The Brat Diaries

✍️ Safewords

This is a revised chapter previously published on Wattpad. It is from the published version of The Brat Diaries. Available on Amazon in paperback and ebook, and ebook on Smashwords.

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While having safewords, and feeling empowered to use them, is important - it’s not a catchall safety measure. Think of safewords like seatbelts; we should wear one, but it doesn’t mean we can ignore traffic laws.

Using safewords doesn’t mean we can skip boundary discussions, communicating our limits, and respecting those limits.

At minimum, a medic safeword is necessary. Imagine you are bound, hanging from a rig in a TK harness and suddenly you can’t feel your pinky and ring finger (a sign of ulnar nerve damage).

Or you’re in the middle of a needle scene and suddenly you feel very dizzy, like you might faint.

Or you’re in delivering impact to a masochist and you are overcome with feelings of guilt and anxiety, and you aren’t able to adequately focus on the scene.

You need a way to end the scene, and it is not fair to rely on someone else to know when to end it in any of those scenarios.

Traffic Light Safewords

I recommend traffic light safewords for anyone experimenting with new activities or new partners. This system helps communicate throughout the scene, and not just at the point of needing it to stop.

·        Green - You’re good. You enjoy whatever is happening and it’s within your limits and boundaries.

·        Yellow - You’re unsure if you like this. You want to continue, but cautiously and slowly. You may also be approaching a hard limit and you’re using ‘Yellow’ as a warning.

·        Red - Immediate hard stop.

During a scene, D-types will often ask “Color?” to check in on their partners, although s-types can also give color checks. These checks can be particularly useful with new partners as you learn what they like and don’t like.

There are many reasons someone might use ‘Red’ – medical emergency, physical injury, emotional trauma, etc. It’s important to respect the person’s use of the safeword. Never make them feel ashamed for using it; instead, praise them for using it. Proceed to their negotiated aftercare. Get them water, clothes, blankets, comfort items, snacks, etc. When they’re ready, go over the scene and identify the part which caused them to use the safeword. Establish boundaries and negotiate as needed. 

Making a Safeword

You don’t have to follow traffic light safewords, although they are common in the BDSM community and good to know if you attend events. I recommend following these guidelines when developing a safeword: 

·        Use words that are unlikely to come up in a scene. Don’t choose partner names or words like: stop, no, or Daddy.

·        Use words that are unambiguous. Don’t choose words that sound like or rhyme with common words used in a scene (e.g., hop, snow, or paddy).

·        Use words that are easy to pronounce. Avoid words like FLŰGGÅƏNK∂€ČHIŒβØL∫ÊN

·        Use words that you will remember. It helps if the word holds some type of significance or sentiment, although it doesn’t have to.