That Pretty Fake Smile

|8|-Sleepover

Zayn's POV
When I looked down at his sleeping face, I couldn't take my eyes off him. He looked so calm and peaceful. He thought I was sleeping. I was just acting so I can keep holding him. But I can't stay here any longer. It's getting really cold and I don't want him to get sick. I get up with him in my arms and walk to the guest room. He is kinda heavy but I carried him easily. I lay him down on bed and pull the blanket over him. Then I returned to my own room. I closed the door and lay down on my bed. I turn over my side and stare at nothing in particular.

I wish he would trust me enough to tell me who hurt him. Who is he scared of? I didn't ask him because I know it's not easy to talk about our fears. I didn't want to pressure him. Maybe he is just not ready to talk about it. So I didn't ask. I want to protect him but I don't know who is causing danger. I am so useless. I can't even protect the person I love. He was looking so scared. I want to make him happy. I want to make him feel carefree without a single fear or tension of the world. I want to tell him that he does't have to take care of everything by himself and I am here for him.

He will leave tomorrow. Will he be safe? What if the person he was scared of show up again? I wouldn't be there to protect him. Don't get me wrong, I know he is strong and can protect himself. But when our fears come in front of us, everyone get panic and scared. And it's okay to be scared. It's okay to rely on someone else. I wish I could do something for him but he won't tell me anything. It's so frustrating.

I keep turning and tossing all night. Even when the morning came and I was wide awake. I sighed as I got up from my bed. I walked over to my closet. I take out a black shirt and black pants. I went in the bathroom and took a quick shower before heading to the kitchen to make breakfast for him.

I heard footsteps behind me by the time I was done. I served the food on the plate and turned around to face him.

"Umm.. Hi" he said awkwardly

"What's with the awkwardness in this early morning? Just relax and sit down. The breakfast is ready" I said and smiled at him

He nodded and sat down. I put the plate in front of him and sit down opposite of him. I put my arms on the table and lay my head on top of them as I stare at him. He is beautiful. I want to look at this face for the rest of my life.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked with his mouth stuffed with food

"You are beautiful" I said, smiling at him. He started blushing. He blushes everytime I compliment him. He is adorable.

"Yeah, I can't disagree. Girls die for just one glance of me" he said and I nodded

"Boys also" I said

"Yeah, what can I say now. My beauty is no joke" he said with smirk as he ran his hand through his hair

"Yeah" I chuckled

"Hey, why aren't you eating breakfast?" he asked

"I am not hungry" I lied

My body is not good. I know I am ugly so I am on a diet. I can't eat. Daniel always tries to make me eat and convince me that it's not true but I don't believe him. Sometimes I think he says those words just because he pity me. He knows about my past. So I don't believe him on that. Even Lukas told me how ugly I am. It's true. I believe him because I have seen myself in the mirror. I... have abs but Lukas still say I am ugly. He says I need to do more exercise. I think he is right. Why would he lie? My biceps are also small. And I am too tall. My jawline is really sharp. Lukas said it doesn't suit me. So I am trying to get better.

"But you should eat. Here" he said, as he held up the fork in front of my lips "Open you mouth" he said

Maybe I can break this rule just for today, for him. It's okay Zayn. One bite won't be warm. It's okay. You can. I just hope I wouldn't puke out. I hesitantly open my mouth and before I can eat, he pull away the fork and start laughing as he stuff the piece of egg in his mouth.

"It was payback! You always tease me. Haha haha I finally took my revenge. I don't give a fuck if you eat or not" he said, laughing

Ouch

I also chuckled and shook my head. I am so stupid. I really thought he cared but.... he was just teasing me. My fault for expecting.

"So, what's your plan for today?" I asked, changing topic

"It's Monday. I am going to the office dummy" he said

"ohh" I said, not knowing what else to reply

I want to spend the rest of my day with him but I can't stop him. I don't have the right to. Will he be okay?

"Cyrus, just know I am here. Just send me a text and I will be there" I said, looking straight in his eyes

He suddenly slammed the spoon down on the table, making me flinch and sit up straight.

"It's really bothering me. Why are you not asking me any questions?" he asked, looking annoyed

"I don't want to pressure you or make you feel uncomfortable. I know it's hard" I said

Did I do something wrong?

"Oh God! You are so annoying" he said, glaring at me

"I am sorry" I said

What happened to him suddenly? We were talking casually just a second ago, why is he suddenly angry? Maybe he didn't like something I said. Its my fault. I angered him.

"Why are you apologizing?" he snapped

"Umm... You are angry. I must have said something wrong" I said

He didn't say anything for a minute, just keep glaring at me. I felt so uncomfortable under his graze. It was like he was trying to read me. Then his eyes softened a little.

"Why are you like this?" he asked, frowning at me

"like what?" I asked

"why aren't you being rude to me? I am always an asshole to you. Why are you always nothing but kind to me?" he asked, he looks so frustrated

"Because I don't hate you" I said

"I know that but... Didn't your parents ever warn you about me?" he asked

"They did. It's crazy Cyrus. It's not 16th century where families hatred pass down to generations. Where if a person did something wrong to you, then all his next generations are your enemy. What will we get hating each other?" I said

They warned me. They told me I should hate you but I can't. How can I hate the person I love most?

"but how can I believe you? How can I believe that you are not like your father and grandfather?" he asked

That line just pierced my heart and made me clench my fist in anger. I am not like them, especially Thomas. My so called grandfather. He is a monster.There is nothing I hate more than him.

"Aren't the last 2 years enough for that?" I asked softly, a frown made its way on my forehead.

"No" he replied

"then I don't know. I don't like proving myself" I said softly

It's nothing new. He never trusts me. I thought I would get used to it but guess I can never. It hurts when someone you love, trust and cares about, does't trust you back. He judge me because of my last name and I don't think that will ever change.

"I should get going now" he said, getting up

"I am sorry" I said

I don't know if I should have or not but I apologized just in case my any word hurt him.

"Stop apologizing" he said and I nodded

"Are you leaving?" I asked

"Yeah" he said

I think he is cool now. He is not angry at me anymore. I also get up and accompany him to door

"Bye" I said, barely above a whisper

"See you later" he said and left, closing the door behind him

See you later?

He wants to see me again?!?!

***