For All Things Holy || Chanlix

Chapter 12

With a sharp inhale and an agressive fit of coughing, Chan felt his high slowly kick in the more hits he took. Felix sat there awkwardly, glancing at the flashcards Chan didn't even bother looking at for the day. It's been a couple days since their last study session, and also since the last time Chan insulted Felix.

"W-what is that?" Felix questioned, feeling a bit tense being around something so new.

"Weed." Chan responded, shoving the bud in Felix's direction. The blonde swallowed hard, tempted to actually give it a try. The smell was nauseating, almost sickening. It wasn't the most pleasant scent. The blonde politely declined, Chan shrugging in response.

"Suit yourself." The brunette spoke, taking another hit. His lungs burned while his body relaxed. His usual Deftones played in the background, filling the living room with the sweet tune. Felix couldn't help but feel curious on how exactly it felt. His parents always told him that if he did drugs, he would end up in hell, so he obviously never tried it. It wasn't like he had friends to do it with anyway.

"Do you want to study some more?" Felix asked, shifting his position in the kitchen chair he sat on.

"Definitely not." Chan lazily spoke, hit kicking in immediately. Felix let out a loud aggravated sigh, packing up his belongings. Chan never wanted to study, always wasting Felix's time whenever he came over. He wasn't even sure why the brunette said yes to their after school sessions given they don't do anything.

"Mrs. Gwan has already yelled at us both for not making any progress. You're gonna get me in trouble." Felix sighed, remembering how she yelled at them both the other day.

"Well then tell her you don't want to tutor me anymore." Chan suggested, laying down on the couch in his living room.

"But I do!" Felix said in defense. These tutoring sessions gave him an excuse to hang out with the boy. Without them, he knew they wouldn't hang out anymore.

"Well I am considering on dropping out anyways. School is a waste of time." The brunette spoke.

"You can't do that!" Felix spoke, making Chan raise a brow in response.

"And why not?" He said in response, catching Felix off guard.

"B-because your parents will be disappointed will they not?" The blonde questioned, causing Chan to roll his eyes in response.

"I don't live to please my parents. I live to please myself and myself only." The brunette responded, Felix only tilting his head in response. He couldn't help but feel a bit envious of Chan. Felix wished he had the courage to do something like that, regardless of what his parents thought on the matter.

Felix wondered how Chan could say such things and not fear deeply about his parents' thoughts on the matter. Hyunjin and Chan were somewhat similar in that aspect, Hyunjin did basically whatever he wanted, but he still cared too much regardless of freedom.

"How would you get in trouble anyways?" Chan asked, lightly tapping his chest to the beat of the music.

"My parents don't know I am helping you..." Felix said, looking down at his lap while his feet swayed back and forth.

"Would it matter if they did?" The brunette asked, taking Felix by surprise. This time he was asking a lot of questions, basically turning tables on the blonde. Maybe a high Chan would be easier to get along with?

"Yes." Felix sighed, somewhat saddened on the matter. He wished it were easy for him to just come and go like any regular kid his age. He wished it didn't matter.

"Why?" Chan asked, raising a brow. Unlike Chan, Felix liked answering questions and was very open about a lot of things. He's never talked about his situation with anybody other than Hyunjin before, so venting was always nice even with somebody new.

"They worry about me. They tell me that constantly and I do appreciate how they care so much, but it becomes suffocating at times." Felix forced a smile, watching Chan's motionless body on the couch. His eyes focused on the wall in front of him, not once locking with Felix's.

"Are you not allowed to have friends?" The brunette asked, unsure on why he was suddenly so interested in the blonde's life.

"Not really." Felix responded, sadness laced in his tone.

"That's not them caring for you or worrying. That's them being controlling." Chan deadpanned, pointing out something Felix tried to remain blind to.

"You're 18 and you don't have friends because of them. That's not right." He continued to speak, Felix only listening closely.

"If I had parents like yours, I'd run like a bat out of hell. They aren't 'worrying' about you, they're mentally abusing you which is fucked." He let out a forced laugh.

"They don't do that! They care a lot about me..." Felix said in defense. He wasn't sure why he was trying to defend his parents, but it felt like the right thing to do so he stood his ground.

"You don't have a phone. You dress like an old geezer. You don't have friends, and your hair-" Chan pointed to the blonde before continuing, "How much begging did it take for them to allow you to do that?" Felix let out a loud huff, answering even though he didn't want to.

"A lot." He forced out, making Chan laugh even louder.

"They're treating you more like a pet rather than a human." Chan blandly said, a bored look resting on his intoxicated features.

"They love me. I'm not a pet to them!" Felix said in attempts to defend his parents. He couldn't help but think deep down maybe Chan was right about it all, but he didn't want to think about it in such a negative manner. Throughout his 18 years of life, he forced himself into thinking that how he was raised and treated was normal, even though deep down he knew it wasn't.

He trained his brain into thinking that being the way he was, was something he simply could not change. He made himself believe that everything his parents did was because they loved and cared for him. It's funny how easily somebody like Chan can come into your life and make you question it all.

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HAVENT UPDATED THIS IN SO LONG AND I AM SO FUCKING SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!! hope you are all well <3