THE PAST, THE PRESENT, & THE FUTURE, txt ✓

01. Letter One, To Choi Beomgyu

choi beomgyu, the one who held my young heart for two years...
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How strange it is that I'm writing to you. I haven't communicated with you since we finished high school. Neither have I written a letter before. But it must be done. I made a decision, and that decision is this letter, resting in your hands as you read it.

The reason I'm writing this is to face my past, and come to terms with what happened. I've only told my counselor what happened while we attended school together, and never about you. Maybe now you'll know why I never fixed our friendship.

I wonder what your reaction is as you read this. I was just your classmate, your friend, the year we turned twelve, and then your friend who saw you occasionally for the years we were thirteen and fourteen, separated by the barriers of different friend circles and different classes.

Eventually, we drifted apart—not that we were that close to begin with—and not even our mutual love for the Harry Potter books could keep us together. The books we used to talk about all the time, taking turns reading the books, not reading the next volume until we had both finished it.

Remember how we used to talk about it all the time? Speculating what the next book would be about, just judging by the titles? I remember us finally getting through the second book and guessing what 'The Prisoner of Azkaban' meant, anxiously waiting for the next time we could stop by the library and borrow it for a week.

I always took a shorter time to read, didn't I? We usually went to the library on Fridays, and I'd take it home with me to read during the weekend. Then on Mondays, I would give it to you and you always finished the last few pages during school, usually on Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Thursday break-times were our time to talk about the book. We'd discuss how we felt about it, what we expected to happen, and whether we were right or wrong. We would discuss what we thought Voldemort's next move, which we both found hard to predict.

It was like our own little book-club in place of the local one we were too young to join.

I remember we once talked about Harry's crush on Cho Chang; not the words that we said, really, just that we did talk about it. I remember that very vividly; in particular, how I was sad that I never had a chance and angry at myself for ever falling for you.

I'm sure you didn't expect me to just admit it so openly like this, did you?

Choi Beomgyu, did you know that you yourself are a girl's weakness in romance personified? Maybe someone's told you this already, or you don't know it. But you are.

Gifted with good looks, smart, and a heart of gold. That's enough for a lot of girls, including myself. Unlike how the media portrays girls, most of us don't really care if you're rich or popular or whatever. Most of us are just looking for a man who will accept us, listen to us, and be a good partner. In most cases, we want nothing more and nothing less.

The first time you spoke to me, I was struck by how cute you were. No, correction: I was taken aback by how you smiled and asked me how I was. In my mind, there was no reason for you to, not when it was just my first day at our school.

I told you I transferred to the one we attended back then because my family and I moved, but I never told you why I moved, did I? Truth is, we moved because we were struggling financially, and our new place was smaller but more affordable. Maybe some part of me was afraid you would look down on me because of it, but of course you wouldn't. You're too kind for that.

That day, I was quiet at first, sitting right next to your crush, Chaeyeon. I was the only person who showed up a week late. I didn't know anybody in that school, and unlike any new kids, I hadn't gotten the privilege of befriending anyone the first few days. I was terrified. I had left behind my friends because I had no choice and when I walked in through the door, I was even more terrified by the sea of unfamiliar faces.