Baby, I'm Gonna Leave You (SQ to Heaven's Door)

8: Overdose

Lucy's POV:

I woke up with a start in the middle of the night. Another bad dream of Slash haunted me. Why did I keep dreaming about him? I'd never even dreamt of Axl this much.

Kicking off the sheets, stretching a bit, and taking a sip of my water, I left the bedroom. Maybe it would calm my anxiety to go check on Slash. I went to the bed that we'd managed to carry him to, looking at him for a long moment before stroking his hair. When he didn't respond, I called his name. Even that didn't get so much as a shift.

Axl's words filled the back of my mind. "I think the same thing might happen to Slash." I touched his neck, feeling around for a pulse. It was slow, weak, fading. That's when I panicked. I ran back to find Duff, to find Axl, to call an ambulance. The more I spoke to people, the more hysterical I became, to the point where even I didn't know what I was saying anymore.

Paramedics wanted me away, but Axl knew I had to stay in the hospital. I would have to go and be there. He drove me, gripping the wheel tight while he followed the ambulance. Not a word was spoken between the two of us, the air filled with silence save for my choked sobs.

Finally, Axl spoke up. "He's gonna make it, I promise you." He turned the wheel into the driveway of the hospital. "I promise you."

&&&&&

I sat in the hospital room with Slash, watching him move a little bit. Finally, he spoke. "You're real fuckin' lucky. You've got Axl, and your love is beautiful."

"Slash-"

"Lucy, don't you ever tell anyone else this. I think I'm gay." My mouth fell open. "Towards Axl." I was shaking my head. Why was he telling me this? Why was he telling me now? Izzy burst into the room.

"What happened?"

"I overdosed," Slash said.

At the same time, I said, "He's gay!"

Izzy seemed to read the situation better than I could. "Lucy, don't give him any of that unholy bullshit." He walked over to take the guitarist's hand in his own. "It hurts, doesn't it? Watching them have each other?" He was talking to Slash now, his tone consoling. I didn't understand it. "Knowing that you just can't have that for yourself. It hurts, being lonely." Slash nodded.

I decided that they need a moment, so I left the room. Axl, who had been getting a bag of chips from a vending machine, approached me. "What's wrong?"

"What's it like to be alone?" I asked him. 

He frowned. "Why?"

"Slash and Izzy are in there, and they're talking about how not having love hurts." I pointed towards the door. "What's that like?"

"It depends on who you are." Axl shrugged, taking a few chips from his bag and handing them to me. "Let's take a walk. It's been a while since we've been alone."

"That's your fault," I reminded him.

"I know. Let me try to be better." I bit into a chip while we began to walk through the sterile, white hallways of the hospital. "Did I scare you?"

"When?"

"When I tried to hurt you?" The painful question that had been sitting between us but never formally addressed finally hung thickly in the air. Both of us already knew the answer, but the problem was too big to tackle. "Did I scare you?"

I took a shaky breath, choosing my words carefully when I answered. "I wasn't ready for it."

"Angel-face, listen." He swallowed. "I promise you, I'll never do anything like that ever again. I love you so much more than you know." 

I simply crunched on another chip. I didn't know if I could believe him, and that scared me. That scared me more than the thought of him hurting me again ever could. "Will you cheat on me again?" The second elephant in the room.

"She was a mistake, and I'm sorry."

"That doesn't solve everything. Apologies don't make up for the fact that I've been staying with Duff for almost four days because you couldn't control yourself."

"She threw herself at me."

"Then push her away. You could've done it. You've got enough imagination to come up with some reason why she should stay away from you." I shook my head. "I'm not going to forgive you for that."

"I understand."

"But I'm not going to leave you." I pointed my finger at him. "You get one more chance, okay?"

He nodded enthusiastically. "One more chance is all I need. I have until our next tour to prove to you that I can be the best boyfriend ever." He put his arm around me. "I will, I swear."

"You'd better." I wondered in that moment when we'd become so serious. Where did the time go? Where did the days where we were fun, and a little innocent, disappear off to? I could never be sure.