Rockstar- H.S.

chapter seven

Ok quick note: I can't remember if I already specified the current month this is all taking place, but if I did, ignore it. The month is August and tour starts in September. So yeah, one month until tour. Anyway, enjoy!:)

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Roxanne's POV:

Off days.

The days when it feels as though everything in your life has been shifted slightly to the left. The way things were yesterday is not the same way today. You keep bumping into this and tripping over that. In the morning you rise on the wrong side of the bed. The floor doesn't feel the same way against your feet on these days. On off days the cold floor feels colder. Harder. It pierces your feet in aggression. On off days you crave loneliness because on these days loneliness isn't lonely at all; it's your escape.

People are the last thing you want to be around because you fear what you may say or do to them. Off days are similar to being drunk, you aren't the same person you usually are. You're a different make, model, version of you. You're bold in the worst way possible. But the difference between being drunk and off days are that you don't get the luxury of forgetting your offensive actions.

The real you witnesses them from your right shoulder, shaming you instantly when you snap at those around you. While the off you sits atop your left shoulder as the little devil it is, egging on your behavior. Off you craves negative actions because they are your release. Off days cause damage that the real you has to clean up tomorrow. Off days are atrocious, but off days are inescapable.

Today is one of those days for me.

I haven't determined if it's because of the incident that took place with the paparazzi, the guilt of lying to Josalyn, or the aggressive hostile being Harry became last night after I ticked him off. Maybe a combination of it all.

Sadly, I am not gifted the luxury of moping in my bed all day, embracing the off-ness.

I have a boy to date.

I talked to Josalyn last night. As far as I can tell she believed everything I told her.

I woke up to three missed calls and multiple texts from Marjorie. Let's just say she was not too happy about seeing pictures of me out with Harry. By the end of the phone call, I managed to calm her down. I fed her the lies Grant created last night. I told her that being around Harry makes me genuinely happy and that he makes me feel better than I have in a long time. I told her he was sweet and caring and nothing like how the media portrays him. I told her I was quickly falling for him and no matter what she said I plan to continue seeing him and at least see where things lead. But I already know where things will lead. They'll lead straight to a relationship by the end of this month and then I'm off on tour. I essentially told her the complete opposite of how Harry makes me feel.

Maybe I went into the wrong business because acting seems to be a great talent of mine. She actually sounded empathetic about the situation after I "poured my heart out" to her. She just warned me to be careful and made sure I knew she wasn't too keen on the whole thing. But she informed me she was happy for me and that as of right now the media is living for the drama of the situation so no damage control is necessary.

I try not to read comments online too much, but from what I did read people aren't mad. Just curious I guess. Many of my fans who are speaking out on Twitter are saying they love it or they support me as long as I'm happy. The worst things being said are jokes about me being in my "Miley Cyrus" phase or people saying I'm changing. There were also some people saying I was disgusting for having to do with Harry, but many of my supporters came to my defense which I am incredibly grateful for.

I don't want to disappoint my fans most of all.

They have been my rock through everything since I was a child. Even if I don't know each of them personally, they are all like family to me. I love them more than I can express and disappointing them would hurt just as bad as disappointing Josalyn. I have to be careful and not screw this up because I can't lose my supporters. And not because them watching me pays my bills. But because my life would feel empty without them. Some people might think that sounds crazy and that's fine, but my bond with them doesn't have to make sense to outsiders because it makes sense to us.