That Pretty Fake Smile

|12|-He is trying

Zayn's POV
I jolted up and sit straight on my bed, hardly breathing and sweating a lot. Another nightmare. I put my head in my hands and tried to breathe. It's okay. I am fine. I am fine. I kept telling myself that I am okay. I took a few deep breaths and hummed a song.
After I calmed down, I checked the time on my phone. 7 am. What am I supposed to do now?
I want to take a shower but I don't have clothes. Wait- I can borrow Cyrus's clothes. I got up and headed toward bathroom. The moment I step inside, I feel chills in my bones. I feel like like puking out. My hands started shaking, I started sweating and feeling a little dizzy. I gagged and ran back inside. I put my palm on the wall to support to keep myself on my legs.

It's okay. It's genuinely okay. I am fine. I am fucking fine. Ugh. Zack's image keeps flashing in front of me and I try to suppress my gag. I rubbed my chest. It's okay. A song. Think of a random song. I start humming a song and try to breathe. I don't remember the song but this music is always in my head. I am fine. I am fine.

How can I forget?! Of course he has bathtubs installed in all bathrooms! Forget the shower now. I will skip it today. I walk up to bed and pick up my phone. 8 am. I am just going to wake Cyrus up and irritate him before I start thinking and go in self pity.

I left my room and head over to his. I entered the room without knocking. I was expecting him to be sleeping but he was already awake. He was standing in front the mirror, already dressed up for the office. He looks hot in suits. I looked up at his face. Shit! He caught me checking him out. He cleared his throat. His cheeks are still pink.

"Good morning" he said

"Good morning" I said

"breakfast is ready. Let's go" he said

"You are weird again" I said

Why is he being nice? He didn't yell at me for coming inside without knocking. He is even offering breakfast.

"Huh?" he tilted his head a little, in confusion. He always does this in confusion

He is cute!!!!!

"You are being nice" I chuckle

I expected him to snap or yell at me but he suddenly looked upset. Did I say anything wrong? Did I upset him?

"Hey, I am sorry. Did I say something wrong? Did my words offend you? I am sorry" I said, I panicked a little. I go and stand in front of him.

"No, don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong" he said, looking everywhere but in my eyes

I gently grabbed his chin and made him look up, in my eyes. He looks... Guilty? Or sad?

"What's wrong?" I asked calmly

"Don't ever say that again" he mumbles

"What?" I asked

"That I am being weird when I am nice to you. I am trying. Okay?" he said

"Okay. I am sorry" I apologized

"Let's go downstairs" he said, pushing my hand away

I nodded. He head downstairs and I followed him behind. False hopes. I am not gonna have any false hope. It's just a few minutes or hours thing, then he will again start treating me the way he always does. I believed when he said he is trying but I know he wouldn't be able to. He hated me for years, he can't just stop in one night. But it made me feel happy that he is trying to trust me. Maybe things will be better from now on. I also have to ask him whom he was scared of that day. I can't take risk of him getting hurt. I want to protect him.

Breakfast was already served when we reached the dining hall. His house is really big, I think I will get lost if I roam around without a guide. We sit down opposite of each other. Normally I don't eat breakfast but I am hungry. I didn't eat anything yesterday.

We were silently eating when suddenly realization hit me.

"You are gay" I blurt out

He choked on his food and started coughing violently. The maid standing at a distance looked at me like I was crazy. I ignored her and quickly gave him water. He drank the water and when he calmed down, he glared at me.

"I am sorry" I said

"No, I am not gay" he said, gritting his teeth

I glanced at the maid and leaned forward towards Cyrus. I whispered quietly

"But last night..." I trailed off

I couldn't complete the sentence. My chest hurts whenever I think about someone else touching him.

"That.... Actually... I-i.. I am bisexual" he mumbles under his breath but I heard him

"Ohh" my mouth formed 'O' shape

Bi...

"Now focus on your breakfast" he said, stuffing his mouth with egg

We didn't talk after that. We just ate our breakfast in a comfortable silence. I didn't eat much but at least I had something. Daniel will be proud. I smiled at that thought. He knows I am trying so he will appreciate it.

"I should go now. I have to go to the office" I said, getting up from my chair

"I will drop you off" he said, getting up as well

"My car is parked outside" I said

"Ohh" he said, nodding

"Come on, I will drop you off first" I offered

"Okay, let's go" he said, picking up his wallet and phone

He agreed?!?!?!

I nodded and we made our way outside. I walk a little faster and open the car door for him. He blushed and glared at me before sitting inside. He looks cute when he tries to act angry. After we buckled your seatbelt, I start driving. We made small talks through drive and I continuously teased him. He blushes everytime. Drive come to an end when I parked outside his company.

"Don't miss me too much" I winked as he got off the car

"I don't have time to miss you bastard" he yelled, blushed and walked away

"See you later" I yelled

"Never" he yelled back

I chuckled. I will never get enough of him. This one sided love is painful, but at the same time so beautiful. Even if you will never love me back, I don't want to stop loving you.

***