Baby, I'm Gonna Leave You (SQ to Heaven's Door)

10: Jealousy

Axl's POV:

I pulled Izzy into the hallway of the hospital. "Do you love Lucy?" It was forward. I didn't want to beat around the bush; I wanted answers.

He crossed his arms. "I'm jealous of you. How is it that you managed to find the one person who will never get mad at you?" He clicked his tongue. "You're not good enough for her, and you never will be."

"But do you love her?"

"I don't know. I don't think so."

I looked at the floor. "You'll find someone."

"I might have already. But, Axl, you don't need to worry. I won't get in the way." He turned back to the room. "I'll never be in your way. When she wakes up and finally sees you, I won't be the one to catch her. It better be you." He closed the door, leaving me to my own thoughts.

I knew Izzy was right. I would never live up to Lucy. She was way too good for me, but that didn't mean I didn't love her. It didn't mean that I couldn't love her. My only problem was the fact that I shouldn't love her. She was always out of my reach, grasping down desperately for me to pull her into my hell.

And I walked her there with me personally.

&&&&&&

Lucy needed a change of scenery for the evening, so I decided to take her out to dinner. "Somewhere fancy? Or somewhere quick?" The way she was clutching her stomach convinced me that the latter was most likely going to end up being her choice. I put my hand over hers. "Hey, Angel-face, look at me." She did, her eyes wide. "I'm scared for him too."

"I tried so hard," She choaked on the words. "I tried so hard to stop him. I tried so hard to tell him that this was going to happen. I tried so hard to save him, Ax. Why couldn't I have done it? Why couldn't I have fucking saved him?"

Listening to her swear broke me. I knew in that moment just how much sobriety meant to her, and I also made a vow to myself. I was done sneaking around and drinking when she wasn't paying attention. If she wanted to have her heart broken by the rest of the band when she finds out that none of them are interested in getting sober, that can happen. It won't be me that hurts her for that. "There's nothing that you could've done." I shook my head. "It could've been so much worse. At least he's still alive."

"Yeah," She sniffed. "At least he's still alive." She leaned in to kiss me quickly. "Just fast food, please. I'm not in the mood for something fancy."

I put the car in drive. "Okay, Angel-face. After that, we're going for a long walk. I think you need to get out and away from the world for a bit. Would you like that? Do you wanna get away from everything with me?" I kept my voice sweet and even, hoping to entice her. She nodded, wiping her eyes.

"Yes, very much. Thanks."

&&&&&&

Lucy and I were walking around in the darkness of the night. She yawned. Despite having not actually done anything, I knew that the day was taking a lot out of her. The stress and anxiety over Slash's state had to have been getting to her. I put my arm over her shoulder, holding her close to my body. "I love you," I told her. "You know that? You know how in love with you I am?"

"You have your own love language," She concluded. "But I know that I am your Angel-face." I felt her lean into me, which made me smile. "And I'm glad that you've let me care so much about Slash without getting jealous." The words stopped my smile.

"Who says I haven't gotten jealous?"

"Are you? Are you really?" I regretted saying it after that response. "Are you really that petty? You really think that I'd do that to you after everything that's happened?"

"No," I sighed. "I don't think that you'd do that." I squeezed her shoulder in a desperate attempt to hold my words true. "I'm not jealous that you care about Slash. I know you'd lose your mind if it was me in that bed."

"Axl, promise me something. Swear on your life, swear on my life, swear to God, swear to me that that'll never be you in that bed. Swear it to me, Axl. Swear it."

"I swear on my life, your life, to God, to you, that it'll never, ever be me in that bed. Never, Lucy. It'll never be me in that bed." 

I never meant something more in my life.