Dear Sputnik

XXI

- BEOMGYU -

Beomgyu swallowed back his pride as he typed out the message. Please talk to me, he read in his head. The message recipient was Taehyun. It had been two weeks since their argument in the hallway. After a lot of self-reflection, Beomgyu realized how completely awful he had been. Forcing someone to admit their sexuality and accusing them of being in a relationship was not something he would have ever expected from himself. The unanswered questions and confusion had got to him and turned him into a monster that was hungry for answers. Unfortunately, he was wrong on many aspects and turned the person who he was trying to get close to away from him. They weren't even his secrets to know, that was the part that trapped him in guilt the most.

What if someone did that to you? Beomgyu asked himself that a lot and he still didn't have a conclusive answer. It took him a long time for him to even comprehend his actions and how much they hurt others. He just now had the courage to type out this message. Beomgyu had a lot of thoughts of what to text Taehyun, but he never could be brave enough to type it all out.

Was all the confusion and pain he had been suffering from not knowing about Yeonjun and Taehyun's relationship even worth resolving for a split second? When Taehyun displayed a confused look after Beomgyu accused him that he was dating Yeonjun, a wave of relief had washed over him. He had so much clarity in that moment. That was until Taehyun told him about Soobin. That was a whole new reality that Beomgyu had to face. Why Soobin? Why not him? It all took him back to Wooyoung's first party that they attended together. Yeonjun's words echoed over and over in his head, I just can't, we can't do that. Why couldn't they?

Beomgyu had to admit to himself that Yeonjun just didn't want him. It hurt him so much to come to that conclusion, but he couldn't think of any other reasons. This whole fiasco had taken a toll on him. His conversations with Yeonjun were hard to keep and he found himself resenting Soobin solely for being with someone that he couldn't have. He was tired of fighting this, he just wanted everything to go back to normal.

After a moment of debating, he encouraged his hovering finger to click send. Beomgyu watched his phone for a moment, noticing that the message was delivered. He really didn't expect Taehyun to reply, but it was worth a shot. He slowly got up from his bed, needing to escape his impending anticipation of waiting for a text back from Taehyun. Beomgyu slipped out of his bedroom, overhearing a show blaring from the living room TV. He walked down the hallway and noticed his mother was sitting alone on the couch watching the large flat screen TV. He peered over and seen that no lights were visibly present from under his parents' bedroom door.

"Your father went to the office," his mother said in a tired tone, seemingly anticipating what Beomgyu was about to ask.

He had overheard his parents fighting early this morning along with the sound of the front door slam, but he never went out to investigate what happened. At this point, Beomgyu knew better than to probe about his parents' arguments. There were too many to keep track of at this point.

"It's Saturday," Beomgyu murmured, "Surely the case can wait, right?"

"I would assume so, but it will be over pretty soon," his mother told him, "They set a court date, finally. It'll all be over in a few months."

"That's what we assume anyways, until there's a mistrial," Beomgyu muttered, no stranger to the long waiting game of court cases.

"I don't know, your father has put together a good case. He told me that the defendant even wants a plea deal, so it may be over sooner than we know it. We just have to hang on for now."

Beomgyu nodded slowly before crossing over to the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of water. What his mother really meant was that she had to hang on a little longer. He could only imagine how bored she got sitting around the house all day waiting for his father to come home.