminate any chance of me finding that fairytale down the line, and was I really willing to give that up? For this?

"You severely underestimate how people see you." She said, going over to our trunk of clothes, pulling out a hot pink jacket, bringing it over and draping it over me. "Yes, I'm sure he would try his best, but.. you've done so much, you've inspired so many, people love you, and.. even if you had to start all over tomorrow, they'll all follow. You will never have nothing, and.. no matter what you choose.. I will always be there for you, as I'm sure will Tony. And Jake." She giggled. I felt my cheeks burn again.

"The Grammy's are coming up." I said, trying to segue into the other thing that was on my mind. She nodded.
"They are." She said simply. "Have you heard anything?" I shrugged.
"Don said that.. we were basically guaranteed to be nominated." I muttered. Her eyes instantly lit up.
"Juliette! This is huge!" She yelled. I sighed, nodding nonchalantly. She could sense my lack of enthusiasm.

"W-what's wrong? I.. I thought you'd be excited? I mean.. this is what we've always worked for, right?"
"It's rigged, Amy." I sighed. "We're only getting the nomination from the hype he's anticipating from the engagement. None of it is real." Her face dropped.
"T-that's not true. It.. it is real. And.. you've earned it."
"I guess."
"You are so talented. Please don't let a man make you feel like you haven't earned everything you have." She said sternly. I peeked back up at her, happy to have someone like her at a time like this.
"Thank you." I mouthed, not wanting to get too emotional after she had finally finished painting my face.

"But.. I was considering maybe inviting.. Jake to come with me." I said softly, avoiding her eyes again. She was quiet for a moment.
"Like.. as your date?" She giggled. My heart jumped.
"Well, I guess technically no, since.. that's when Don would want us to walk the carpet together but.. to me.. yes."

"I've never seen you like this over anyone before." She laughed. "I actually kinda thought that Sa-" She then quickly stopped herself, her face dropping. But I knew what she was going to say.
"Amy, c-can I-"
"Of course." She smirked. I sighed, my heart now beating faster.

"Sam is.." I shook my head, trying to find the words.
"Different." She said, her smile growing. I nodded, biting down on my lip.
"He doesn't treat me the way everyone else does. He makes me feel.. normal, and.. I've never felt normal before. He doesn't treat me like Juliette. He treats me like.. Julia, and.. he doesn't even know her. I want to tell him-"
"Do you really think it's the best idea.. letting these things get out?" She asked. I knew she was just being cautious, which I appreciated.

"But you like Jake.." She said. I nodded, avoiding her eyes. I did like Jake, more and more every second I spent with him, but even still, there were times I could feel him getting caught up in all of this, where as with Sam..

"I think.. before you get married, you should take this time to figure out what you want, you owe yourself that much. You deserve happiness just as much as anyone, and.. how do you know who can truly give that to you, until you.. try?"

She was right.
But how was I supposed to do that?
Especially now?

"But Amy, how can I-"
"You can start by seeing him tonight." She smirked, going over to the vanity and scanning the list of dressing room requirements. "Oh, and would you look at that.. no one got you your bowl of Skittles." I couldn't help but laugh, now shaking my head.

"Amy, everyone knows that list is bullshit, it's just so we know if the crew actually-"
"No, no.. you need your Skittles, don't worry, I'll go get them, and.. if I happen to run into anyone on the way there well.. I'll just send them back here." She said, winking at me before heading for the door.

"Amy.." I groaned, but couldn't contain my grin, thankful I had someone like her to make these decisions for me.
"Don't worry, I'll be right back, and.. if the door happens to be locked, well, I'll take that as a hint to just.. take another lap." She said, making her way out and quickly shutting the door behind her.

I playfully rolled my eyes, turning back towards my reflection. It really was amazing how different she could make me look every night. This was the woman that everyone adored, but I loved the girl I was when it all came off. And sometimes I wished that that could be enough.

But it never would be.
But.. maybe it could be for-

I jumped at the sound of knocking, quickly turning around to see Sam standing in the doorway. I couldn't help but smile, feeling like my face was on face. He smirked back at me, shutting the door behind him.

"So, I just ran into Amy.." He said playfully, now making me wonder what she could have possibly said to him.
"Oh yeah?" I asked. "W-what did she say?"
"She said that.. you wanted to see me."
"Yeah.. I did." I sighed, biting down on my lip now feeling my heart beat faster as I reached over, locking the door.