I accidentally killed my husband and I liked it (completed)

Begin

Begin
1854

Penelope's POV

These events led to my breaking point. What led to something in me to snap. Maybe it was a way for me to cope. Maybe I'm just emotionally numb because of him. When it first happened, I was shocked and scared, but then I liked it. I actually liked it.

Let me start from the beginning, where it all began. What I have been through. Maybe then you'll understand what happened. Maybe, I'm not as bad as I seem.

***

Sam, my husband, abused me for years. Years I suffered from his abuse. He beat me for years. We were married at a young age. He's only a few years older than I am. Our marriage was an arranged marriage. His family benefited from the marriage more than my family. His family benefited from my family's title and wealth. My family benefited from the marriage, I was the fourth daughter to be married. If I waited any longer, I was going to be a "burden to my parents." As People would say. At the altar was the first time I saw my soon-to-be husband. The first time I had any physical contact with a man. It was also the first night he beat, raped, and abused me.

He didn't just beat, rape and abused me, he also cheated on me with multiple women. Probably even men too in secret. I couldn't even count how many people he has cheated on me with. The whole town knows his name. I can't walk down the street or be in the carriage without someone pointing and staring.

He hated me, there was no ounce of him that loved me at all. I cared for him. Every time I would try to get away from him. He would beg me to stay with him and he "loved me.".

I believed him at first. I stupidly bought he's lies and deceit. He was a beautiful liar. The words that came out of his mouth were believable. Like it wasn't his first time saying those words to someone. Now I wonder how many times he has said those words to someone. He would say things like, "I'm so sorry, Penelope. I can change." Then he would shed a single tear. Then he would beg on his knees, "Please Penelope. Please don't leave." He would beg and beg till I gave in.

Maybe if I just walked away, I wouldn't have snapped. I wouldn't have been pushed to my breaking point. I wouldn't have killed him or anyone else.

The one time I became pregnant with his child. I lost it because he beat me black and blue. He accused me of being a "adulterous whore". While he was the one that was cheating on me. I found all of his handwritten letters that his "woman" sent or he sent to his "woman" before they were sent off. Like he wanted me to see that I was nothing to him in his eyes. I wanted the baby, I cried myself to sleep for years after. I still cry when I think about it. Or when I see women with their children on the street.

Our friends didn't care. I should say, "his" friends. Because they were more his friends than mine. When they saw the bruises, or they saw him slap me in front of them. They didn't do anything. Nothing. They were too worried about their own lives and worried what he would say to them if they spoke up about it. One of his close friends asked him if he could "buy me for the night." As if I was a lady of the night or if I were working at the red-light district. I would never, I was brought up to be a proper lady. The look on my husband's face when he said that, he actually considered it. It took me years to even look at his friends again. I still didn't trust him or my husband after that.

I had to give up my friends I knew before I married him, he said, "They take away too much of your time, when you are supposed to be an obedient and loyal wife, and you are supposed to listen to your husband."

I tried to tell my parents about what he was doing, everything that he did or was doing. They didn't want to interfere with our "marriage problems." After that I never truly looked at them the same way. I never told them anything else.

His parents, his mother, smirked and said, "Penelope, you know you haven't given us a grandchild yet." She paused, "You deserved worse than that from him." I had a black eye from him. She has always hated me from the beginning. His father, at first, he said I was making it up. Then after I was covered with bruises and scars; I remember it clearly, he said, "Sam just had a bad night. You know he has a bit of a drinking problem."

Now, I know I can't trust anyone around me. No one believes me. Maybe if I had someone that believed me or someone I could talk to about everything, maybe I wouldn't have snapped.

Our marriage was an arranged marriage, what benefited him from our marriage was that he was given a title, land and my wealth. I was given an inheritance from my parents, but I have an inheritance from my grandparents that passed. The land itself, someone could rent out and be wealthy. If I lived in a different time, I would have been independently wealthy. I could keep my title, land, and wealth for myself, married or not.

My wealth is not my own, since women do not have the right to own their own title, land or wealth. So, my husband can spend all my money on his habits. Gambling, women of the night, and I have suspicions that he has debts in the West. Since, he frequently spends time in towns that have saloons. He loves a beautiful lady in a saloon, and while having a cigar and playing cards in his hands. I've been told, more than once.

I've spoken to our lawyer, Mr. Williams, about getting a divorce. Our lawyer is in my husband's pockets. I pulled him aside once and I asked him once, about a divorce in private. The next day, Sam beat me so bad I couldn't open my left eye for a week. I am still partially blind in my left eye because of it. I will never trust him again. No one knew of our conversation, only Mr. Williams and I were in that room.

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This is a short story! I will be posting another chapter soon.