Tommyinnit Angst

food and school(24)

TW//ed//throwing up//withholding food//intrusive thoughts//sh//suicide mention//

violet's pov

i get to my room and just stare at the food

i used to do this when i was still living with my dad, i would go to the cupboards and just look at the food i wasn't allowed to have

my dad would get really mad when i did because he thought i was eating stuff and trying to hide from him

which i would do like once a month because he wouldn't let me eat at all and wil was really worried about me

i always told him he didnt need to be but he was completely correct, of course i didn't want him to be because i didnt deserve him as a friend or at all

violet the food

throw it out you cant any get fatter

im just gonna have a bite to see how it tastes and then ill throw it out

not good enough

ok i'll throw up the bite and throw out the food

fine. don't tell anyone like you did with the cutting

why would you tell dream, now he has to worry about your dumb self

honestly just kill yourself

no i cant do that, ill just cut again

but then they will find out and get pissed

they'll hit you just like dad did

he was the only one who was punishing you right

but he punished me for not eating, isnt that something i shouldn't but punished for?

no youre not supposed to eat, dont you want to be skinny for your fans?

girls are skinny

you're not a girl if you dont get skinny

youre right, youre right

of course im right, why wouldn't i be right

you're honestly kind of sounding like dad

then it clicked inside of my head

the voice

it only comes out when my dad isnt there and it says the same stuff my dad does

it is my dad

my mind made its own persona that makes me feel like shit because my dad isnt around

it honestly makes sense

no wonder why i hate myself

you're getting so off beat just hurry up and try the food so you can throw it up after

fine fine

i grab the now almost cold burger and take a bite of it

its honestly very good

don't eat anymore

you'll get more fat and everyone will hate you more than they already do

they dont hate me stop it

they're my friends

no theyre not

ok i know i said i would throw it up but im so close to eating it all and then getting sapnap or someone to distract me from throwing up

you'd be a burden to them, even more than you already are