Wii Like Waffles | A Wii Deleted You Parody [INDEFINITE HIATUS]

Back To Eteled

It was already getting kinda late, because the author doesn't care about consistent timing and pacing. I invited Xander to come over, because I wanted to introduce him to Eteled. I had an odd feeling that they'd get along, if Xander gets over the whole 'Eteled-is-a-sentient-Mii' thing. Which might take a while, considering that he's the only character in this story with a realistic personality.

As we chatted on our way back from school, I noticed that Will wasn't too far behind us. I wasn't super worried since he never did anything without his two goons with him.

I let Xander into my room and he seemed surprised that I had a Wii. Then he asked if we could play on it. Another reason why I like Xander so much is because he plays video games, like me. Which is probably the most cliché interest there is, but hey, at least it got me a friend who's just as self-aware as I am.

I took a deep breath, and turned on the Wii. I hesitated for a second, mentally asking myself if this was really the right decision. Eh, it'll probably drive the plot forward faster. I reasoned before going to the Mii Channel.

Eteled was standing there, looking cautious. Which, again, shouldn't be possible but somehow was.

"Woah, you've got a weird style with Miis." Xander said, sitting on my bed and smiling his sarcastic smile. "I won't judge, though. What's his name?"

"My name is Eteled."

I grimaced as Xander nearly toppled off my bed in shock. Probably should've thought to warn him before actually introducing him to a Mii who could apparently talk and think for himself. Yet another fatal flaw in my personality. Why am I so short-sighted? Am I more like the canon version of myself than I thought?

Before I could wonder more about the mental well-being of whoever created me, Xander had stood up with a shocked expression. "Did it just talk?!" He yelped, stepping backwards.

"Calm down, he won't hurt you or anything. Right?" I added, turning towards Eteled, who somehow managed to look wary, amused and irritated at the same time. How his face works is truly an enigma.

"I'm not an 'it'." Eteled said defensively. "And Sam's right, I won't hurt you... unless you delete me."

Xander threw his hands up in exasperation. "Why am I the only one with a realistic reaction to this?! I bet you accepted the fact that he can talk right away without question, didn't you, Sam?" He accused.

Before I could answer, there was a noise from outside the conveniently sized window next to my bed. We all turned towards it. I saw a flash of black hair for a split second before it ducked out of view. Eteled suddenly looked frightened.

"Uh, Sam." Xander said slowly. "You do lock your window like I always tell you to, right?"

"..."

"..........you forgetful piece of shi-"

He didn't have a chance to finish his sentence, because Will suddenly climbed through my window with an evil grin on his face. "Hey, Samboy! And... whatever your name is."

I was about to do my 'staying-freakishly-calm-in-a-terrifying-situation' thing when Xander picked up a convenient chair and hurled it at Will as hard as he could. Why is he always reacting before I do? And more sensibly? This book should really switch POVs.

"OW- what was that for?!" Will groaned from the floor, clutching his head. His eyes widened when Xander picked up the chair and lifted it over his head. "H-Hey, wait, STOP-"

"THIS IS FOR BULLYING MY FRIEND!" Xander yelled, so angry that he forgot to be sarcastic.

WHAM! He slammed the chair down onto Will's body. I winced as I heard a faint cracking noise.

"THIS IS FOR FORGETTING MY NAME DESPITE KNOWING ME FOR TWO YEARS!"

WHAM!

"THIS IS FOR FOLLOWING US AND BREAKING INTO SAM'S ROOM!"

WHAM!

"AND THIS!" Xander cried. "IS FOR BEING THE MOST GENERIC, ONE-DIMENSIONAL STEREOTYPICAL BULLY IN THE HISTORY OF PLANET EARTH!"

WHAM!

"U-Uhm." I stuttered, staring at my friend in shock. Then again, he'd dealt with so much shit that I was honestly surprised he didn't snap earlier. "M-Maybe we can talk this o-out?"

"NO!" Xander screamed with a dazed but furious expression. "LET ME MURDER HIM FOR ALL THE SHIT HE'S DONE!"

WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!

I had to physically hold him back before he broke Will's head open. After finally calming Xander down, I made sure that Will was still alive. I sighed with relief after realizing that my best friend wouldn't be charged with murder.

I looked back at Eteled, who had witnessed the whole thing in shock. If anything good came out of this, it's that at least he hadn't been deleted.

"So." I said awkwardly. "Um. This is my best friend, Xander." I gestured towards said boy, who was nudging an unconscious Will with his foot. "I... was kinda hoping you two would get along?"

".......I don't know if I want to be friends with that."

"The feeling's mutual, egghead."