The Weight of Dreams || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 33: Rigged

I couldn't remember the last time I had a morning so peaceful. No one painting my face, or tugging my hair, or pulling me in every which way. Time with him was serene, making me start to value the beautiful silence between us over the deafening screams of strangers.

"Julia.." He sighed, gently brushing his fingers against my cheek, slowly combing them through my hair as I became hypnotized, his tired morning eyes just as inviting as his alluring midnight gaze.

"Jake.." I giggled to myself, unable to contain my giddy grin. His smile grew.
"So what are we gonna do about this?" He asked playfully, his eyes moving back down to my lips. The last thing I wanted to do was think about "this." I just wanted to live within this daydream with him forever.

"Do we have to think about that right now?" I groaned. He nodded, his smile growing.
"Unfortunately, yeah. Cause.. I can't keep fooling around with a woman who's going to be getting married soon." I sighed, pushing myself back up to face him.
"I don't consider this.. 'fooling around.'" I muttered, now feeling my face get hot. I could see his eyes light up.
"Oh.. no?" He asked. I shook my head, holding my stare on him.

Don and I never really spoke about feelings, mainly because I couldn't tell you the last time we really had any. So this was all new for me. Feeling them, let alone talking about them.

"I just.. I.. I have friends who talk about the guys they're.. 'fooling around' with and.. that's just not how I see this, or you, that's not how this.. feels to me." I said softly, now avoiding his eyes. He carefully reached over for my hand, slowly intertwining our fingers, his thumb gently brushing against my palm.
"How does this feel to you?"

How did it feel? I wasn't entirely sure, having never truly felt like this before, having only gotten a taste at the beginning of the tour, but Sam had made up his mind, so that ship had sailed, and I had done everything in my power not to think about it anymore. And now I was here with Jake, and he was more than willing to show me how he felt and more..

"You make me feel safe." I muttered, looking back down at our hands. "You.. you have this way of making me feel like we're the only two in the world, where.. for me, that's kind of incredible." I laughed. His smile grew, his cheeks now burning red.

"I feel like.. with you, I can actually be myself. I don't have to be Juliette all the time. I can finally.. just be Julia, and know that she's enough. And.. I haven't been able to be her in.. so long, but with you I can, and.. I just.. I don't want that to go away."

He then reached up, gently caressing my face.
"It doesn't have to go away, Julia. We can be like this.. all the time. If you wanted to." And I knew he was right. I knew that we could, but.. it just wasn't that simple. I couldn't just decide to up and quit and leave everything behind, especially not for a guy I just met, no matter how he made me feel.

For all I knew, I was just getting caught up in the fact that he was better than Don, and by those standards, anyone else could make me feel this way.

"I.. I just.. I need more time." I whispered. He sighed, forcing a smile, nodding.
"I understand. And.. if it makes you feel any better.. I don't. But.. like I said, I can't handle you pushing this farther, making me fall that much harder for you without any intention of catching me."

He was right, and that was more than fair. But I had way more on the line than he did. He had nothing to lose and everything to gain here. Whereas if I walked away from Don, I could be left with nothing. My life would change completely.

But who's to say not for the better.
And he could make it so much better.

I moved in closer, gently wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands instantly moved down to my waist, pulling me up against him as if already by habit. How much I loved the way our bodies fit so perfectly together, as if we really were each other's missing piece.

"How long before you decide?" He finally asked. I shrugged, leaning my forehead against his.
"However long until Don decides he's going to propose."
"And.. when is that?" I shrugged again.
"Don never really includes me in his plans. I pretty much find out with the rest of the world."
"And.. is that the kind of life you want?" My stomach dropped.

It wasn't. I knew it wasn't. And I knew what he was trying to do. I wasn't stupid. But I didn't just have myself to think about. So many people relied on me. I couldn't just up and leave thousands of people without jobs, without anything. I knew what I was getting into when we started this whole thing. I guess I just thought I would also get an actual relationship along with it too.

But maybe I just couldn't have both.

"No." I finally said, beginning to lean in when I heard my phone start to vibrate on the end table. I didn't even have to look to know who it was. He sighed, forcing another smile as he carefully let me go, motioning over towards it.

I groaned, now climbing out of bed, grabbing my phone and quickly brought it into the main area of the bus, shutting the door behind me. I'm sure he could still hear, if he really wanted to, but the last thing I wanted to do was have whatever kind of conversation this was going to be in front of Jake.

"Hello?" I said sternly. He was quiet for a moment, as if shocked by my animosity.
"Where are you, Juliette?" Don asked, his voice equally as annoyed.
"I'm on my bus." I said simply. "You'd know that if you were here." He was quiet again.
"You know why I can't be there."
"Sure."
"We need to talk about this." He snapped.
"Talk about what?" I asked, knowing fully well what, but the more he thought I didn't care enough to remember, the better.

"The engagement."
"Right, don't want to piss off your parents now, do we." I sneered.
"This isn't just for them, you know. This is for you too. People are talking."
"About what?"
"About you and that guy." He said, trying to pass it off as nonchalantly as possible but I could sense just how much the idea of Jake got under his skin, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me like him that much more because of it.

"What are they saying?" I asked, now secretly curious.
"It doesn't matter. The point is, it needs to happen soon."

I went over, sitting down on the couch at the further end of the bus, wanting to be as far out of earshot as possible, despite knowing that Jake was probably trying his best to listen in anyway.

"How soon?" I asked.
"Really soon. Grammy nominations are only a few weeks away and we have to show up together engaged."
"And what if we don't? Who's to say we're even going to be nominated?"
"Trust me. We will be." He said, oh so surely.

I felt my heart start to beat faster. I had never been nominated before, always having been played off as some cheap pop-star, despite the fact that my numbers said anything but.

But how could he possibly know that?

"But how do you-"
"Don't worry about that." He snapped.
My heart sunk.
It was rigged.

"So then when are you coming out here?" I asked, not wanting to think about that anymore. "You can't just randomly show up with a proposal. People have to think we've been together. If it looks suspicious-"
"Don't worry, I can figure all of that out. I just need to know that when everything is all said and done, that you're gonna say yes, so we can move on to the next big thing, which is the wedding."

I looked back over towards the back room, hating the idea of him hearing this. And for a moment, a split second, I imagined what life could be like if I decided not to say yes. If the moment came and I saw the ring again, large enough to break my wrist, and I just couldn't do it.. because I knew there was a chance of there being someone else, who maybe couldn't offer me as much on my hand, but could give so much more of his heart.

"I guess we'll see." I finally said, hanging up before he could answer. I then tossed my phone back onto the couch, and made my way into the back room again, shutting and locking the door behind me.