FNF Senpai X Reader || Corrupted Code

Chapter 18: Stockholm

(Art by me. I know it's cringey for writers to do this, but, hey, it's senpai!)

Senpai kept his word.

It seemed he was much more adamant about being faithful when it came to things that he actually liked. That sorta hurt, but at least you could be alone the majority of the time, as lonely as that may seem in your eyes. The days flew by, one hour seeming longer and more agonising than the last. You had begun to miss Senpai's company. The way that he would smile gratefully at you, the corners of his eyes wrinkling with laughter whenever you'd say something moderately funny. To other people, it always seemed fake and filled with disdain.

But Senpai... He always meant everything that he did. He swore by it, and he kept that promise even to the day that you're currently in. You were always so harsh on him, always saying what was on your mind and acting like someone who held no compassion nor love for anyone other than yourself. In a way, you supposed it was true. You always felt like you put others before yourself, but maybe Senpai didn't seem to feel that way. To a certain degree, you couldn't blame him, but at the same time, you weren't able to put yourself in his shoes. No matter what he went through, how bad he felt, it really didn't warrant this sort of behaviour.

And yet, today was much like any other, it always was in your shared, lonesome house, surrounded by the past monuments of those you once held dear. Little trinkets that you loved to look at. You sat in your room, much like you always did when you felt lonely. The sky seemed almost, seemed gloomy today, but you weren't sure if it was just like yesterday at all. The days had begun to blend together so much so that all you remembered were your cold, brisk showers in the morning, and the scratchy feeling of your shirts rubbing against your raw skin. 

Sometimes, you found yourself staring out your bedroom window and reminiscing about the time that he found you trying to crawl out of it one day. He was angry, he always was when you tried those sorts of things, and you all but dug your nails into the hardwood of the frame as he grabbed your ankle and tugged you in angrily. At the time, you had lost your balance and your nail. Honestly, you had thought it only happened in horror movies, but the sound of your nail snapping off from your finger made you sick to your stomach; the pulsating sensation of pain that ripped through your hand sent you wailing. And Senpai, at the time, had nothing to say but frustrated growls. 

He didn't hurt you, but sometimes you wish that he did. Despite his promises and beguiling words, he never took your electronics away from you, maybe that was because he held a certain softness to them, what with him coming from a digital dating game and all... You tried to be optimistic, and argue that he loved to see you smile, but at this point, you weren't sure what he loved anymore. Was it you, or the control he had over you? It hurt your brain to think. 

Absentmindedly, you tore your gaze from the wall in front of you to stare at your adjacent computer by your bed. It was still on, you had only used it a few hours prior to this moment, but now you were beginning to yearn for some sort of dopamine rush. It was no lie that sometimes Senpai would attempt to give you exactly that; running his fingers down your body, his palms pressing against your hipbones with a lovestruck expression plastered on his pale face, but he never went any further because he knew that wasn't what you wanted. Was it? What did you want?

You wanted your normal life back, for one, as boring as it may have been.

Despite your rattling brain, you forced yourself to stand as you made your way to the hibernating computer. There were few things to do, few things that you could do, as Senpai always found out if you were doing something heinous or not. Honestly, sometimes you wondered why you don't just call the cops. Were you lonely, or just trying to push back all the bad things that he had done? They were immoral at best but you couldn't understand your constant fear and him never coming back. Everything felt hopeless. Life wasn't supposed to be this way.

Your shaking fingers reached the keyboard, your other hand setting itself on the mouse delicately. For old times' sake, maybe you could try to play 'Hating Simulator'. Would the game even run with Senpai gone? To a degree, you felt as if it would be like a Doki Doki Literature Club situation. Maybe a character would pop up and scream about how it "wasn't supposed to be like this!". Anything to get your mind off of your current situation. Playing the game will distract you from everything else, and maybe you won't have to worry about Senpai pestering you when he comes home. Hopefully, he stays out longer today. The game booted up with little to no issue, but Senpai was no longer running along the progress bar. It was to be expected, however, you still missed his goofy little run as he attempted to catch up to the ever-growing bar.

Though it was not too long ago, the title card and music still filled your heart to the brim with nostalgia, causing it to plummet down into your stomach painfully, hammering into your ribcage along the way. Was that how things felt when you missed the past that you desperately believed you wouldn't? Some things were better left forgotten, some things are not. The cold, brisk weather of the months of winter always finds itself being forgotten.

You still recall the mismatched photos hung askew against the walls, pinned together with broken needles and forgotten threads, seething emotions stirring behind their once lively appearance, yet the obsessive nature left the upkeep unable to be maintained. You missed those photos, although Senpai had long torn them down. At least he had allowed you to keep them in a box, though he monopolized everything else in your life, so what did it matter anyway?

Just as the game turned on, an error screen popped up. Which was strange — you weren't made aware that certain things within its files could be tampered with or removed. Maybe you would need to brush up on your knowledge of technology. Even saying so made you feel so old even though you weren't.

"ERROR CODE: .̷k̴a̸c̴b̸ ̶m̸i̶h̴ ̸t̴u̷p̴ ̷e̷s̶a̸e̶l̸P̴"

How intriguing. Something which that you did not expect... The error didn't even make sense, but the more you thought about it, the more things had begun to click inside your head and forge itself a walkway through the metaphorical forest in your brain, straight to clarity. To freedom. Was it really a good idea? The cons outweighed the pros, and there was no doubt in your mind that you would have ended highly regretting your choice if you made all but one, small slip up.

The game crashed after that moment. You stared directly at the screen for so long that you had begun to see static and the colours within the monitor. What does it mean? What do you do? Should you try to do it and leave, or stay behind and be the partner that he dreams of having? You almost felt like crying, your eyes had already begun to burn with the sensation that you always try to hide, the feeling of sweat on your neck and the warm cheeks you knew you could never hide. You would miss him.

"(Y/N), I'm home," Senpai's voice called out, but it was nothing more than a whisper to you. He was home, yet you could not care enough to come running into his arms like he would want you to. "Anybody home?" He sounded humourous, but Senpai always held a certain edge to his voice. He always had that sort of tone. He was afraid of you leaving.

The bedroom door creaked open, "there you are. I was worried, sweetheart." His warm hands set themselves on your knotted shoulders, his gangly fingers digging into the gaps between your shoulder and clavicle. "I missed you so much, you know? My day is just never complete without your smile and a gorgeous face to light my day." Senpai was upset. You didn't greet him.

You were going to miss him so much.