Wii Like Waffles | A Wii Deleted You Parody [INDEFINITE HIATUS]

The Only Realistic Character

Like basically 99% of all tomboys, I hate school. I can never pay attention in class, and of course I get bullied for being 'weird'. Honestly, the fact that bullying is normalized nowadays really makes you question the justice system at schools.

There was this one guy in particular named Will, who seemed to harass me the most. He's a huge jerk with a generically mean personality, so I'm not the only one he picks on.

He and his group of probably fake friends like to call me 'Samboy", as a combination of 'Sam' and 'tomboy'. It's pretty much the laziest mean nickname ever, but what else can you expect from a one-dimensional bully stereotype?

I was sitting in the homeroom, trying not to think about how unrealistic everyone was. I mean, seriously, they should rename our school to Stereotypical High. There's only one somewhat interesting person in my class: my friend Xander. But he's the author's OC, so he doesn't really count.

Our teacher, Mr. Irrelevant, was a seemingly laid-back and nice teacher, but we all knew that it was just an act. He was seriously underpaid, which sucked for him since he needed money to keep going to therapy.

He asked us how our weekend went. Everyone had pretty average answers, like going fishing, shopping, summoning the demon lord, or playing videos games like me.

"Sam!" He eventually called on me. "What did you do during your weekend?" He asked with a bright fake smile.

"Uh..." A normal person would've made something up, but for some damn reason I instead told the truth. "I talked to a Mii on my Nintendo Wii yesterday." I inwardly slapped myself. My friend Xander looked at me incredulously from across the classroom.

Everyone started laughing cruelly at me as I fought back the embarrassment. Mr. Irrelevant managed to quiet everyone down, looking tired and slightly confused.

"All right, that's enough." He said loudly. "Let's carry on with today's lesson." He suddenly began staring at the wall with a depressed look on his face. "This... This is my life now." He said much more quietly.

I barely paid attention as usual, and was relieved when next period started and I could leave for a bit. I was walking to my next class with Xander when Will and his dumb friends, Generic Name 1 and Generic Name 2 stopped us.

"Hey Samboy!" Will yelled while his friends snickered. "I am totally going to make fun of you right now! You wanna know why? Cause you're a FREAK! And... and... a weirdo! And... uh... Generic Name 1, can you check my insult list please?"

As Generic Name 1 was flipping through Will's journal of insults, Xander came to my defense. "Why are you making fun of her all the time?" He asked in his usual deep, sarcastic voice. "Is it because you're jealous that you don't have any real friends of your own?"

Will looked offended. "I do have real friends, loser." He hissed at us, which isn't physically possible for humans but this is a fanfiction so it doesn't matter. "Get out of here before I punch the crap out of you and your little friend."

I bristled, about to say something mean back to him, but Xander beat me to it. "That's assault and you can get suspended for that, stupid."

"I'm soooo scared." Will said sarcastically, not-so-subtly glancing at his insult list. I clenched my fist. He wasn't allowed to be sarcastic! That's Xander's joke!

"Do you honestly have nothing better to do than act like a stereotypical high school bully? Why dont you just shut up and leave us alone? It's not like you'll be of any importance to the plot anyway." Xander glared at Will, who only sneered like all bullies when they don't know what else to do.

"Why don't you run off and play with your little Mii friend, you..." He glanced at his insult list again. "You... uh, shitwagon?"

Xander rolled his eyes and pulled me away, muttering something about complaints and the school's justice system.

The next class went by like usual. Nothing really happened until ten minutes before lunch. These three bully girls were whispering in front of me instead of doing actual work, like always. Just like almost all mean high school girls, they loved to gossip. This time, they were gossiping about me.

"O-M-G, Samantha is so weird!" Elly whispered loudly, apparently oblivious to the fact that I was sitting right behind them. Or maybe just didn't care. "I heard she thinks that NPCs have souls or something!"

"That's so freaky." Jane whispered.

"Yeah." Faith agreed, which is probably the only line of dialogue she'll ever get in this book.

I tried not to be upset by this. They were just background characters to establish the fact that I get bullied at school. And it's not like I wasn't already used to getting bullied at this point.

I did my best to focus on my history essay, but our teacher had just left the classroom for a bit, and now everyone was whispering. Mostly about me, of course, because I was the 'weirdo' of every class.

"I hear she's crazy!"

"She said that she talks to Miis on her Nintendo Wii!"

"Why is she so weird?"

"I hope I get a subplot..."

"Yikes, did Sam just look at me?"

"She's such a freak."

"Why are all of our personalities so shallow?"

"I wonder what I'll have for lunch today."

"I heard a rumor that she killed someone!"

I was about to lose it when our teacher came back and the whispering quickly stopped. For the first time ever, I was grateful that our history teacher had a reputation of being harsh towards his students.

At last, class let out and we headed to lunch. Xander and I were walking, careful not to bump into Will again, when a loud shriek pierced the air, making both of us jump.

Everyone froze in shocked silence for a moment, before someone came scuttling into the hallway with a horrified expression.

"MURDER!" She screeched. "THERE'S BEEN A MURDER!"