Some Kind of Journal I Guess

Some of my Vent Songs + Explanations

(This isn't in my vent book because it's not actually a vent in of itself, anyways)

(WARNING: Discussion of su1c1d3, bu11y!ng, s3lf-h@rm, r3l1g10n, aband0nm3nt)

I Can't Handle Change by Roar- This one isn't really a vent song for me anymore, but as a younger child with really bad anxiety and PTSD who didn't understand or have the slightest clue that I was probably autistic and thought I was broken, this hit really hard for me when I first found it.

Star of the Show by GHOST- I was considered a "gifted child" in school, and then I crashed and burned in fourth grade after dealing with both an emotionally abusive teacher and relentless bullying. This song sums up how I felt while I was being constantly pressured to perform better while my grades were slipping due to both stress and not understanding the material the way it was being taught.

Shine a Light (Reprise) from Heathers the Musical- Yeah, I used to be suicidal, and I also got mad at myself for crying all the damn time because I had been taught that it was wrong. Fun.

Lost One's Weeping by Neru- This song is about high school trauma, and I went through that shit when I was fucking nine.

Rolling Girl by Wowaka- Pretty much just my anxiety and me not liking myself.

Saint Bernard by Lincoln- Growing up religious and then hating yourself once you both start questioning your faith (which I was taught was a BIG no-no) and also realizing you might be queer is not fun.

Rät by Penelope Scott- Originally, this was a vent song for me about my grandpa. And then it became about my older sisters. And then my cousin. Yeah a lot of my family kinda sucks.

Body by Mother Mother- I had both body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria at the same time. I also had thoughts of self-harm which I unfortunately eventually caved to (although I've been clean for a while as of writing this.)

Circus Hop by YonKaGor- This was pretty much my stress relief song for any time I got mad at myself for having a hard time with schoolwork while I was going through my "I'm so fucking stupid and I can't do anything right" phase.

Nobody by Mitski- I was homeschooled for four years, and you bet your ass I was lonely. I had no friends. It's part of the reason why my cousin doing toxic shit and then leaving me fucked me up so much.

Oh Klahoma by Jack Stauber- D e p r e s s i o n

I'm not a good person by Pat the Bunny- Sometimes I fall into these ruts where I feel like the worst person on the entire planet (it's usually when I harm myself too, aside from when I'm angry.)

You're An Awful Person by R.I.P.- Same as the above song

New Year's Eve by Mal Blum- YAY FOR BEING ABANDONED BY MY LOVED ONES