Isigodi

CHAPTER 37

We are woken up by someone shouting from the gate.

‘Sikhulekile ekhaya, KwaShenge, Sokalisa, Mnyamane Ka Ngqengelele. Yithi o Maphumulo. Sithunywe undodana wethu ukuba masizocela isihlobo esihle’

And here I thought they are here to pay for inkomo kamama but that’s not something to shout about. I hope Sokalisa doesn’t kill him. I groan touching my forehead. I have a massive hangover. We slept at 3 am and judging by the sunlight, I can say that it’s 6 or 7 o’clock. I wake the others and we go to the main house. There is so much movement in the kitchen and outside. Looks like people are preparing for a big feast. One thing I like about being home is that we are only called to serve people and not be involved in the cooking or cleaning.

We get to our room and clean ourselves up. Azonotha gives us the bioplus patches. I hope they will help with the massive hangover. We clean our room and go back to clean the rondavel. We are then called to serve the elders. After that we are given our food. We eat and the young ones wash the dishes. Only after that are the Maphumulo elders allowed inside the yard. We are told to go sit on our rondavel while the negotiations proceed.

“Can we just continue where we left off at dawn? This hangover is not on.” Thabitha says and we laugh at her before continuing drinking but this time we are using mugs just in case an elder walks in and decide to scold us.

“So you and bhut omdala neh?” Azonotha smirks at Veli and she giggles. “Tell me, has he popped the cherry yet? Don’t be shy. We are all past umhlanga babes. Sesiphila emseni.” I break into laughter. Azonotha has Veli’s personality. She is forward and talkative but has a kind heart.
“We haven’t slept together yet but we have kissed a couple of times.” Veli responds and we all give her undivided attention.
“If you were to rate him out of 10, what number would you give him?” Makabongwe questions.

“He is such a good kisser, so I would give him a 9 out of 10. And before you ask why 9, even pros need some room to perfect their skills.” She answers with a shy smile. “Your turn Azanda. What would you give Siza?”
“An 8 out of 10 on the kissing. Same reason as you. A 10 out of 10 on the muffing and a 12 out of 10 on the fucking.” These bitches scream and someone from outside shouts for us to keep it down. We laugh.
“Now you’re making me miss my man.” Lusanele says pouting. “So it’s safe to say you are hooked to his dick? How huge is he anyway?”

“I have nobody to compare him to. What do you guys consider huge?” she quickly takes on her phone and shows me different dicks. “Why do you keep dick pics on your phone?” she shrugs with a smirk.
“I am a porn lover.”
“Lord have mercy on your soul.” She laughs. “Anyways that’s how huge he is.” I point at some dick nje. She looks at it and licks his lips.
“Damn sbari is gifted. Are you sure you don’t have a bore hole down there after getting down and dirty with him?” she asks passing the phone to everyone else and I just laugh. I am sure the pensioners would murder us if they were to hear our conversation now.

“Anything above this is from upper Africa. You would be ungrateful if you were to leave him because of his dick.” Thabitha says and I continue laughing. Yaz aziphili lezingane.
“I have seen your brother’s dick though.” Veli says in a shy tone. “We once showered together when we were at Richards Bay. I have never seen a dick so huge and thick. I nearly ran out of the shower naked.” we break into laughter because her facial expression is just too funny.
“It made you wanna prolong the cookie popping?” Makabongwe asks.

“It made me wanna abstain nje sisi.” She responds and we continue laughing.

We move on from the sex topic though and while discussing some things, aunt Nothile makes her way in carrying a glass of wine. This one doesn’t care about drinking openly. She is the official drunkard aunt of the family. She is also a semi-rich auntie because she doesn’t have kids, lives in Durban but doesn’t work. Sokalisa gives him a monthly allowance. She always arrive at the morning on family gatherings and leave at afternoon just to avoid any arguments with her siblings or even the wives.

