Lexi's Had Enough

Chapter 26

Lexi decided to spend the first Wednesday of February reviewing a lot of what she had written for her book the past couple of months. She had spent less time on her book during winter break than she would have liked. She also didn't write a ton last month due to adjusting to the new semester, helping Nikita deal with her feelings for Felipe, hanging out with Isaac, and dealing with the Mariana situation. But Lexi wanted to get more writing done now that everything else in her life seemed to have calmed down. So, she decided to read what she had written to make some necessary edits before writing more new chapters.

Lexi had gone into this knowing that what she had written probably wasn't going to be amazing, but still workable. However, that soon proved to not be the case as she continued reading her work. Some parts were sloppily written and weren't as good as she had remembered. Other parts read more like fluff than anything with actual substance. The whole book just read like a complete trainwreck in her eyes.

This is such a fucking disaster, she thought. Fuck, this book is so much worse than I thought.

As these thoughts began to creep into Lexi's head, she stopped editing altogether to read more of her writing. But the more she did exactly that, the more she realized just how much she had to edit. She had expected some editing to be needed, but not as much as what she saw. She tried to keep it together, but short, panicked breathes began to escape her. Her heart began to race despite her best efforts to calm down. If she was ever close to the point of hyperventilating, it would be now.

I'm so shit, I'm so shit, I'm so shit, she repeated to herself silently.

Realizing that she was only upsetting herself, Lexi saved her work and closed her laptop. She remained seated in her desk chair while tears began to slowly trickle down her cheeks. She began to sob and breathe heavily without any care as to how loud she was. Fortunately, Nikita was in class now and wouldn't be back for a few hours. So, the only people Lexi had to worry about overhearing her breakdown would be her apartment neighbours. But even if they did hear her, she really didn't care. Her sobs were the only thing she could focus on listening to.

She saw her phone light up, only to notice that Isaac was calling her. Lexi didn't bother answering it; she didn't want to worry him over such a trivial matter. Besides, it's not like he would have been able to fix this problem. She let his call go to voicemail while continuing to sob at her desk.

He doesn't get the struggles of being a writer at all, she thought. And I don't want to talk to him while I'm crying too. He'll just worry over me needlessly. I really don't need that right now.

It took several minutes, but Lexi managed to steady her breathing and stop crying for good. She went to the bathroom to splash some ice-cold water on her face to lessen the swelling around her eyes. She noticed her face was now red due to her sobbing, causing her to shake her head in dismay. She splashed some more cold water on her face before returning to her desk.

I need to suck it up and finish editing this Goddamn book, she thought. No matter how shitty my writing may be, this still needs to be done. Crying about it isn't going to fix anything!

With newfound determination, Lexi opened her laptop back up and resumed editing her book. She cringed at certain parts and even shook her head at some of the worst bits. But she gritted her teeth and tried to get her editing done as quickly as possible. She wasn't about to write any new chapters until her current task was finally done.

It was just past noon when Lexi decided to take a break from editing to make herself some lunch. She reheated some of last night's dinner— chicken and rice with teriyaki sauce— and ate it right at her desk. She ate while reading some news articles and watching funny videos on her laptop. Once lunch was over, she put her dishes in the sink and began walking back to her room. But before she made it there, someone knocked on her front door.