𝐷𝑖𝑠𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 - Technoblade x Reader

Chapter Eighteen

(Y/N) POV

"With that, I think that Arcadia's Divide is finished and will be submitted to printing! Congratulations (Y/N)! You finished your book!" The words didn't seem real as they met with ears.

After my trip to Tommy's two months ago, I buckled down hard on writing the rest of my book. I worked endless hours writing the manuscript, editing the first return, then finishing up all the final pieces before this meeting that confirmed that my books would be hitting the shelves soon.

Maybe it had been easier to ignore being smart with my sleep schedule because I hadn't talked to Techno since the day of Wilbur and my conversation. I wasn't sure what made his text messages stop coming so soon, but I suppose it made it easier to avoid the fact that he was gone.

Except for in moments like these, where my moments of weakness show how much I miss him. It is so hard to be without him. I thought that our time apart would help me heal but it has not done that. Each day I miss his kindness more and more.

Now walking home on the streets of Brighton, I miss him so deeply. I would be calling him right now if things were better. I would be celebrating all the work I put in, all the work he helped me with. We would be celebrating together.

Maybe I could text him. I suppose there is a chance that he had just gotten busy and forgot to text me. Maybe there weren't any ill feelings between the two of us. Maybe he didn't hate me after all of this time.

I'm going to text him. If he answers, then maybe we could figure this out. I could tell him how I feel and we could try to go somewhere with that. I could figure this out with Wilbur and maybe he would feel the same about me.

To: Techno :)

My publishers just gave the go on printing! You will see Arcadia's Divide on a shelf near you soon!

I put my phone away before I could stare at it too long and begin to regret it. Maybe this would fix it. Truthfully I'm not sure if it's fixable but if testing out the waters could fix this pit in my stomach, I had to at least try.

The walk home was filled with anxiety and the desperate need to check my phone every five seconds. When I walked in the door of our flat, I could hear Wilbur was streaming so I avoided his room until he finished up. It was really hard to keep myself together when I looked at my phone and there was no text.

To: Tommy

Are you streaming with Wilbur?

From: Tommy

Yes but it isn't lore. Do you need something? Did your meeting go okay?

Tom Simons5260 was the kindest friend I have ever had. Which only furthered the aching in my chest. He told me I should have never let Techno go. That he wasn't the same now that he and I weren't talking. He also said some rather vulgar things about Wilbur's protectiveness.

Calling Tommy happened before I even thought about it.

"You know I'm always here for you but it is also nice when you let me know you're calling when I'm on a stream," Tommy said in his typical upbeat manner. Maybe I shouldn't have called him, I don't have the same joy he's feeling.

"My book is going to printing," I said barely above a whisper. Luckily Tommy's excitement made me smile a little bit.

"(Y/N) that is incredible! Why aren't you jumping with joy! You finally finished!" He was practically yelling, which did manage to put a smile on my face. How do I explain this next bit?

"I texted Techno," I said, even barely audible. I knew he heard me when his gasp was so loud it nearly hurt my ear.

"Did he answer?" His voice was much calmer now that I had exposed this new piece of information. It's tenderness broke me, and I felt the tears run down my face.

"No," the break in my voice was so obviously me crying. I did not hide that piece of information well.

"Oh lord woman you can't cry I don't know how to handle crying women," he said in a bit of a panic.

"I messed everything up Tommy," I said, letting myself let go of the tears that I had been holding back for so long. "I let myself lose something that made me happy and now he's gone. If I had done something different-"

"You can't think that way," Tommy said, cutting me off. "I know it probably hurts, and it will for a while. You guys cared for each other a lot. But you just finished a freaking book (Y/N). If he doesn't want to be a part of that happiness with you, that's his own loss."

"I miss him so much," The tears weren't going to stop now. Tommy's understanding side had opened the vulnerable side I had been hiding under the need to finish my book.

"You will be okay. And you will have people who love you until you feel okay again."

Maybe he was right. I could do this. 

"Thanks, Tommy," I said sitting down on my bed and wiping the collection of tears off my cheeks. I heard him laugh awkwardly on the other end of the call. Thank god for that scrawny teenage boy, because otherwise, I wouldn't have anyone to help me stop the tears over a pig boy across the world.