Crush On My Bully BxB

Where I'm At Currently

*DON'T READ IF TRIGGERED*

   Hey guys. I just wanted to leave this here to show where I'm at currently. Not feeling the best. I'm at a different stage of mental health in life. Not happy with my body and I'm trying not to drown.

   I recently told my mom about my disorder which I then told my therapist with her. I don't really know how to talk to someone about this because I can barely talk to my own family- therapist even. I've reached out to friends, but scared to bother them with it. I don't think it's embarrassment. Just uncomfortable.

   When I'm at my lowest, I feel like I can talk to no one. I'm better, then I'm worse. I binge then I stop. It's difficult right now. I don't even know if people will care about a post like this.

   I had a few tumblr friends, but either they got terminated, or I got terminated. I know I'm not alone, but at the same time I feel alone. I want to be free of my mind and body. Especially my body.

   Being scared to leave the house because people will look at me has also been an issue. You'd think that would make it easier to write, huh? Not going out. Staying home all day with no interactions. No distractions. But I just want to sleep all day. I'm just so mentally tired.

   Like, I want to type. I want to put work out for my readers. I want to make people smile. But I can't even make myself do anything.

   I try to act happy when talking to people- to be the normal me. But why can't I? I'm just stuck in a rock and a hard place. This post honestly makes no sense. My mind is so jumbled that I can't put one thought into one place.

   I put this video there because it shows completely how I'm feeling. So if you want, you can go listen to it, but don't read if you get triggered easily. It's an intense subject.

      I hope you guys don't think differently of me and still continue to read. I'm really trying. Even if I take forever to upload, I'm still trying. Hope you guys stay safe and healthy. Sorry for this random little non-chapter. I just had to get my feelings out somehow. So if it takes a while for the next chapter to come out, this post is why.

See you guys in the next chapter. <3