Surviving the truth

8| handyman

It was two days later as I waited for Dr. Bailey to give me and the rest of us interns our assignments for the day when I spotted them.

My black panties; they were hanging up on the bulletin board.

I'm going to kill Derek.

I tried to ignore them, and only hoped Dr. Bailey wouldn't notice them, though I doubt she'd think they belong to the single pregnant lady.

"Grey and Yang, pit. Stevens, you're with me. And Karev, you're with Burke."

"I'm not with the vagina squad again?" Alex asked.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is out sick today." Dr. Bailey said.

"Yes!"

Bailey didn't notice them thank god, but I need to get them without anyone seeing me take them. I wonder if Cristina would be the best friend ever and steal them for me. Probably not, though everyone already thinks she's a slut ever since everyone found out she'v been sleeping with Dr. Burke.

I saw Derek down in the pit evaluating a patient. Just seeing him made me want to kill him for the panties incident. I still can't believe I slept with Derek Shepherd when I told myself not to. But I have to admit that sex was amazing. I think I can thank these pregnancy hormones for that. I've heard sex is amazing while pregnant, and now I have to agree it's true.

God, what's wrong with me? I knowingly slept with a married man.

Okay, Meredith, stay away from Derek Shepherd.

"Oh, so I think I finally decided on a name." I smiled. "What do you guys think of Emma Mae?"

"Is it a coincidence it's both your mom and yours initials?" Cristina asked.

"Didn't even realize it until you mentioned it." I frowned. "Do you think it'd be weird?"

"Absolutely not!" Izzie exclaimed. "I love that name, and I can't believe you came up with it."

"I think it's weirder her middle name is Mae and will be born in May." Alex said.

"Oh my god. I didn't even think of that." I squirmed uncomfortably in my chair. "God, she won't stop moving."

"Probably trying to tell you, 'Mommy, I hate that name'." Alex laughed.

Izzie glared at him. "I bet she's saying, 'Mommy, I love that name'."

"Please just stop, the both of you." I groaned when I saw that I was paged by Derek. "I have to go."

I'm not even on his service or even working on a patient with him. Why the hell did he page me? I waddled to the staircase he paged me to. I bet it's something about his wife. Maybe he changed his mind again, and not divorcing her.

"What?"

"Addison knows." He said. I was confused. "Addison knows we slept together. She found your underwear in my coat."

I wasn't sure what to say. "Not my problem."

"Meredith, she knows." He repeated.

"And why do you even care? You're still divorcing her, right? Or did you change your mind again? If that's the case, you can keep me and my daughter out of your life for good because I can't live with this back and forth thing you are doing. One moment you're getting a divorce, and the next you're not. I can't live like this."

"I'm divorcing Addison."

"How sure are you of that?"

"I'm divorcing her." Derek said once more.

"Then why the hell do you care if she knows we had sex?" I asked.

"It's the principle. I didn't want her to find out like this that it's over."

"Just keep me out of your divorce. Better yet, come find me when it's finalized, and then we'll talk. In the mean time, just keep it work professional with me. I don't want to discuss your divorce, a possible us, and most definitely not this baby. I want our only conversations to be about our patients, that's it."

"Meredith-"

"Derek, I'm tired of all this. I just want to go back to having a normal life before I met you. I wish I'm able to enjoy this pregnancy a lot more than I am, but I'm not because of you and your old life in New York. I just want this all to be over."

I walked away just as Derek called, "Meredith, I'm sorry for everything."

New Years had come and gone. I spent it with my roommates, and I did talk to my mom for a bit over the phone. I don't know why, but I feel like my mother and I are developing a better relationship because I'm pregnant. Should I be thanking Derek for impregnating me now?

I sat on my bedroom floor with all the pieces to the crib scattered all around me. Even with instructions it seemed impossible to build. I sighed in frustration an hour in.

I really do need a handyman.