The Weight of Dreams || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 49: How Love Should Feel

I loved the way he kissed me; so tenderly, but each and every time I could feel just how much he meant it. And I had never been kissed in such a way before, feeling so wanted with such careful intentions, so cautious, his every move intentional.

He instantly reached back over for me as I moved away, flashing him an involuntary grin, guiding him towards the back room. I didn't hesitate to pull him back into a series of passionate kisses as I shut the door behind us, leading him over towards my bed where we playfully tumbled over. His hands quickly moved to my waist, carefully holding me up as not to fall, giving him an excuse to pull me in that much closer to him.

As he leaned back against my pillows, I carefully climbed into his lap, running my fingers through his hair as I got lost in every detail of his eyes again. They were so easy to fall into as they stared back at me so graciously.

Oh, how I loved him..

His lips then moved from mine, across my cheek, down to my neck as his kisses became harder, slowly removing my jacket and tossing it onto the floor. I could feel my heart beating faster, now starting to become nervous about how far he wanted this to go.

"Jake.." I whispered. He stopped, staring back at me wide-eyed.
"I'm sorry, I just-"
"N-no, it's okay, if.. if you want to, I just.. I feel like I should tell you that I.. I mean, well, I don't really have a lot of experience in this kind of thing." I muttered, feeling my face get hot.

If we were really about to do this, the least I could do was manage his expectations. When it came to Don and I, it was never like how you saw in the movies. I never really had any say in the matter, everything was really just about.. him. He always said that, all I had to do was show up, so I never really knew what I was supposed to be doing.

"What do you mean?" He whispered, gently brushing the hair out of my face. "Julia, we.. we don't have to.. I mean, well.. I don't think that I'm.." He stopped himself, shrugging as he avoided my eyes. I felt somewhat relieved.

"I just mean that.. well, with Don, it really wasn't about me, so.." I muttered. He was quiet for a moment, eventually nodding. I hoped I didn't have to get much more detailed than that.
"If it helps, neither do I." He said softly, giving me a gentle smile.
"Really?" I asked. He nodded, his face relaxing again as his eyes began to scan my face.

"I think we should get you cleaned up first." He giggled, gently wiping next to my eye, showing me a thumb full of glitter. I nodded, taking his hand and helping him up, leading him to my bathroom. I heard him sigh as we made our way inside.

"What?" I asked, smirking back at him through the mirror's reflection. He shook his head, staring back at me as he leaned up against the counter.
"Nothing." He said. "It's just that even your bathroom on your bus is nicer than mine." I playfully rolled my eyes, grabbing a makeup wipe from one of my bags. He took it from my hand, turning towards me.

"Here, let me." He said sweetly, gently wiping my face, careful not to rub too hard. I admired him as he cleaned me up, eventually throwing the first away, grabbing another.
"Do you do this often?" I joked. He shook his head, smirking back at me.
"No, but I probably should learn." I pulled out a spare hair tie from my bag, along with a fluffy pink head band. He questionably looked down at them, and then back up at me.

"Take them." I insisted. He hesitated for a moment before tying his hair up, begrudgingly pulling it back with the headband. I couldn't help but smile. He was adorable. And so sweet for playing along.

"Alright, now what?" He groaned, but still with a playful grin on his lips.
"First you wash with this, and then you moisturize with this." I said, placing the bottles in front of him. He did what he was told, watching closely and copying my every move.

"Okay now what?" He asked, now seeming more interested. I leaned down, pulling out one of my rollers from the mini fridge under the sink. His eyes went wide for a moment.
"What the hell is that?" He laughed. I hopped up onto the sink, motioning for him to get closer. He did, moving between my legs, staring back at me. As I brought it up to his face, he jumped at the ice cold feeling against his skin, but eventually moved in closer, his eyes eventually closing.
"See, it's nice." I said softly. He nodded, staying quiet.

These were the moments I had always wanted with my person; so simple but so intimate. And I knew I had finally found the one when moments as simple as getting washed and ready for bed could be the most romantic. He made life's simplest moments so exciting.

When I finally moved away, his eyes instantly opened.
"That's it?" He asked. I nodded, giggling to myself as I put it back into the mini fridge.
"I can do it again for you tomorrow." I said, leaning into a gentle kiss. His lips curled into a smile as he reached up, gently caressing my face.
"Okay." He said, staring back at me with tired eyes. I hopped down from the sink, taking his hand and guided him back into the bedroom.

He pulled off the head band and let his hair back down, placing them both onto the end table as he ran his fingers through it, getting himself comfortable again. I crawled back into bed next to him, cuddling close under the covers.

"Jake.." I asked, feeling my heart start to beat faster again. Part of me didn't want to have this conversation, but if things were going to get more serious between us, we were bound to at some point, and after everything I was putting him through with Don, it was only fair.
"Mhm?" He said, his fingers now gently running up and down my arm.
"Have you.. ever been with anyone?" He nodded.
"Just one." He said simply. "A girl back home." It made it a little easier, like it was okay to talk about.

"Did you love her?" I asked. He nodded, but stayed quiet this time. Part of me wondered if he still loved her, and maybe it wasn't okay to talk about after all, but then he turned to me, flashing me a subtle smile.
"I did, but.. you know how things go. Life gets in the way and you just.. you go your separate ways, I guess. We.. wanted different things out of life. She wanted to settle down and.. I wanted to dream." He said softly, his eyes now lighting up. I couldn't help but smile.
"Well, I'm really glad you did."
"So am I."

"Do you still love her?" He shook his head, now avoiding my eyes.
"No, but.. nothing went wrong, so I guess that's just a weird place to be. Not having anything to blame it on. But.. we just knew we weren't meant for each other. And that's okay." I nodded, moving my hand into his, intertwining our fingers. I felt his grip on me get tighter.
"So.. there's no chance of you.. wanting to get back together with her?" I asked. He shook his head, giggling to himself.
"No. She's married now. Which.. I'm happy for her. She got what she wanted and.. so did I. I guess we both gave each other permission to dream after all."
"That's really nice." I whispered. He nodded.

"Jake.."
"Yeah?
"I don't love him." I said. "Don, I mean. I think that I did, or at least.. I tried to convince myself that I did but.. then I met you, and.. you make me feel how I've always imagined love should feel." He turned to face me, his eyes going wide, a lively grin spread across his lips.

I hoped he understood what I was trying to tell him.

"That's how you make me feel too, Julia." He said. My heart jumped. And I could feel it, as we both waited for the other to be brave enough to finally say it, and yet again, we both fell short, cowering away from the weight of the word.

But just because things aren't said out loud, doesn't meant they're not felt to their greatest capacity, and in that moment we both knew that we had fallen so deeply into that word..

and that was enough for me.