“What are you guys drinking?” she asks as she makes her way to the bar fridge. She removes a dumpy and pours it all on her glass. “Your in-laws are very handsome though Azoh. Your father in law, God.” She licks her lips and we laugh at her. “I have seen him many times in Durban but he never takes notice of me. I even got into trouble on purpose in one of his malls hoping to be taken into his office and disciplined, instead I was taken to the security’s office. You can imagine my disappointment and annoyance after that.” my aunt is such a whole vibe but she is a bad influence, so the mothers never allow us to go visit her or even spend a night at her house when we are in Durban.

“What are they talking about right now auntie? Why are they taking too long?” I enquire and she rolls her eyes.
“Skhwili had to calm your father down. Apparently someone said something that angered him and he almost chased all the negotiators out.”
“What did they say auntie? Why are you coming here with an incomplete paper?” Azonotha asks and auntie laughs.

Before she can answer us, Thabitha’s mother informs us that they are calling us inside the house and we should wear doeks. I only have a few but I keep them in my wardrobe at home. Why do we need head wraps? Anyways after giving us disapproving looks, she walks out and comes back with MaVezi who gives us her doeks. We head to where the negotiating is taking place and one glance at Sokalisa lets me know that he doesn’t like whatever is happening here.

“So which one of these flowers did you son see and would like to pluck out from our garden?” Skhwili asks. Isn’t that question asked during lobola shit? But I have never witnessed the inkomo kamama whole process. So maybe it’s done this way.
“The one wearing a pink head wrap.” Nzelwe says. We don’t even know the colour of the doeks we are wearing. We just took what we were given and wrapped them around our heads.
“Azanda ndodakazi, do you know these people?” Skhwili asks once again. I raise my head and looks at Nzelwe. I am a bit relieved that Siza is not here.
“Yes baba, I know them.” I respond.
“Okay. You can all leave now.” We stand up and head back to our rondavel.

“Don’t mean to forward, but dade the money that was layered ecansini didn’t indicate inkomo kamama. It screamed lobola oe. What if baba forced them to pay lobola for you?” Lusanele asks as I open another bottle of Bernini. I give her a look but don’t say anything. I am a bit stressed and anxious right now. I am not sure about the shit going on and that’s making me uneasy.

After about 30 minutes, my thoughts are disturbed by ululations. I frown and dash out of the rondavel. The aunts and other relatives are singing and dancing, rejoicing about something.

“Yoh I didn’t think your boy had it in him. Uzishaye zaphelela. All eleven cows and one extra. 6 love cows and the other six were monetary. Now you see why I wanted his father’s attention? These men know how to take care of their women.” Aunt Nothile says. I am even more confused right now. 12 cows? Somebody better come and explain this to me before I lose my mind. I walk to where my mother is and she gives me a nervous smile. She is guilty and responsible for this chaos. I just know it from the look on her face.

“Mama what did you do?”
“I did what I thought was best for everyone.”
“And what was that mama? Going behind my back?”
“Listen mtanami…” I shake my head and take steps back. “My love please listen to me.”

I rush to the room we have been occupying, take my phone, her car keys and my bank card. I walk out of the main house and I can hear her calling my name. I jump inside her car and as I am about to drive out of the main gate, I see my brothers heading to one of the cars that the Maphumulo’s came in. I drive out of the gate and I spot Siza standing out of one cars. I park the car but don’t turn off the engine. I strut to him and he looks like he is about to run.

“I can explain Azanda.” I slap him and he gasps.

“How dare you, Siza? How could you? Without my consent or permission? What the fuck made you think we are on the same page? Why the fuck did you do this?” he opens his mouth to say something but I don’t wait for him to respond. I run back to the car and climb inside. I can see my brothers and father coming towards Siza with sjamboks and sticks. When he notices them, he starts running away. I hope they can beat him to a pulp. My phone rings and I switch it off before driving off in high speed. Fuck mom and Siza.