Baby, I'm Gonna Leave You (SQ to Heaven's Door)

9: Back to Black

It felt strange to be sleeping in my own bed for the first time in a few days. It felt even more strange to be sleeping with Axl again. Something about his warmth behind me, his arm draped over my side, the normality -- it felt strange to me. After everything that had happened, there was still a sense of normality in the air. The stability that was the love Axl and I shared. Now that I'd seen what it had done to Slash and Izzy, it felt cruel and strange to me.

I couldn't sleep thinking about everything. Thinking about Slash and his state. Thinking about Izzy and him hurting. Thinking about Duff and his drinking. Thinking about how I hadn't seen Steven for days. Axl had told me that I shouldn't have to worry about anyone in the band, but that was all that I wanted to worry about. The silence of the night made it painfully easy to worry about everything. I rolled over to face Axl, who shifted at my movement. He wasn't a light sleeper, years of the road had conditioned him.

"Axl?" I whispered. I pushed on him, trying to wake him. His eyes cracked open. He frowned when he saw I was looking at him. "Can you sing to me again?"

"Now?" He groaned. He rubbed some of the sleep out of his eyes. "You want me to sing now?"

"I can't sleep. Just one more song, please?"

Axl sighed, knowing that he's regret it more if he didn't give in to me. "Close your eyes, Angel-face. If you keep 'em closed, I'll sing to you." I did as he asked, shielding my eyes from the world with my lids. "Said, woman, take it slow. Things'll be just fine. All we need is just a little patience." I began to truly drift off this time. Finally, my mind was at peace for the night.

For a moment, I forgot that the week had even occurred.

&&&&&

I had eggs frying in a pan the following morning. The sizzle of them loud in my ears while I waited for Axl to smell breakfast. He came downstairs, a smirk on his face. "Angel-face, I told you you shouldn't cook."

I shrugged. He approached me, putting his arms around my waist. He rested his chin on my shoulder, swaying us lightly back and forth. "I like taking care of you."

"Why?"

"It feels nice to satisfy other people." I took the eggs off of the pan, placing them on two plates.

"God, you're so pure. How did I end up with someone as pure as you?" He moved away, leaning back on the counter. He bounced on his heels. "How'd I get so lucky?"

"To think that me falling down stairs is the reason why we met," I sighed in response. I began to walk the plates to the table, and Axl followed me. "Thank goodness those stairs were slippery."

"It's a good thing God is kinda an asshole."

I gasped. "Hey! He's the reason we're together!" I reminded him aggressively. "If not for Him, we never even would've met."

"Didn't He try to keep us apart?" Axl sat down as I put a plate in front of his chair. "I thought there was a lot of that."

I nodded slowly. "I suppose that's true." I sat down in front of my own plate. We each picked up a fork and began to eat the eggs.

"They're very good," Axl complemented. "Where'd you learn how to cook?"

"I had to. When your were away, I had to cook for myself."

"Angel-face, I told you there was plenty of money to spend on that." He waved a fork at me. "You shouldn't ever have to lift a finger."

I chuckled. "I didn't wanna eat out by myself." Axl finished his egg while I spoke. How quickly he devoured food sometimes did scare me. He picked his plate up.

"If you're doing the cooking, I can do the dishes." I smiled. He'd remembered, and he was trying to do better. It was reassuring to know that Axl was trying to keep me around because it made me feel very loved.

&&&&&

Since Slash was still in the hospital, Axl had taken me to go and see him. (In truth, I was also worried about Steven, but no one really knew where he was. Probably doing a line off of a stripper's tits or something.) I sat down in a chair in Slash's room. He was sitting up now, looking a little bit less pale.

"Last night was rough," Izzy explained. "But they gave him something for his withdrawals." He came over and kissed Slash's forehead. My mouth dropped open.

"What else did I miss?"

"We got talking for a while," Slash said. "It was a long night."

"Are you feeling any better?"

"A little." He shifted, and the discomfort on his face at the simple movement told the truth. Axl walked into the room.

"How are you?" He put his arm around me as he spoke to the bedridden guitarist. "When are they letting you out?"

"I'm alright," Slash lied. "They're talking about letting me go sometime tomorrow." He shrugged. "Maybe the day after."

Axl nodded, glancing at Izzy. "I've gotta talk to you." He nodded towards the door. "In private."

Izzy rolled his eyes, but followed Axl back out of the room. The second they were gone, I turned to Slash. "You and Izzy?"

"I know." He grinned. "I'm just as surprised as you. We got talking, and then we were kissing."

I disregarded what I'd been told was morally wrong for the time being. Honestly, why bother following the Bible at this point anyways? "Congratulations."

"Are you and Axl back on good terms?"

I nodded slowly. "He's really trying. I think we're getting back to where we were before."

"You're very forgiving. What makes you so sure he's gonna keep it up forever?"

I looked Slash in the eye as I spoke. "He has to. I don't have anywhere else to go but back to Heaven if he doesn't. And I really don't wanna go back there. I can't anymore."

He chuckled. "You're a good kid. Don't let anyone else fuck that up for you." I wasn't sure what he'd meant by that.