Surviving the truth

2| the divorce papers

I stayed home from work today. I wasn't feeling well between the morning sickness and knowing I confessed my pregnancy to Derek all while his wife or ex-wife here working at the hospital. Apparently she's staying. I heard the chief offered her a job. I guess it doesn't mean she accepted it, but why wouldn't she? Seattle is one of the top trauma hospitals, and number one in Washington. Plus her husband is here or ex-husband or whatever the hell Derek is to her.

Izzie and George tried to get me out of my room in the morning, but I wouldn't budge. I even threw up which was perfect to prove to them I was sick since Derek is the only other person in this world who knows I'm pregnant. When I heard the front door open and closed, and the car leave the driveway, I left my room to get some breakfast. I made myself some toast since toast will be easy on my stomach. I went into the living room and wrapped a blanket around myself. I turned the TV on, and on the news was a fiery ferry accident. At that moment, I regretted not going into the hospital because I knew I'd be missing some good cases.

When I didn't show up at the hospital, Derek called me and continued to call me. I didn't answer any of his calls because I didn't want to speak to him. I'm not ready to. I'm still upset he didn't tell me about his wife. If he had told me from day one, or day two since we got drunk on day one, he is separated, it would have been an entirely different story. I wouldn't be upset with him because I would have known about the cheating wife.

I wonder if he's considering staying with her. It's not like he had already filed for divorce, right? He just left, and ended up in Seattle. There'd have to be something seriously wrong with him if he does stay with her. Once a cheater is always a cheater is what my mother has always told me.

I fell asleep on the couch, but was woken up by the doorbell hours later. I kept my red blanket wrapped around myself as I opened the door. I should have looked through the peephole at who it was because now Derek was standing in front of me. What time is it anyways?

"What are you-"

"Can I come in?" He asked. "I think we need to talk; like seriously talk."

"I don't want to talk about this, Derek, because everything is just complicated now. You're married. I'm pregnant with a married man's baby."

"I'm not staying with Addison Meredith. I'm divorcing her."

That quickly caught my attention. "You are?"

"Yes." He murmured. "We'll get the papers in the mail soon, we'll sign, and then it'll be just you and me and our baby."

"Who says I want to be with you now?" I asked.

"Because I know you love me and I love you and we're having a baby."

"Are you going to tell her?" I asked. "Tell Addison?"

"She's not staying, Meredith. As soon as we sign the papers, she's leaving; meaning she doesn't need to know."

Derek tried to lean in to kiss me, but I took a step back instead. "Not until it's official."

Addison was actually the one who served Derek with the papers a week later. She told him she'll only sign if he signed. Derek told me he got the papers and were going to sign, but when night came, and he took me out to dinner, the papers dropped out of his satchel, and I noticed he didn't sign. I dropped the papers on the table and told him to take me home.

On the car ride, he was trying to explain himself, but I quickly kept shutting him up because I didn't want to know what he had to say. He told me there would be no hesitation about signing the papers. When he pulled up to my house, I got out and slammed his door shut in anger. He got out of the driver's side and followed me.

"I told you, I don't want to have this conversation." I said.

"Meredith."

"You didn't sign the divorce papers. Fine I get it; end of discussion." I opened my front door, and Derek followed me inside.

"Meredith."

"What!"

"Oh... I usually say Meredith, and you start yelling at me. I haven't thought past that point. I actually didn't have anything planned."

I started to hit him out my door with my purse. "Get out!"

I went into the hospital the following morning, and Dr. Bailey told me I was with Derek today. I groaned at the thought and went on my way to find him since I couldn't get out of it with Dr. Bailey. Turns out he only wanted me on my service so I would be forced to talk to him.

"This is really hard for me, Meredith."

"Do you think this is easy for me too?" I asked. "I'm the one pregnant, and you're having seconds thoughts about signing the papers! But you know what? Let me make this easier for you. I'm not going to be that woman who breaks up a marriage or begs for you to want me. You can sign the papers or you can not. The choice is yours. And either way when it comes to this relationship, I'm out, because I'm really tired of this back and forth thing you have going on."

"Look, I was married for eleven years; that's elevens Thanksgivings, eleven birthdays, eleven Christmases, and one day I'm supposed to sign on a piece of paper and end my family? A person doesn't do that, not without a little hesitation. I'm entitled to a little uncertainty here; just a moment to understand the magnitude of what it means to cut someone out of my life. Addison is my family. I'm entitled of one moment of painful doubt, and a little understanding from you would be nice."

"And a little support coming from your end would be nice too!" I started to walk away but then stopped and turned to face him. "Maybe I should just abort this baby. Would sure make our lives a whole hell lot easier."