Rockstar- H.S.

chapter eight

Harry's POV

I don't know why I do the things I do. It's like this switch flips inside of me. I turn into this evil, sadistic person that says and does hurtful and aggressive things. I gave that side of me a name.

Blade.

Usually, when those moments happen it's like I'm not even in my own body. I feel like I'm watching a movie play out. I'm just there, floating above myself witnessing my actions with no control. It's been happening since I was a kid, but I don't really know why. Blade is another reason I turn to alcohol as my escape. When I'm drinking, he's less likely to make an appearance. I've only told one person about Blade and I don't plan on anyone else finding out. Plus, as long as I have alcohol I can keep him at bay. But if I'm not drinking... There's no stopping him

Like today with Roxanne. I had my metal 'water' bottle with me so that Blade wouldn't come out to play, but I left it in the car. And because Grant packed us drinks I didn't want to draw any suspicion going to get it.

Roxanne said something, I can't even remember what, and it just ignited this fire in me.

Blade gets angry by the smallest things and it sends me into a spiral. Then boom. I'm not me anymore.

There have been times I just... Blackout and don't even remember saying or doing things. Then Harry has to pay the consequences. I can usually tell by how people are acting and their body language when I've done it... When I've "switched". I have to just play into the whole douche bag thing so they assume I meant to do what I did.

It's happened during interviews. Or with the paparazzi. I've said some really fucked up shit and not even realized until the video was posted later on social media.

I know I scared Roxanne today. I know she thinks I'm a fucking lunatic. But honestly, I'd rather her think I'm psychotic than know the truth. She's the last person on earth I would want to know. Because if she finds out she'll try to help me and shit. I know it. She's just that type of girl.

She's like Des

As soon as that thought enters my mind I go straight to the kitchen and quickly go through my routine of pouring myself a drink.

I usually don't blackout until nighttime, but the past few weeks have been rough because of all the shit I've caused and now having to clean up my mess with this whole fake-dating shit.

Roxanne Babes.

She's something alright. Sometimes I can't stand being around her and sometimes I find myself really enjoying her company. I feel weird around. Not in a good or bad way. It's like she pisses me off for simply existing, but then when we just talk and joke I almost find enjoyment out of it. It doesn't make sense because I hate the girl, I really do. But having to fake date her for the next few months is starting to seem less awful.

And to that, I drink.

Roxanne's POV:

I sit on a stool at my kitchen counter, staring at the white cabinets straight in front of me. I sip from the vanilla sweet cream cold brew I made Harry buy and replay the events of today.

It's weird. Even though I should be scared of Harry, I'm not. I've thought about what happened a lot and although he was acting fucking crazy, I think it's all just a game to him. Like the first night I met him when he pretended to have a deep conversation with me then said something to embarrassed me. He did that for shock factor.

I shake my head thinking about that moment because it makes me cringe so hard.

Harry really does treat life like a game. He doesn't care what he says or does and how that affects people. He does the deranged things he does to get a reaction out of people. I think that's why he said that creepy stuff to me today.