The Weight of Dreams || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 40: Something to Hold Onto

Once Don left, I finally felt like I could breath again, despite wondering if he was lurking around every corner, waiting to catch us again. But for the remainder of their set, I just stood back and watched him, and he was beautiful.

I couldn't help but wonder what Jake was like when he was younger, after seeing just how confident he looked out there now. Was he always like this? Sometimes it was hard to believe after learning how he was when we were alone. Not exactly shy, but not quite the life of the party either; an observant wallflower, mysterious and guarded, only making me want to know more.

It was crazy how I could already like him so much, despite knowing so little about him. I guess that meant there was just that much more for me to love.

I was completely mesmerized watching him, unable to comprehend how someone could even do that. I had been playing guitar my entire life and even still, I knew that I was no where near as good as that, and I never would be. But that wouldn't stop me from trying to get a few lessons out of him, not if it meant us spending that much more time together.

I'm sure he wouldn't be opposed.
I knew there was so much he could teach me.
In so many ways.

And then my heart jumped as he peeked over at me, flashing me a toothy grin. His hair stuck to his face, now damp with sweat, but still, what I wouldn't give to run my fingers through it. I backed away, hiding further in the shadows of the wings as I bit down on my lip, trying to contain my giddy grin, finally getting to experience what it felt like to be the one to get noticed in the crowd.

And with just a look he could make me feel so special.

I gazed from afar, enjoying the anonymity that came with someone else being in the spotlight for once, but still eager for the moment he came running back to me again.

And suddenly, with another roar of the crowd, the lights began to flash as they took their bows, and one by one they quickly made their way into the shadows of the wings once again, flashing me proud grins, until finally I was met with those same eyes, wide with enthusiasm, that made my heart jump whenever I was lucky enough just to be gazed upon by them.

He quickly lifted his guitar over his head, nearly tossing it onto the stand before turning back to me.
"You staye-" He started before I practically lunged at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug. He was so warm, now feeling his strong arms around me.

"Of course I stayed." I sighed, feeling my heart swell in my chest as he gently placed his hand on the back of my head, pulling me in closer. I had never felt this way about anyone before, the faintest touch and I was ready to explode.

"So, how were we?" He asked, finally backing away, his hands gently moving down to my waist. I grabbed onto his jacket, my eyes moving down to his necklace that loosely dangled over his glistening chest, feeling myself get distracted from the lustful daydreams that slowly crept into my mind.
"You were incredible." I said, my eyes moving down to his lips. His eyes instantly lit up, his smile growing.

He looked around, leaning back in, whispering into my ear.
"I want to kiss you so bad." He said, and it was like something ignited in me.

My heart jumped, my grip on him getting tighter as I pulled him away, further into the wings. The sound of his giddy laughter as we playfully scurried away made me feel like a kid again, filled with nothing but excitement and joy.

Finally we were surrounded by pitch black. Unable to see even a few inches in front me, I carefully reached out for him, feeling around until I gently caressed his face, having already memorized every inch of his outline.

I would know him anywhere.

Then he kissed me. And for a moment, the possibility of a new life flashed before my eyes. Waking up to a mountain view, his quiet humming filled the living room alongside the beautiful strums of his acoustic guitar. The bold scent of a freshly brewed pot of coffee engulfed the kitchen, sublimely combined with the crispness of the morning air.

Everything was so beautifully, effortlessly, simple.

"How long until you go on?" He breathed, finally forcing himself to move away. I shook my head, pulling him back into another series of long kisses. The last thing I wanted to think about right now was reality, just needing to live within this daydream with him a little bit longer.

"Julia.." He laughed, leaning his forehead against mine, gently brushing his fingers against my cheek.
"Jake, can you.. stay with me again tonight?" I asked, suddenly feeling the nerves take over. By now my eyes had adjusted, showing the faintest details of his face, but even still I could see his reluctance.

"I thought we said.. just this once." He giggled. I nodded, knowing I was pushing my luck, but all I really wanted was just that much more time with him. These few moments hidden away in dark corners would never be enough for me.
"Okay." I muttered, not wanting to push him. I never wanted to make him uncomfortable, despite my selfish needs. He was quiet again, holding his stare on me for a moment before leaning back into another gentle kiss.

"So, how much longer 'till you go on?" He asked again, no doubt trying to change the subject. I sighed, pulling him into one more kiss before taking his hand, leading him through the wings and back out into the hallway.
"I've got about ten minutes." I said, hooking my pinky onto his, gently swinging our arms. He moved his hand further into mine, tightly intertwining our fingers.

"You know how much I like you, right?" He said. I peeked up at him, feeling my cheeks burn.
"Y-yeah.." I muttered, a timid smile escaping my lips. "I.. I think so." He shook his head, giggling to himself.
"I just.. I need you to know that it's not about that. I.. I want to stay with you, I'm just.. scared."
"You have nothing to be scared of." I said, now stopping, leaning back up against the wall. He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets, his eyes now moving down to his feet.

"I mean, until I know I don't, I.. I do, Juliette." He said, nervously looking around. I appreciated his discretion, as much as I also loved when he called me by my real name.

When I was Julia, we felt real.

" Jake, I .. really like you, and I care about you and I.. I just want more time with you." I said, feeling like my body was on fire. I had never been this up front with someone before, but he was worth the few seconds of embarrassment if it meant he always felt secure in how I felt. I knew how much second guessing could hurt, and I never wanted to put him through that, despite just how much I was second guessing everything in my own life.

He finally peeked up at me with a timid grin, his cheeks now an adorable shade on pink. There was something so instinctively beautiful about him, the way he embodied nature in such an inherent way; his lips the purest shade of pink, comparable to that of a freshly bloomed Spring flower, so sweet like the honey of it's visitor bee, having once graced the blushing petals with such delicate grace.

"I need you to give me.. something, Julia." He whispered, leaning in close. "I need.. something to hold onto to know that.. you're not just gonna wake up one morning and decide that.." He stopped, his face hardening into a concerned frown.

I hated dragging him through this, especially knowing that I couldn't give him that, at least, not completely, not right now, as badly as I wanted to.
"But.. if you can't give me that-" And then for the first time, I stopped thinking and I just.. did. I pulled him into a passionate kiss, tightly tangling my fingers in his hair, not caring who could see us. Because all that mattered to me right now, was him. And I needed him to know that.

He kissed me back until his lips curled into a foreseeable grin. How much I loved being the reason for that smile.

And then my heart sunk at the sound of a dauntingly familiar voice, bellowing down the hallway.
"Jake." They called out. "Can I talk to you?"