He Was There All Along || An Eremika Fanfiction ||

Chapter 3 - our younger selves

10 years ago,

The door to Eren's door was opened a crack, I looked at it and wondered if I should go in.

Earlier today was Mrs. Jaeger's funeral, she was murdered similarly to my own parents.

That day haunted me, it has been more than a year and I still had dreams about the men who had captured me.

But, Eren was there for me that day, and now I had to be here for him. Still, I couldn't bring myself to open the door. Eren and I haven't been getting along lately, and I think that he hates me.

Our councillor says that it is normal, but we have been avoiding each other except for at meal times and walking to school with Armin.

Mikasa, you're being selfish. He would do this for you.

I was about to push the door open, when I heard Eren let out a muffled cry from within. I shoved open the door and Eren was sitting by the lamp, his back to me. I walked over slowly, and my eyes widened with realization.

In one hand, he held a knife, one from the set in the kitchen. His other arm was laying on his lap, thick with blood pouring from the cuts.

Eren turned his head and looked at me, tears pouring from his turquoise eyes. He didn't say anything, but instead turned away and dug the blade into his own flesh again.

I winced at his cry of pain.

"Eren, stop", My voice cracked, "You can't do this." My eyes were brimming with tears.

"What do I have to live for?" He replied angrily.

"Eren, please. You have me, Armin, your dad"

"They'll get over it!", He was positioned himself to make another slice. My instincts kicked in, and I grabbed the blade out of his hand.

Being me, I grabbed the actual blade, not the handle. I ignored the pain and tossed it to the other side of the room, where it hit the wall with a crash.

"You don't understand!" I screamed, "My parents were killed, your mom is gone, you're the only family I have Eren!" I felt a hot tear slide down my face.

Eren was now on his feet, "You hate me! You don't care, leave." He yelled back. I took a step forward, but he raised his hand.

I tried to back up, but I was too late. He slapped me with all of his power.

We just stood there, both glaring at each other.

"Eren, your mom wouldn't want this. She wants you to be happy, to be yourself." His heavy breathing calmed, and his glare lessened.

I looked down at his arm, which was dripping with blood. We stood there for a while, neither of us moving, until Eren came at me.

He was going to hit me. I took a step back and squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the blow. But, it never came. Instead, a pair of arms wrapped me into a hug.

"Mikasa," He said, and I could feel his body tremble. He was crying, and so was I. Just two eleven year olds, both of us held down by more pain than anyone could experience.

I could feel his blood soaking into my shirt, as we held each other tight.

I pulled away first, "C'mon, let's get your arm wrapped up." We both headed towards the bathroom, and I sat Eren down on the edge of the tub. I rummaged through the medicine cabinet and found gauze, tape and peroxide.

"Put your arm over the tub," I directed, and Eren complied. I took the bottle of peroxide and poured it all over the open wounds.

He cringed, but did not yell. I knew that it must have burned like crazy. I grabbed a towel and dried his arm off, realizing that I had blood all over my palm. The cut from the knife went deeper than I expected.

I quickly poured some on my hand and dried it off before grabbing the gauze. I sat on the floor as Eren straightened out his arm. Now that the blood was gone, I could see the cuts clearly on his arms and wrists. Six deep cuts in total.

My hands shook as I started bandaging his arm, making sure not to tie it too loose, or too tight. I wish that Dr. Jaeger was here, but he was with his wife's parents, making sure that they were okay.

"I understand you now." Eren broke the silence.

I stopped bandaging and looked up at him, "Hm?"

"Why you're so quiet and distant. I thought that I understood your pain, but I didn't. Now I do", I bit my lip, looking down at his arm.

"I should be kinder", I answered, finishing the wrap on his arm and taping it.

I got up, but Eren grabbed my wrist, "You're bleeding, let my wrap it", I sighed and handed him the gauze, and he quickly wrapped my hand. I was about to withdraw it, when Eren held onto it.

"Thank you, Mikasa. I owe you my life",
I shrugged, "You saved me a year ago, we're even"

"Can I at least have another hug?" Oh god, he was already backing to that cocky smirk of his.

"No", I turned to leave.

"So cold, Mika, so cold." Eren shook his head, his eyes showing laughter.

"Mika? I give up with-" The house phone rang and Eren ran to get it. I couldn't help to notice that this was the first time that we did not end a conversation with an argument, a real argument that is.

I followed Eren to the living room, and watched him on the phone.

"Yeah, we're holding up dad. Goodnight, I'll talk to you later. Wait, I think me and Mikasa are getting along, she's really nice", Eren smiled at me.

After he hung up, he wished me a goodnight and headed to his room.

"Wait," I stopped him just as he was about to close the door. I grabbed a marker from the coffee table and opened the cap.

Holding his arm, at the very top of his wrist that was not hidden by the bandage, I wrote "Mikasa" and drew a small heart.

"Don't forget that you have someone who needs you here, okay?", I then turned and ran into my room before he could respond.

I went into my room and immediately went into my closet. Within a minute, I had found what I was looking for, the red scarf that Eren had given me the night he found me.

I held it in my hands that night, praying to any god that Eren would still be alive in the morning, and he was.

We never told anyone about that night. Not Armin, not Dr. Jaeger. It was between us, and that's what made it special.
~~~~~
"It's ridiculous, why would we have to present an art project that is not on paper or a canvas." I complained to Eren about my semester project that was due in three days. We were lying on our beds, him on his back with his arm on my bed and me on my stomach, doodling absent mindedly on his arm.

That was our thing, and now instead of me doing it in a desperate attempt to keep him alive, it instead helped me relieve my anxiety.

It has been a week since Jean got all pissy at me, and I still haven't heard from him. As much as I didn't want Eren to be right, he was probably right about Jean.

"You'll figure something out." Eren said, his eyes closed.

I stopped doodling, "You're not even listening, are you?"

"Maybe..."